I have told you of the delema I face with my mother and sister, in the perspective of my sister.
My mother is drawing near to the brink of suicidal thoughts,
All due to the conflictions with my sister, I continuesly blamed my mother, not knowing, not wanting to know my sisters role as the whipper to the whipped was.   But I am at a crossroads, I believe my sister, I believe my mother, but to fight for each other's approval is absurd.
The thing is that I am a person who strives to make things better, no matter the cost or the probability of success.
Right now the war at the peak,
My mother is praying to her god that she be hit by a semi.
While my sister revolts against society and destroys her future.
While I sit here uselessly in between the both of them pulling them away from the bridge of suicide.

I stand here alone,
Unable to speak,
My back turned pretending pride,
As my mother walks away,
My heart dies as I want to help her ,
But I keep walking,
My dam pride forcing me to step farther away,
I can't grasp control of my body,
What am I proud of,
Nothing,
I walking away achieves nothing,
So I turn around and let go of my pride,
"Mom,"
The tears that well in my eyes as she turns around,
"I'm so sorry mom, I..."
But she silences me as I am embraced by her body.

I went down to the land of woe
Where all the selfish people go
They all set around a banquet table
But to eat they just weren't able
Glorious food was all abound
Eagerly at that table they all sat around
But the forks and spoons where a mile long
They all cried, "this is unfair and wrong"
Try as the might
They couldn't get it right
Some where dying of hunger
They couldn't get the food to their mouths, they where going under
They couldn't  figure out how to eat
It seems this life has them beat

              Meanwhile

Just across the river nine
This is what you'll find
It's the exact same scene
Glorious food, it's so serene
They all set around a great big table
Same long utensils, but to eat they are able
Can you imagine what the difference is
Why they can eat and live like this.....................

It's a lesson we all should learn
So by ourselves we don't get burned
It's as simple as thinking of others
For my friend, they feed one another

I am afraid of what the future holds,
There is no "live in the now"
Because that's what you do when your retired,
But as I mature in to an adult,
I find that I am afraid,
I am afraid of every single decision I make,
I am afraid of messing up,
I am afraid that there will be no one to tell me that it's okay,
I'm afraid not for what is happening,
I am afraid of what will happen.

Where once the rows of corn grew
Now grow rows of fast food joints
Minimum wage factories
were underprivileged kids line up in
rows with no other ability

I used to go to the river
to row my worries away
Now I get up on plane
and set down
before I can change my mind .

The county went bankrupt
They stole billions of the people's money
Now they line up at the
unemployment line
row after row

Section C , row 24
Right behind the concrete column
Waited for this concert
But hey
It's just the way it goes

Day after day
row upon row

Channel your energy.

Then don't change the channel.

Channel your energy.

Then don't drain the channel.

My heart races as I approach,
I sit down on the couch,
Trying to appear casual,
My palms are sticky from sweat,
I try focusing my attention to the tv,
But my mind spins,
Hold it, wait till it goes to commercial, I tell myself,
I wait past yet another commercial break fighting a battle in my head,
Finally I can't hold it in any longer,

"Mom, I need to tell you something."

when you have to choose
between
the  devil
(not even bothering to be in
sheep's clothing )
and
a sinner

it's still a
no brainer

after all
we're all
sinners

think
about
it.

Our
whole
future
is
at
stake.

Cj 2016