Hi
Your voice... It's so nice to hear again.
It almost hurts....
but I've been so numb since you've been gone.

You've reached me
Have I?
I hope you're in heaven.
I never believed in god or an afterlife,
You know that.
but I hope there is now.

I'm out of reach right now
Because you won't be out reach forever,
If you're in heaven.
But heaven knows, I won't see you again.
You're so far gone.

But leave a message
And the closest I can get
is sitting at your tombstone.
Stone is cold and it doesn't warm my heart
like you once did.

and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
I miss you so much,
And I will see you soon.

Your call is important to me.

*beep

As I walk
the words of those that never existed
echo inside of my mind

I have learned
that you don't have to share each other's blood
to be the closest brothers

I can hear
thousands of voices swelling up inside
each begging for just one chance

I can see
every one of those smiling faces
that I've never laid eyes upon

Now I know
I'm friends with those that never existed
those that I have never met

I have fought
hundreds of battles with nary a scratch
but been mortally wounded

For I am
A warrior, a queen, a servant, a child,
a mere bystander

Because I
Have a library inside of my head
of all that I read

Narcolepsy* hard and heavy watch me fall asleep
            Lulled to bed in a cunning thread of the tangled web we weave
    I dream in pristine colors, windows of my mind anew
No fingerprints or ***** looks or evidence of you

         I find comfort in forever wherever it may be
        I may have left my home but it will always stay with me
                 The smell of all the smoke with the sound of all the rain
   On constant playback every second deep within my brain

        I found that time is all that matters and everything else faded
        I spent years and years learning how to forget everything I hated
    I've only gotten older and have nothing left to show
              Except a ringing alarm clock and blood on my pillow

     Narcolepsy** hard and heavy watch me as I sleep
     Another pill, another high, another date to keep
      If I shall die before I wake, I hope that I'm with you
    Then it won't matter where I go, cause you will see me through

My stars are okay,
It's my mind that is the problem
Restless mind, repeated questions
And the inability to slow down and listen

Perhaps to stay still for the moment would be the best idea

You forgot to love me in the places I am broken
Like the cracks of a frozen lake,
Inevitably I fell through to the cold water
you, out of my reach.

I never could have known
Although I am so grateful
That the most painful
Significant and
Distasteful moments
In my life
Would become

Me

I keep falling
In and out
Of sadness.
Will the cycle
Never
End?
Will I constantly
Have to deal
With these
Emotions?
With these little
Whispers
That won’t let
Me think clearly?
These whispers that
Won’t let me sleep?
These whispers
That make
Me want to
Stay in bed
until the time
for bed
comes around
again?
These heavy
Thoughts
Keep me pushed
Against the mattress,
Sagging,
Like the teddy bear
Staring at me
From the ground
Near my bed,
Where I’d thrown it once
But I felt so weak
That the bear didn’t go very
Far.
It sits there
Staring at me
With it’s blank eyes
That I’d coloured in
With a black
Sharpie
Childhoods ago
When their colour started to
Fade.
Now their darkness
Pulls me in
And drags me into
Another cycle of
Depression.
I’m trapped again
In this colourless void
Where I float in the
Centre
Of my mind
Feeling nothing
Seeing nothing
Being nothing.