A Ripped Page From My Journal

Jun 2019

vern

when I woke up this morning
I had the strangest feeling
the remnants of last nights dream
lingered on my lips and cheek
it was a dream filled with chocolate
it was sweet, but also bitter
it was an enchanting dream
but it left me with an empty stomach
it was not one of lust but one of love
when I woke up this morning
I never felt more alone

I am a liar, I didn't have a dream like this last night, it was actually about treasure planet, but do you ever have a dream where you're just in love and happy or just a good dream and when you wake up you're happy it's over, that's just the mood rn.

#dream #dreams #love #lips #chocolate #night #sleep #alone #feelings

Jun 2019

ˏˋstoop kidˊˎ

A song

I always wanted to write you a song.
I noticed people who sung and made music attracted your attention.
there's something about writing a song to someone
that makes them love you more I always thought.

I wanted to show how your presence
gave me a sweet melody that kept my mind calm.
I just wanted you to hear
the symphony of feelings I felt for you.

Unfortunately I have no beat.
chords are too hard to put together.
I can't sing to save my life.

I could only write you cheesy poems.

for you.

about you.

about us.

but a poem is no song.

I write with the rhythm of my heart
but it's only words on a page to you.

#love #whatever #music #its #songs

Jun 2019

Ruheen

Simple Words

Simple words of wisdom
Are usually complex riddles.

Simple words of advice
Are usually no help.

Simple words of a song
Are usually meant for someone.

Simple words of a poet
Usually, mean more than you see.

So simple words,
Are never really very simple.

At least for me, they aren't.

#simple #words

Jun 2019

Born

. . .

Sometimes my thoughts exhaust me
Thinking, can be Crippling
Alwys analyzing different veriation of a possible outcome

Trying to figure out logic
In words spoken
Words thought

Trying to understand
The meaning of reason
Behind a speck
of an idea
Or sometimes a wish not processed

All this in the name of sanity
While deciphering the insanity
In the sanity we enjoy

Sometimes I feel like a memory
Of a person
like I have been lived before
Broken before
Devoured and scattered
In all corners of the Earth
Like am a voyager with a broken compass

Sometimes I feel like am too small
the world is too big
and I, an insignificant being
no relevance to anything that matter

Sometimes I feel like
I should go out and scream
Let go of this attachment called being human
Cry a little
And die a little
Embrace pain and love
Embrace death and hope
Embrace belief and hate
Embrace nothing and something

Jun 2019

Silverflame

A Tale Of The Night

Every night I lay down to rest
The same old visions keep on creeping around my head
They scrape my mind and burn my core
I don't think I can take no more
Will I get through the night?

On the edge to insanity
I don't know what's real or fantasy
The demons sip on my coffee cup
Their screams get loud they never stop
My ears are a red masterpiece

The chaos beings to rise
I'm falling down the rabbit hole to my demise
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But loving you will make me whole
The chaos drowns me tonight

A seesaw is all that's left
Bouncing anxiety inside my chest
Strangers steal my loneliness
Patching up my self-made mess
Frozen in the concrete jungle

Jon said we're halfway there
But it seems to me I'm stuck in second gear
I lay my back flat on the ground
Here I'll die with no one around
Out of reach and with nothing to fear

A light in the dark calls my name
Safe and sound it guides me home with its flame
With a broken wing left to die
I could still learn to fly
Once lost but now I'm found

#lonely #anxiety #depression #night #demons #bonjovi #fly #fear #depressed #loneliness

Jun 2019

Nadia

Dependent

It's a two coffee day
At least it’s not four
You might stop me at one
But I always want more
I can wake up without
But it helps me to chill
If I skip blessed coffee
Call a doctor - I'm ill

It’s a four coffee day
Life is kicking my ***
If I swim in caffeine
And hope it will pass
Maybe it can balance
The bad with some good
Jittering my way thru
What I could and I should

It's a six coffee day
You're right, that's insane
Might as well save time
And consume through a vein
It's an eight coffee day
Go ahead, book that hearse
I'm too late for saving
I've succumbed to the curse

NCL 2019

#coffee

Jun 2019

Bogdan Dragos

only his insanity

the last time he went out of
his mind he liked it
so much there
that he never came back

not even after the
alcohol left
his blood

he keeps writing to this day

addresses women with 'sweangel'
a combination of sweet
and angel, I guess

but never spends more
than a matter of weeks
with any of them

some take pity on him
and some morbid curiosity

but no one loves him
truly
only his insanity

Jun 2019

M

Therapy Session #2

every now and then I consider murdering someone
just for the fun of it
a thought invading my brain and then it's off
to the graveyard of hopes & dreams
or wherever that **** goes

I once considered murdering the voice in my head
it belongs to the man who lives across the street from me
I'm one side of a magnet and he's a *****
if you get what I'm saying.

once I bashed his ******* head in that was nice
snot and blood and bile and
who knows what else dripping from
his smashed eye sockets
I had good dreams that night

if I had the chance
how would I go about it?
a slash to the throat maybe
frame his ******* toddler in her tricycle
a club to the brain is quicker
but so last week
maybe cyanide in his soup
his lips turning blue and convulsing before me
or ******* on his throat
squeezing and squeezing
and ******* squeezing some more

but you mustn't think I'm mad, per se
I'm working on dismissing my thoughts
and I've only ever truly killed one person:

Me

Heavily inspired by "in the clubhouse" by Charles Bukowski