to be a woman is to perform
to learn to dress for men,
to perform for the male gaze
to be asked by aunts,
“when am i going to get grandchildren?”
and to be told by uncles
that ive grown in all the right places
im not even able to look at the clothes
that hot hands had burnt through
touching, feeling, squeezing
remembering their hands on me
i don't want revenge,
i just want to take a shower
his lips curl into a whistle as i walk the street
“looking good, baby”
im wearing sweats and a hoodie
“smile more!”
make me laugh.
i don't feel like it right now, i say
“it'll be quick, please” he replies back
and i'm left feeling disgusted the next day
maybe i'll take another shower.
scrolling on my phone, a cute video of a little girl
I go to check the comments
“game is game”
“if she can bleed she can breed”
i close my phone, scared what this world has come to
my friend tells a story about how she got *****
and crazy enough, we all relate
and with girls we've never even met before
bonding over our **** cases
“don’t sit like that,” says my grandmother
“it's not lady-like.”
it doesn't matter how far i slouch in my seat
how much i manspread
even if its not lady-like, he’ll do it anyways
because he takes ******* as an invitation
even from a young girl
who doesn't even know how to count all the way to fifty
“dont tell your parents– it's our secret”
hands cover my mouth as i tell myself it's normal
this is what family does, what men do
and suddenly i'm too afraid to look at my own father
i talk to a guy, he's funny
and then he makes a **** joke
i thought you were one of the good ones
foolish
i live each day in fear
is it safe to walk out?
no, we can't live there
the ****** assault cases are high.
when will we ever be free?
when will women be equal to men
and not just equal to pleasure?
filled with rage, i remind myself
i cannot do anything.
because
to be a woman is to perform

Save me, so sweetly,
with your expert advice
on how to live someone else's life.

Advice is 𝑛𝑜𝑡 opinion.
It should be dissected, examined—
an understanding of 𝑚𝑦 situation.

Put yourself in my 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑,
not just in my shoes.
Tell me what I’ve forgotten,
𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑 me—don’t remake me.

Open my eyes to 𝑚𝑦 goal, not yours.
Tell me how to achieve—
𝑛𝑜𝑡 what you believe.

Otherwise, don’t be surprised
when I seem not to listen.

I do.

I 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 do.

But only the good advice
will be used.

Still, I should be thankful
for how kindly you’ve killed me.

And now,
what an honor—
for you to save me, so sweetly.

only you
only your words
can be a dagger that's unseen
the one that cuts me deep
that strips the strength I've built over the years

so tell me mom
how can you demand what you don't give
how can you speak love and throw hate
what's in me that you so despise
what's in me that makes me a target-
to your words, your fist and your rage
you throw your junk at me and expect me to stay quiet?

even after all you do  
my lips are the ones who shape a sorry
then gets buried in my heart
but soon I will suffocate
and soon it will inundate
from the hurt that's been replaced by hope
the hope that someday you'd recognize that I'm already holding a lot
while trying to hold myself
hold you and the rest

sorry but I cant take it
I can't swallow fire and pretend it doesn't burn
I can't bring you joy and hide my sorrow
can't be enough, can't be the best, can't make you smile

know that every scratch you left
makes me question why I'm trying
why I'm going through these trials
while I can cheat my way out,
without a goodbye