A heart isn't a game
*** isn't a game or a gamble
Tears are potions of frustration and pain
*** was never intended to be physical gain
I could knock on this ****
Point out everything not worth it
But still no one would ever get what my mouth tries to say
This age, and this day
Nothing but a petty game I'll have to play

1.I miss the way you laughed at my singing because you felt I always "tried too hard."

2. I miss you giving me the cold shoulder. It meant you cared. But now it means something else.

3. I miss how awake and alert you are in the morning. I miss pushing you and your too much energy self off because I wasn't awake enough yet.

4. I miss your sarcastic jokes that were always followed by a hug and a "I love you" with a chuckle.

5. I miss how silly our conversations were. We talked about everything and anything. You would say "How the hell did the universe come up with you?"

6. I miss the more deep conversations. You looked at the ground while my fingertips drew circles on your back. Your eyes would close and you slowed your breathing. I miss the stillness and that silence. Theres nothing I wouldn't give to trade this silence for that silence.

7. I miss the play fighting. I remember one time someone said "At first, I thought you guys were being serious but then I saw the way he looked at you." If only you could look at me like that again. Like nothing else mattered.

8. I miss your arms and the way it made me feel like I spent all of my life being in the wrong places. The only place, the one place, I belonged was in your arms.

9. I miss your awful jokes. I miss laughing not because I thought it was funny but because you said it and nothing made my heart feel more joy than you.

10. I miss you. I miss the amount of pride I felt standing next to you. I miss the fighting and the screaming and the slamming doors and the making up and the heartache and the pain. It was everything and nothing. It was painful but wonderful. It was all that I imagined love to be. I can't seem to say goodbye but I know you want me to.

If it doesn't set your insides on fire, is it really love?

I dreamed of you,
you and your glorious spirit,
infectious and dangerous

I dreamed of you who is not mine,
of our times archived,
distant as if long lost and forgotten

I dreamed of you and our strong ties,
as if we're still together,
and times are easy

I dreamed of you and I long for you
as much as dreams don't make sense
feelings are true yet they deceive often
Wishes are only wishes,
I know

Not today,
for these 24 hours I will wallow in my memories of you,
of our odd encounters
basking in my sentiments,
before you leave again
just like I did before

I ache as if you have died
but yet you still breath
just not me
so I grieve
for the ghost of us,
for two
for we only lived in me

You live in memories
that dance along my ribs,
twist around my lungs and
swim in my veins.
I feel you like scars,
carved deep into my skin with
hurt and hope.


Sometimes I think you can hear me,
when it's 3:57am and the oceans between us are here
in my heart.
You have become my
blood
bones
breath -

I have to tear myself apart
to let you go.