Deep sea memory diving

Repeat.
Rinse your hair
Is this (your) hair

My eyes big
     my vision small

Breathing lumpy
Like my mother's mashed potatoes

Dreaming
         Too bad you're not asleep.

We used to say goodbye like it was a ritual
Then it became tradition
And as we found ourselves
in future generations of our self
we can't remember the last time

We tread on broken water
the spout in her neck
running dry
No more, no more goodbye

(Me) With hair of cotton candy & bird's nests
(You) Sticks for legs
(Me) Pieces of glass in my knee cap
                   in the curve of my cheek
(You) Bleeding heart, it's getting all over
                                the carpet

Ambition
       becomes fear
When you're the one holding yourself back

                               ~~

The rain, drops
like seconds of a clock
And I rather keep my own time

                           ~~

The porch is stripped bare
like my opened robe
the full moon an umbrella
shining light on    my     own    pale skin
Another counterfeit
of the celestial globe

                           ~~

The shower spews meteors
burning fever, hot hot hot
like it's the one who's sick

                           ~~

I paint my nails with a
toothbrush
'Cause all I'm really doing
is trying to get Clean

                           ~~

Force fed thoughts
like baby food
when does motherly ad(vice)
Finally cut the cord

The lines curve
like scissors,
like a paper doll
with dotted lines
and you're playing connect the dots

so you're     [  outside the box   ]
And now nobody can hear you
in this Space

Now you are cutting lines
carving gardens in your arms
hoping
coping
that these are just scars

You lift the blinds
blinking
A message in a bottle
in the ocean between our homes
But you are a jellyfish

(When I was a child
you laid there
tender without oxygen
you blue little jellyfish
in innocence i tried to save you)

But you are a jellyfish
And I am a lighthouse
I can't save you
Only (mis)guide you

You have cacti coming out of your eyes
Toothpicks in your teeth
Buzzards living in/on your feet
Content with eating the footsteps you follow
So you can't trace your way back home

My mother stands with an axe
In front of my sister's door
As if she can chop
                            down her defiance
like a tree

It's late
Home is somewhere before memories
and after a tomorrow that'll never come
And now I'm climbing over a fence
That's gutting me like a fish
With dogs in the distance waiting their turn
                        
                        Flashlights Swirling
like carousels
But there is no childhood
These are just train tracks
And home is something I'll never know

My elbow pops
Like the way the word
Snap dragon sounds

My freckles aren't constellations
They're reminders that I am not
Dark and ancient
Like my ******* father

My hair
FRIZZY
Like a pumpkin on fire

Voice
So sweet it makes me sick
And now all my teeth have fallen out

My throat swollen
A cave with an avalanche stuck inside
Dead bats
And stalactites like toothpicks
I don't need

Nails
Like tree bark
Hollow in all the right places

Scars
Like a record
Of the way I hurt myself
Put it on Repeat
Till it scratches

Cheeks like high school
Like humiliation
With four eyes perching
Not lucky clovers

And eyes glued on
With one glued on wrong

And knees that I'm constantly falling down on