Today is the day when I stop numbing the pain.
Today is the day when I face the mistakes I made.
Today is the day when I become who you wanted me to be.
Today is the day to change.
Is it ok if I'm no longer the nice girl?
Is it ok if I don't let you step on me?
Today is the day when I let your memory invade my mind.
I'm sorry I ran away for so long.
I didn't want my demons to catch me.
For a while, I felt nothing.
But then you came along and made me feel again, you left, I shut down.
Today is the day when I start feeling again.
Because I am figuring out that I do not need you, I can feel and still be stable

You grabbed the rule book
And ripped it in half
Then you blamed
The other players of the game
For your own misery

You never did like rules.
You created your own as you went
But when things didn't go your way,
It was the fault of others.
And now you're alone.

Cheaters never win the game.

I reached for the bottle of whiskey
Because I didn't want to feel anything.
Then I reached for the bottle of *****
Because I wanted to feel something.
Then I reached for the bottle of wine
Because I wanted to relax in the midst of chaos.
Now I reach for nothing at all
Because I don't know what's real anymore.

I burnt down the metal cage
that confined me

I have broken up with God
and I am blossoming

without his hand pushing
my head down

I eat blackberries straight from
the bush

tasting the dirt where they grew
the tightest bud bursting

into fruit that nurtures me
that sustains me

I am Godless and cageless
I am a woman of

flames, starting fires
wherever I go

burning, burning, turning
into ash

into the very dirt I courted
with my purple stained

lips

A hollow grows in my heart.

helpless, I watch
this cavern empty its once warm
elixir,
cool like coal
on a bed of dying embers.

Trepidation surges,
upending my
quiet comfort
while voices whisper

"this safety on the razor's edge
is an illusion
and must be returned
to the debt ridden sea"

slowly the mist settles,
revealing the great divide.

I hold my breath
and  go under

Don't fix what isn't broken
Can't fix what never existed