shower (n.): a place to practice the words you'll never say

Her fingers danced
Along my ribcage
As she told me why
I must be having pains
In my chest.

Her fingers danced
On my *******
As she cupped them sweetly
And nuzzled between them like
She's always belonged there.

Her fingers danced
Down my spine
As she counted the freckles
On my back and made constellations
Out of them.

Her fingers danced
In my hair
As she grabbed close to my
Scalp and pulled where she knows I'll
Respond with "Ohhh".

Her fingers danced
Down between my thighs
Floating above the ocean below and
Diving in to explore her sea.

Her fingers danced
Around my neck as her
Hands cupped my face and
Kissed my lips gently but
With a fire that only I could
Recognize.

Her fingers danced
As they intertwined with mine
Because what is more intimate than
The innocence of hand holding
With a promise of forever
Imbedded in our fingertips?

Depression is being so tired every minute of every day
that finding the energy to get out of bed is taxing.
Depression is not wanting to be around people you know you love
because the thought of explaining how you are really doing is heartbreaking.
Depression is drowning in an ocean of your thoughts
while everyone around you scolds you because you should ‘know how to swim.’
Depression is being so confused as to why you feel the way you do
because everyone declares that happiness is a choice you have to choose to make.
Depression is avoiding even looking in the mirror
because you’ve surpassed the point of self-hate.
Depression is being stranded on an island and having the tools to signal for help
but not being able to read the language of the instructions on the label.
Depression is being surrounded by people who love you
but feeling completely alone and unloved.

You hate yourself for reasons I can't understand
Fathoming, pondering your small shaking hands
What you don't see in yourself, others do
Talented, beautiful, compassionate you
If you would use Paul McCartney to greatly inspire
You could be like him, if that's your desire
You have a future, a purpose that you can not see
But if you listen to anyone, listen to me
Stay strong, stand firm, don't let them be
The demons in your life, you can be free
Stay the way you are, which is your true beauty
Just let the peace in your life, **Ashley

We will have to keep quiet about this love
A love story never to be published
Never to be seen by anyone
Always closed doors and deleted text messages
Always turning off the camera
Always turning off the light
We will have to keep quiet about this love
Because not everyone is ready for it
Everyone except us

it is in the way she smiles
that makes every part of me believe in the sunlight
even though i have always been clouded by darkness  
even the angels are envious of her walk
the way she flirts with gravity leaves nothing,
but footprints which make the existence of a flawless soul
i look into her brown eyes
trying to understand her thoughts
but words are could never explain
the depth of her perfection
as long as my heart beats
she will always be the reason for its rhythm
and i just hope these words
are adequate to put a smile on her face
because just the thought of her name
brings a euphoric presence to me.

I don't understand
Why we claim we're human
When we tear each other down
Hurt each others feelings
Because we're too small minded
To accept that we are different
Instead we become hateful
Acting stupid and illiterate
**** the minorities' spirits
Make them feel insignificant

We teach every generation
That being gay is a sin
Then turn around and say
We're all God's children
There are so many thoughts in my mind
I don't even know where to begin
So I'll begin with this thing
That they call sin

God makes us exactly
How we are
The differences we have
Are to set us apart
So we shine brighter than the stars

So I don't know why man
Would turn around
And say on judgement day
All gay men will repent and pray
Cause they won't be allowed
Into heaven
Simply because they loved men and not women

Say the "homos"
Are lost and will never be found
The hate towards gay men
Is a sound too loud
The other day
An innocent man who was gay
Was killed by a homophobic crowd
When I heard of this news
My heart dropped and frowned
I don't understand
How man can be so proud
So send an innocent soul
Six feet into the ground

So tell me
You so called Christians
With your egos so large
Who do you think you are?
God said we should not judge
You walk around like you're perfect
But I see a smudge
From the lack of innocence
You carry on your sleeve
With your head in the clouds
Saying God created
Adam and Eve
Not Adam and Steve

Thinking you see all things
Through God
But really
You're blinded by hate
And all I can do is wait
For the day we stand in heaven
And await our fate
And hear God say
To all the men that are straight
"There is nothing wrong
With being gay
Because in my kingdom
That's how these men were made"

Our love is
so sweet and secret
Kept locked up behind bedroom doors
and the doors of your beat up truck
Our love is
clever woven words
trying to out-do each other
Our love is
our faces getting too close,
eye contact that last too long
Silly things that didn't exist before we created them
Our love is
the moment between breaths
the spark of a lighter
the hidden smiles
the looking
the looking away
Our love is
borderline insanity
Our love is
like nothing other
because this love
is titled

"Just Friends"