Sometimes, midnight thoughts override everything.
Even the ability to sleep, to shut down the station in my head.
Staring into the dark corners of a bedroom doesn't seem to help.
Thinking of you at 12:03 PM doesn't seem to help either.
So what happened last night?
I slipped into the newly-washed sheets and closed my eyes...
Your face appeared.
It was the face you were wearing last time we were together.
The cautiousness behind those green eyes was not opaque, love.
You stoped yourself.
From watching my lips when I spoke to you...
From watching my hands when I worked...
From watching my eyes whenever you discreetly tested the uncharted waters of the Ocean of Us.
But I saw you.
How sly you must've thought you were (are).
But you weren't, really.
Because at midnight, the unconcious deductions I formed that day awoke from their shallow graves...
                                                       ­                And I saw you.
                                                          ­                                  ...the definition of "sleeplessness".

I wonder why everyone can't just
flat-out, God-blessed, love each other-
freely, purely, and explosively-
why are some people allowed to hold hands on the street
and others must keep it in the privacy of their homes
some bodies must be hidden and others can be exposed
some kisses must be kept secret from those who love you the most
some heartbeats must happen outside of your own house
some moments cannot exist in the presence of others
and some lovers can only love a certain type of other lovers.
Why is it that I must be fearful in a group of people
that they can see my brainwaves and know what I am feeling
and that it would be dangerous if they knew?
Why must it be this way that I have to be in the vast minority
and that the chances of me finding someone to love is
minuscule and difficult; everyone is at a different stage regarding
my certain type of love, and it carries a baggage straight people don't have
it carries a complication, a heartbreaking rope of knots and pain and confusion
and 'do I even feel this way' because you have been taught that you shouldn't
and 'why isn't there straight pride' and 'just don't shove it down my throat'
these type of misunderstandings create this impossible disharmony
'stop queering the straights' 'oh so you're basically a lesbian'
no. I am not a lesbian- please stop classifying me and while you're at it,
please stop acting differently around me because you're scared I'm into you
chances are, I'm not. Please stop asking me why it's necessary for me to come out and say it,
its because every single other person, me included, is assumed to be straight,
and makes comments about dating boys and just boys and it's this eternal 'no ****'
and my own parents want me to bear children and it's part of me, okay?
It's me and it's my self expression and it isn't shoving it down your throat
I just want to know that I can still be completely me and still be completely loved,
that's all, that's why I have to say it out loud,
because it carries with it a kind of suffocation that builds and builds
because everything around you pushes you down and tears at your foundation
and when you finally say it, there's a pain that's gone that you know will never hurt again
but it will always sting, little daggers when your friends won't get quite
as close as they used to and your mom gives you different looks in public
or I am constantly misunderstood and misperceived and it's scary, it's
a scary world for us, it's a scary world for us, it's a scary world for us
and it will be that way until we speak loud enough that we are heard.

I feel like people think I am some
*** crazed girl who is only using
Her girlfriend for ***.
But I can assure that I am not.
I love her with everything I have
And so much more.
Making love to her is a gift
That I am proud to share with her
And just because we can
Have nights spent together
On top of each other or
Entwined in each others words,
Does that make us a couple that
Is "going too fast"?
She is the first person in my life that
I am finally convinced that
Loves me fully and completely.
And maybe the making love is
Just an added bonus,
But that doesn't mean that I
Need it to love her anymore than
I already do.

Wether it's a peck
Or a long make out session
Under the stars
They all feel the same:
Every time my lips touch any
Part of your body I feel as if I have melted
Into your skin and am pouring into your pores.
I am traveling though your blood stream
Surfing on top of your blood cells and I am
Trying to seep into your heart
To be purified by the beauty and love
That is being made inside of you.

I love kissing you because every time I do,
You reassure me that there is a heaven
Wether it be on your lips or in
The stars.

And if today were a song
I would sing all day long.
Are perfect days real?
Certainly, I would say.
I got all of my work done and
Turned in without crying
And I had a double lunch date
With my friends and my
Beautiful girlfriend at
My favorite sushi place.
After we had milkshakes
And went swimming.
We kissed so much that
I just kept falling in love
over and over for her again.
She rode on my back in the pool
While I made stupid jokes about
Shrek and screamed about
Those **** horseflies.
With every second that went by,
I couldn't help but to think
"Wow, today is such a wonderful day".
Honestly, I had an awful week.
Last night I started crying because
Of how stressed I really was
And the nagging feeling of failure
Was starting to become a friend to me
And I was scared that I was just going to
Tumble blindly into the oblivion that is my future.
But finally my breathing is back to normal,
And my head isn't filled with the amount of
Papers due this week or how many math corrections I have done.
It is now filled with all the love in the world
And you can it on my face again,
I am just so happy.

I never liked my name very much until I tasted it on your tongue.

Falling in love with you is so easy
I could do it in my sleep,
dreaming of different ways to hold your hand
imagining kisses sweeter than chocolate
Falling in love with you is so easy
I could do it backwards
I wouldn't need rear-view mirrors
it wouldn't matter what was is my blind spot
it would't matter if I hit anything
because this love is reckless
Falling in love with you is so easy
I do not even realize I am doing it
like going up an elevator,
pressing buttons and feeling the slight change in elevation
but never realizing how far you've come
until your look out the window
Falling in love with you is so easy
I feel as if it is the only thing
I have truly ever done completely correctly
and in the wrongest manner
You make my love grow like an infinite river
a never ending push and flow
of repetitive jokes and wanting to kiss you
but also knowing to hold back
because your lips would crack my sweet tooth in half
your taste would leave me breathless
I can not stop falling in love with you
no matter how hard my endeavors are
You make it so easy to fall in love with you
and I hope it is just as easy for you
to fall in love with someone like me

you told me
about what you wanted
your future wedding dress,
future kitchen,
future kids to be like.
and I kept thinking
gods, let me be the one
to give it to you.
I never even wanted to get married,
never wanted any children, and
your imaginary kitchen is
positively hideous.
some people want the same things
out of life, but
we absolutely don't.
still, I could settle for a wedding
if it's you across the aisle;
and maybe I want kids, you know,
with your eyes, or at least
your heart, your grace, your forgiveness.
we'll talk about the kitchen.
look, I'm not gonna tell you
"I love you", not yet,
and I'm not writing you more songs,
and I am not wasting more words,
just these, just the once that tell you
whatever you want, it's yours,
if you'll still have me.

In your smile, I
found my happiness.
In your tears, I
found my sorrow.

In your eyes, I
found my love.
In your love, I
found myself.