To weaken him,
He sent the archangel Virus;
To muffle him,
He sent the St. Michael storms.

𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 //
  𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝𝐬
𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬
  𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝
𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬
  𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬
𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬

𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞'𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮.


~ eli.

All we can ever do is our best
There is nothing more
Sometimes even that
Isn't enough
And we are left, defeated
But who cries that final ultimatum?
Only ourselves
We are the biggest critics of our own lives
That simple reality
Is too much sometimes
I fight it
But I know
I am the biggest ******* in my life
Bringing me down
I haven't killed my dreams
But I plague them
I sold my future
For a low-grade donut
But I can steal it back
I hate you for doing this
But I still love you
I can ask why all day
But I know the answer
Because I'm still here *******
And I'm not going anywhere

Quit self sabotaging

I

am

bottomless


this gaping
maw

place my heart
vacated

I am
devoid

and resonance has
deserted me

this is a lonely
place to be




inside myself


.

We love my mashed potatoes,
With butter on our plates;
But at the Trumpian table,
We'd eat from Donnie's pate.

My grandchildren will read
The year had already passed,
By the time they were born,
To stop climate change.
I don't know how they will get the information.
I don't know when they will get the information.
I don't know from what or whom it will be delivered,
Or how it will be communicated.
I'm sure the news won't and shouldn't come from me;
Although it came duplicitously from me, and others;
Driving them everywhere, flying around, BBQing animals.
And all the entrapments of a twentieth century middle class life.
The grandkids will have serious questions,
Like Why?
I have loved you to death.
Will there be any to answer
When the signal arrives in 2070?

If I was a bigot,
Or xenophobic,
Or prejudiced,
Or sexist,
Or racist,
Or even Evangelical,
I would argue
The Wrath of God
Has enveloped America,
Like a plague.
But I'm not, I'm a non-believer.

It's not a macho thing.
It's not a Republican choice.
He's not worried
We won't hear his voice.
He just can't wear a mask,
It's not because of manly fears;
It's just Putin
Likes to hold
**** lickers by their ears.

done with the violence
done with the pain
done with the same shame
over and
over and over
again

done with the accusations
and the suspicions
done with the same lies
in different forms
and messed up versions

today you said you're sorry
you said you love me
you always will
but who knew a love like this
could somehow ****
the passion
the trust
the ways that I
thought I knew you
were loving me the same way
I did
with my whole heart and
my whole life

my whole life
is unrecognisable and I
can barely tell which truth to believe in
because how can you ever deceive
someone who stopped their heart beating
for you
how can you destroy someone who
took you in their arms and
went ahead and said,
"stay here, you belong in the home
inside my heart
I built only for you."

done with late night crying
finding myself imagining dying
as a way out, an escape
done with blaming you or me
for the choices I keep on making
done punishing
myself for the mistakes
that you made
because I made the same mistakes too
as if the path to forgiveness is repeating
the ways we've hurt each other hoping
it will just stop to hurt
at some point

it's like you and I
Or mostly I
have to tiptoe around landmines
Afraid I'll discover more crimes
afraid I'll be in the wrong place at the wrong time and
careful I don't set off the time bomb
that is called Our Relationship

when heartbroken poets make metaphors
about wounds and battle scars
I wonder where mine are
because I've been through this same war
fought it and won it and lost it
for years and years on repeat
and yet I have no marks to prove it
so maybe not every victory is a celebration
and not every survival is the ending of the story
and not every abuse leaves a bruise
and here I am still writing
wondering about my own story's ending