I lit a candle for you yesterday
One with colors to mimic your soul
It bleeds rainbows as it melts
Red came first
It felt so right
Tasted like sorrow
I let it drip onto my fingertips, onto my wrist
White like the pills you took
Red like the pain you let out of your wrists
It captured you
I blew it out with the last drag of my cigarette
Let the air mingle with the ***** on my breath
The shot I took out of the glass with your name on it
Happy Birthday
A shot and a smoke for another year you'll never see

*The Suicide Diaries

I'm begging you to stay
Before November Comes
To take you away

*The Suicide Diaries

I'll sing you to sleep
One last time
While you're still alive
And I hear you breathing
I'll kiss you goodbye
One last time
While you're still alive
Before I feel you leaving
I want to hold your hand
While you slip away
Before the start of the day
While I still believe in life
And all it's beautiful colors
Did it hurt when you left me alone?
I don't want to go home
I don't want to stay out
I don't wanna be alive
How are you gone and I've survived?
You were my air
You were always there
When I was sick
When you were tired
We were both so blind
To what the future held for me
I guess I couldn't see
Myself, without you
Being there
You had to go
This I know
But it still burns
In my soul
That you're gone
It just feels so wrong
I tried my best
Nothing less for you
I did what I could do
But the voices in your head
They got the best of what I said
They took you
On the nights that you bled
From your wrists
In my head
Since I couldn't see you
Or kiss you goodnight
They still linger
In my eyes
In the mirror
You're still here
Please don't leave me alone
Let me breathe you in
One more time
Let me do it again
Tell you to live
When you wanted to die
Then I started to cry
And you loved me enough to stay
I miss things being that way
When you still cared
Enough to be there
Just one more night

*Please Just Give Me One More Night

I swore that I was never going to do this again.
I was never going to have another sleepless night
Staying up convincing someone to live
When I could have been sleeping,
Or reading,
Or dreaming.
When I could have been doing anything but that.
I swore I was never going to play
The Sleeping Or Dead game
With another person I care about.
No more driving around at one in the morning
Tapping on windows to make sure
Someone was still breathing.
I swore I was never going to do any of it again,
But here I am.
I tell myself to stay away.
Not to get involved if I see it.
I swore that I would never care again.
That I would never try again.
Never would I feel the pain of loss again
Yet Here I Am
Living in this moment,
While you're slowly dying

*The Suicide Diaries

You're still breathing
But I can't sleep
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
Let me hold you
And rock you to sleep
With lullabies laced with Novocaine
Rest in peace
Rest in peace
I promise I'll be here in the morning
Will you?
Say you will
*Say you will

I'm ****** up today
The feeling of you is clanging around in my chest
It's not just lingering anymore
It feels too heavy
I'm swimming in an ocean of lost chances
And loving you is a lead weight
That's sinking me to the bottom
I smoked all evening
The smell of cigarettes and despair follows me through the hallways
It isn't deterred by closed doors or sweet-smelling perfume
I'm ****** up today
And you aren't here to see it

*The Suicide Diaries

Do not make the mistakes that I have
             Let the broken people be broken
       Understand without really understanding
                              Never try too see things as they do
                                             For the more you see as they do
The more like them you will become
             Until you yourself are broken
                              I saw beauty in life till they came along
                                              Now it is empty
Except for the opportunity to understand
             I live to understand
                              To be broken but appear strong
                                               Even though I have held a bottle
My hand shook, but I wasn't afraid
             My eyes were wet but I could not cry
                              I wasn't ready but I wasn't afraid
                                               In that moment I could've died
Leave the brokenness to those who have caught the disease
             Watch them waste away in mournful silence
                             Try not to understand what makes them that way
                                              Or partake in the pinch of a blade
I know you are strong, but so was I
              I was above all the things that crippled them
                              Now here I am shaking on my stilts
                                               Do not try to understand the broken people
                                                          ­             Do Not Be Like Me
*The Suicide Diaries

For someone in a wooden box
Buried six foot deep under the earth
Rotting away into nothing but bones
No longer breathing
Heart no longer beating
Skin no longer warm
You sure as hell know how to make a girl's heart race

*The Suicide Diaries

Just a second closer to suicide or death.
Whichever comes first leaves behind what's left.
Tell me please lover, which would you prefer?
I'm taking one option and leaving the other for her.
A silent quiet drift away or a violent ****** mess
Give me some notice so I know how to dress
Something pretty and pink or something harsh and black
It'll be a shame to ruin pretty things when you stab me in the back
So please tell me now honey, please just let me know
Should I be afraid to die, or excited to go?
The answers at the bottom of this big jar of pills
Should I take them all right now or one at a time for the thrill?
So wave goodbye darling for this is it for me
I'll let you know if this is as beautiful as you always wanted it to be.

*The Suicide Diaries

Nothing matters today
I keep breathing
The world keeps spinning
Someone somewhere is dying
Half a bottle in
With a stomach fulls of pills
Bleeding wrists
And tired eyes
Nothing matters today
Tomorrow nothing will change
Tears will be shed
Over the lives lost yesterday
Which seems to be today
Curious how that works
Nothing matters today
Nothing will matter tomorrow
Because in the end,
Nothing really matters

*The Suicide Diaries

We will all fall
Just like the leaves
Ending all
The tears we bleed
At seasons change
Our pain will end
Remember me
Goodbye my friend

*The Suicide Diaries

How do you prevent something that's already happening?
Death that has already taken a life?
Do you beg?
Do you plead?
No.
You prepare a coffin.
Just like someone's already done for you.
I love you,
And you destroyed me.

*The Suicide Diaries

What is there left to say?
I've run out of tears
I've run out of pain
Two long years you've been away
What is there left to say?

*The Suicide Diaries