Suffocation is the only word to describe this feeling
It's heavy in my heart
It's filling up my lungs
It's your lead hand on my throat
It's the words clogging my windpipe
It's the betrayal that holds me under
This is the purest form of suffocation

That side of me
Its ugly and disgraceful
Manipulative and jealous
Insecure and angry
Fragile and sharp
To bury this side
To smother it
To cut it into pieces would be a breath of fresh air

Trembling
For your hurt
For my wound
For my dull edged knife
For the pity
For the blame
For the way your heart tears itself to pieces on that jagged blade

Shaking hands
My stomach and heart have switched place
My lungs have left home
The wall is down
I’m rebuilding it in time for tomorrow
Re-establishing apathy
If I had something that made feeling easier
I’d use it

I can hear it
Calling for understanding
On my skin and in my bones
It pollutes my veins
Craves an escape hatch
Pounds at my rib cage
Paces behind my eyes
Screams to be let free
It doesn't know that there is a lock
And I don't have the key

Cigarettes and sweet alcohol
That's what you taste like
It's cold here but you're warm
Your mouth
Your hands
All over my skin
This moment
This roughness
This sweet sensation
This illusion
I hope we meet again

I sit here in the glowing warmth, the fire pushes back the cold night and I pick bits of the forest from my hair. Tonight I took more effort to hide the flames from view, it was the way he watched me. Unsettling and uncomfortable. Piercing. I left bits of burning birch to to ward off the obvious gaze with distraction. First night I've been afraid out here. The fire offers comfort but only against animals.
The unwanted man is another matter entirely.

I wake up in his arms
I barely remember his name
But he’s one of the sweetest I’ve ever been with
When I go to wake him he pulls me close and asks for ten more minutes
I love the way he touches me
The soft trailing of his fingers on my spine
His whisper of a kiss on my shoulder
Such intimate affection between us
I’ve only known him for a few hours
And I don’t know if I’ll see him again
But for now I’ll just breathe this moment in and soak up these gentle kisses

I want to kiss you
I want to breathe you in
I want to **** you far down into my lungs and absorb you like smoke
I want to exhale you like a sigh

My world is filled with strangers.
People without last names.
Intense closeness and then nothing.
Passing through without a trace.
I don't mind but it all feels paper thin.
I want something solid to stand on.

We carried his body back to shore. There was nothing we could do to stop this man hellbent on self destruction. He planned it out and wanted it more than anything. Here we are left to clean up, left to drag his corpse back to shore. His old weathered skin still holding that final smirk of satisfaction. I hope the water brought him peace, I hope the water calmed the war in his head.
Everything else is best left unsaid.
Goodbye old friend.

Skin is far too tight and thin.
It can not possibly contain the soul of me.
I hope I don't make a mess when it all gives way.

I am a tight knot of chaos and impulse
I am erratic, spinning in a wild off kilter dance
I am poison to the beautiful things I love
I turn them sour with my touch