when I dropped
your favourite mug
and it shattered
into a thousand pieces
when I spoke
your name
and only silence
was my greeting
when I played
your favourite song
and I couldn't hear
your voice
singing
when I laid down
in bed alone
I didn't feel your touch
just the raw stinging
when I showered
waiting for you
to peek
I stepped out
mute
wrapped in
aloneness
wishing your ghost
could speak

Didn't want to sleep
stars were singing and dancing
alluring me
to unlock the door
and run to them.

But eye lids were heavy
and sleep came
while stars faded
like many distant dreams.

So much of life is lived
on a state of nothingness
this is life
and I sink in.

at 3 i am a girl
all I want is to grow up to be a princess
Hopefully with a Prince Charming and a castle

At 5 I got asked what my ambition was
Even then I wanted to be a princess
But not with a castle, I already knew it wasn't going to come true

At 7, I got asked what my ambition was
Then, I changed my mind
I wasn't going to be a princess, it was all in my head.

At 10, I decided I was going to become a doctor
I had watched my close kin bleed out to death in an operation theatre
And I wanted to be a doctor who saved every life that came knocking on my door

At 13, I was too caught in the middle of my friends problems
I spent my days healing broken hearts and listening to stories that I forgot that I had my own stories
Just no one to speak them out to

At 16, I wanted to be a psychiatrist
I was willing to take on the problems of the whole universe
And then I realized the weight was too much for me to bear

At 18, I want to be a person. I want to feel things
I don't want to store them in a box and throw the key away
I don't want to hold my tears back
I don't want to live for anyone around me
I want to live for myself
And there's nothing else I'd rather be because
No one does me better than me

Twisted sheets, mind on stutter
Unable to sort through this midnight clutter
Put it away for tomorrow
But what to do with my gnawing sorrow?
I circle soft blue on color book pages
Hoping the repetition eventually assuages
The raw edged reality of lonely dark hours
Filling the void with Crayola flowers

I've just been broken into two -
The piece that stayed with me
and the piece that went with you.

Falling in love is easy
Staying in love is hard

I spent the night drunk
isn't it gross?
I could have been in your arms
instead
I wrapped my lips in liquor
it all swept me away
funny
you used to do that