my strength lies beneath the skin
it's inside my bones
it's the sway of my hips
it's the smile in my *******
and it roots from my soul

I am woman, you know

the doctors tell me I'll never be
the nurses tell me I've never been
they say I'll never hear my baby cry
and then God says, "guess again"

I am woman, you know

the pain is a most definite promise
and as I grit my teeth I know
the promise is always unsure
and yet here I stand defeating odds
being what you told me
I could never ever be
who says there isn't any cure?

After all,
I am woman, you know

You might say I am talented, and talented am I
But maybe not the way in which you're thinking
My words may seem so balanced as they bleed before your eyes
But the veins from which they spill are badly torn
The peace that I have wanted only seems fit to comply
Scarcely randomly between each effort's sinking
It is my greatest challenge to find beauty in the lies
And the tragedies now endlessly reborn

I tell myself each instance, it won't be like times before
But repeatedly, I doubt the words I'm saying
Even though I know the future has such miracles in store
My worries and my fears come out to play
Instead of having patience, I embrace what I abhor
'Til what little peace I've found, I am forsaking
And I find it that much harder to keep holding out for more
Through the torment of such never ending pain

So, I write down every word of which I need to hear the most
The very words I often speak to others
And arrange them in a way I know I'll keep them very close
And reflect on them each time I lose my way
But, as my understanding seems to venture oh so close
To the truths that I so often seem to smother
The party starts all over, and I play the gracious host
Entertaining every doubt in every way

What seems like creativity so sanely resonating
Is emotion never making up its mind
Although it may seem natural, each time, I'm hesitating
Almost never satisfied with what I say
So many imperfections in the art that I'm creating
But I blend them in the best way I can find
'Til the beauty of the heartache and the pain so devastating
Ring out true for me as madness leads the way

My writing helps me through each darker day that's always waiting
And the storms which come to rage within my mind
Even in this reading, some of you are now relating
As you see the bitter truth in what I say
Don't focus on the way that I arrange my conversating
Focus on the messages within the rhymes
For my talent isn't in the way the words are correlating
It's in showing, just like you, I'm not okay

My pain irks me,
Sends me flying into my bed.
Under the cover of darkness.

As I cry myself awake,
Unable to sleep.
I ask myself..
Why?

Why am I such a ***** up?
Why do I make mistakes,
Knowing my parents will be angry?

My tears intensify,
My claws take my skin,
Leaving ****** marks...

I scream in my head,
Rocking to the beat of my music,
That sings in my ear bud.

Evanescence,
Rascal Flatts.
Plumb.
Crossfade.

I cannot find peace..
All I feel is that pain.
That has ****** me over for,
Five years.

I'm only a teenager,
I only can take so much.
Until Its over.

I've already tried once...
What makes you think I'll try again?

Dad,
What makes you so ******?
Taking it out on me,
Because I don't listen?

Why can't you and my step mom,
Just realize..
That I'm only Seventeen..

And so it says,
My title will always stay.
Lone wolf forever..

I cant be perfect,
It's just not my style.

My life is so different,
I cry even harder.

Mistakes,
Promises broken.
Two faced liars..

God,
Why aren't you here?
I need you..
And I need you now..

As my pain intensifies,
All I see is the cascading shadows.
Watching my every move...

My music doesn't help anymore..

when you have fame,
the world adores you.
But when you're lame,
the world ignores you

when you're happy,
the world abhors you.
And when you're grieving,
they entirely destroy you.

when you wage war,
the world supports you.
But when you seek peace,
they never comfort you.

the world is worsening,
every second we live.
we shall end our suffering,
if we start to believe.......
                                      in God

you are leaving us now
God is calling you Home
and as we wait selfishly and angrily
unknowingly saying
...refusing to say goodbye to you
we hold back our tears
we can't let you see us cry
because deep down we know
you want to stay here too
the fight you have given
over the course of time
has inspired the heart of the world
and has reconstructed mine
watching you go through hell
and keeping your mind
staying with a smile
even as you decline
and with every treatment
and with every transfusion
you proved to us over and over again
the power of God isn't just
an illusion
for you have beat the odds
time and time again
you have kicked the crap out of the devil
right til the very end
I cannot say goodbye
because that's a message
I cannot send
For in these last few years
you have become far more than a patient
you have become a friend
I will remember your laugh
and how you joked through all the pain
I will remember how much you hated
using that blasted walker and cane

The memories are worth a visit
and soon it will be the only way to find you
but just know,
even if we cannot be there in physicality
in spirit we are always right beside you

I became a lost soul
and you had already been lost
in the midst of darkness
we found each other

in the midst of our words
our ******* words, you know
they have power
so much power

and as the days went on
the nights got longer
our weakness turned to love
our love became stronger

I gave in
to what I said I wouldn't
I tried to hold back
sadly I couldn't

and here I sit
missing something that
...never was
and hoping
for something that
....never could be

because I love you
and i miss you
and becoming engaged
in floetry
wasn't only for me
like you had presented
it to be

...ha.
not such a fool I am,
you see?

I love myself enough
to know I have an addiction
to things that give me life
to feelings that are
different

oh the ache
oh the pain
you devoured my soul
into your wretched world
and I felt safe
...I felt safe

bleeding these words
on a screen
licking my wounds
until the sin
is washed clean

you cannot hear my screams
you'll never see my tears
though it is killing me slowly
to walk away so lonely

but I have a heart
...a heart to shield
to keep it beating
I must rule the day

you truly are such
a gentleman
a lovely beaut
wrapped in a lie
soaked in a cheat

and u can't even see
your own deceit

The way the sun breaks through
Clouds dark with rain

Above a city that doesn't mind
Either

Reminds me that somewhere 
Something

Really good is happening
To someone deserving

Right
Now

To the insecure.
There's nothing impossible to over come.
News has  painted our society as bums, ****** and thugs.

To those recently fired.
Jobs exist-nothing is as bad as it seem.
No need to return to your former job for a killing spree.

To parents of the mental ill.
We're finding out too late that your child illness directed them to ****.
Most cases-it's the innocent within their mirror.

To the law enforcers within our community.
You're making enemies that you don't need.
Random investigation by Internal Affairs could **** out the problem officers.
The hothead ones carrying legal permission to wear a gun.

To the parents mistreating your child.
Well, you probably would mistreat Jesus.
Especially, if you don't know, who he was?

To the judges sentencing the innocent ones.
Accept mistakes happen when truth emerges.
It's the district attorneys tossing guilt at others but themselves.

Now to the thugs within our society.
Hurting the elderly, the women and the weak.
Only prove you never had a true dream to be.
That goes for the gangs too.

Representing nothing of importance.
Revenge is a deadly game when it returned upon you.
Then you're seeking logic and reasons to why it came back to you?

To the ladies that's struggling to survive.
Believe, where there's an opportunity?
Use whatever it takes to get ahead?
It might go against people's vision of opinions of things to do.
But , as always, we are not in your shoes.

To the bums that think they are better.
Funny, when trouble comes to them they twist stories to fit them.
Reflecting attention off of them.

I won't mention the politicians.
They barely deserve to be in office.
When mostly anything they have done is give you a light and sidewalks.
Then cut down the better fellow.

Message to the people.
America was built on integrity.
And the ability to survive during the toughest of times.
Great example would be the Great Depression.
People with less stood strong.

And here , we are doing wrong.