Each name is a splinter in the finger,
a room full of regrets.
Children running in grassy fields without shoes.
The wind in 80 degree weather.
Velvet.
Soft.
Reminding.
Forever.

Moss, and evergreens.
Pale azaleas and vines that grow tall with the warmth of spring.
I hope morning glories sprout their soft wings with the rise of the sun, light filtering through branches of leaves that hang so delicately above.
I hope for milk thistle,
Venus fly traps and nettles.
Sprouts pushing from the earth with a grace that’s invisible to the human eye.
Even with the greatest patience.

They said his steps sounded like the ticking of a time bomb.

Her knees were in the dirt.
Blood, sweat and tears filled the earth,
and the sky cracked open.
Come closer, it said.
She shook her head, remembering the slow steps of her father’s father. The yellow fingers that toyed with the fabric between buttons,
The bruises that she wore on her abdomen.
The fear.
The pain.
It’s all the same,
it’s all the same.

She was soft, and quiet.
With thoughtful eyes, and the slowest of body.
Her mind was quick.
Synapses firing to give her grace, silence and posture.
She saw it all as one.
Her heart and mind in sync,
belly full of nothing but the sweetness of the love she felt for everyone. Words flowed with ease, when she used them.
She didn’t have to,
for her eyes spoke truths that sent shivers down strangers spines.
She scared some, too.
But, she never noticed.
Just filled her cup with water,
drank and walked forward.

One day our paths will collide, again and I will be stable.
I will be tall with hair untouched, eyes wide and lips relaxed.
He will have a baby on his hip and 3 women holding his hand.
We will smile through tears and I will kiss his cheeks 4 times
to remember the weight of his lips and become dizzy.

But I will not stumble.

I will be a tree with shiny leaves and roots deep into the earth.
My branches will reach high into the sky

with Light to be the only lover I ever know.

Do not be afraid.
This is not the end
This is a beginning
Of something bright and beautiful
This is the start of deep change
Self love
And a chance to free the demons
You cast upon others
Leave him be, dear heart
For his path has proven to be different than yours
And that’s okay.
It’s okay,
You will see his soul in
Another life,
Someday,
But that day
Is not today.
Leave it behind
So you both may strive
With lovers that have puzzle pieces
For hearts
Understanding and bursting
With desire.
Let the bird be free,
And be free with it.
Do not sit,
Afraid to turn around.
Dont be afraid to move forward.
Find peace in the day.
In the week.
In this life.

I spent my life waiting for you.

Tasting your flesh on others, I knew the smell of your sweat before holding your physical face in my mind’s eye. But this does not matter.This was nothing but the feeling that aroused my being when looking into your eyes for the first time. This was simply the line in the water that attached my soul to yours and everyone else’s.

I held my breath and then, I saw you. light sparkling, aura burning. Your astral self floated around in my day dreams. I prayed. Listened harder than I have ever had to, because I had to. And in you came, galloping on a horse bright white. Like the gods themselves descended, and allowed you a few minutes to enter this dimension. To hold the hand of the lover(s) you never felt, but felt.

Soft, and gentle. Your skin reminded me of the house I grew up in, and longed to never leave. Your pain glistened like the glassiness of your eyes as you held me in your heart, terrified that I would leave you. That somehow your beauty would be taken for-granted, with the vision of me drinking your cup greedily and you having to refill and refill, until there was nothing to fill it with. And, I did. I drank, fearfully. That veil hung heavily in my eyes, wrapping my body tightly and you begged me to take it off. Let your face be seen, you said. I asked which one, and pulled out my heart. Stood there with it in my hands, letting sticky, smelly blood run down my calves and stomach, and you smiled. The first real smile I had seen, in what felt like decades.

Now, dissect. Rip it apart, you said. I argued that it may never look the same, that it would it would fill every nerve with pain. But just you smiled that smile, and took my hand. Tried to stitch every stitch, every slice, every position possible. But it kept slipping, the way you slipped around inside me. Moving, shifting, making space, rearranging my soul so it may fit you. So we may fit inside each other, in this life that was no longer ethereal, but a physical thing. Too physical for my soul to understand, it seemed. Relentlessly circling my small intestine around your throat, like a snake with no eyes left. Trying hard to go home.

Bent and twisted

We sought hope in the wicked

Words and intentions

And honourable mentions

Of our dearly departed

Before the days started

With wounds of the millions

.


*Solace forbidden,

Hidden

In the wells of emotion

Laws set in motion 

To seal the fate of our brothers last dream

Your image was shuffled to me
Like cards across the table
The moment I saw your darkened photo 
Against the grain of a vision screen
And my hands reached toward my mouth, hoping for words that would portray the best,
The person who lived,
 deep inside my chest

I thought I saw you

before I saw you.

I thought I felt the wind

grace the back of my neck

like

Whispers tempered with speeches,

waiting. 

Those, thoughts that played against my mind

Like a memory that served purpose years ago.

You carried through me like the river.

In and out,

Back and fourth.

Mud stuck to the bottoms of my feet,

I rinsed them in the cool stream of your reminders.

Were you real?

As real as I am.

And although I dreamed these things,

You confirmed each line I came to remember.

There was that silence that Bumped along your hips

like,

Stars in the sky and the forest of trees

behind the house you grew up in.

Was it a dream,

was it a stitched together

like the meandering waterfall,

its roaring voice too loud to hear the tickling of that cold water.

When I took my shoes off and jumped in,

 naked and full of fear,

and you held me close.

You said with your voice I heard as harmonics,

I’m right here.

I’m right here.

And I let my body lay against yours,

 like I had done it a thousand times,

and told you to come to bed.

 Your flesh was like the mountains I visited as a child.

Dips and canyons engraved upon my minds eye,

my fingers laced against the curves of your essence.

And I breathed your name like it was a lullaby.

I let you break every barrier I had ever built

Within the those moments of bodies melting, becoming one.

The day blazed a opening ceremony for the dead still  in a world of sleepy conscious.
Trumpets sounded and fires rose from the curve of earths crust. 
His small and crumpled hand rose to his face to wipe the dust from his eyelids. 
Visions of a night spent in holy flourish fill his waiting cup. 
He looks around at the same dizzy bedroom and wishes for home. 
Home that never was seen with human eyes. 
His fortress, his sanction and blessed love live in the hollows of his slowly dying heart. 
And pain, she eludes him.
His hands so gently placed upon Her back she turns away. Fever rising in the depths of her icy river feet. 
The floor begins to creak and stir as he leaves his humble bed.
A trail of softened carpet makes a path to the door. He opens it quietly, and screams once more.  Flames, tendrils lick heavens blessings, burdening what could have been.

A new day crept through my open window.
A whisper of yesterday presses its hands against my swollen belly. 
Hunger rises in my hunters core.

Outside, I hear the dance of tribal song. 
I ponder it’s significance. 

Where does the sun breed it’s beacon? 

I toss and turn,
My dreams still play against my honor. 

The breast of winter has wishes to play accordance, But
I beg for summer daze.

I open my music box to hear sounds of relevance, 
And quiver.

I thought I saw you before I saw you.

I thought I felt the wind grace the back of my neck like
Whispers tempered with speeches waiting to call you by name. 
Those,
thoughts that played against my memory 
Like the river that carries you through and out

The fantasy I built
Only it's real, your real. 
As real as I am.
And although I dreamed things I didn't think were possible, 
You  confirmed each line I memorized 
With a silence that Bumped along your hips like
Stars in the sky and the forest of trees behind your grandmothers house where we made love for the first time. 

Was it a dream?
Was it a stitched together like the
meandering waterfall,
roaring voice too loud to hear the tickling of the stream. 
When I took my shoes off and jumped into that water, naked and full of fear, and you held me close and said with your voice I heard with harmonics resonating,
I'm right here. 
I'm right here.
And I let my body lay against yours,
like I had done it a thousand times, and told you to come to bed. 

I remember remembering. 

Your flesh were like the mountains I visited as a child,
dips and canyons engraved upon my minds eye.

Your heart bumped to the same beat of my aching breast that you held your hand upon

Remember, remember 

Your heavy eyes that lingered much too long for 
My own self hatred to hang around and watch
The love you let echo between our writhing bodies, over and over again

The way you knew what I was saying, without even knowing me,
and I wondered if I was falling,
breaking all the barriers.

.                                
Tangled threads of beaming light                          
Yesterday today and tomorrows blessing            
As we borrow pity and switch the beat                    
Hands held high, praising praising                      
The glory that sits upon our blistered feet           
And we dare not utter sleep        
                     
*We are the minds counterpart
Heavy in the contexts
A linger in the words felt
Through the hollows door
An explicit glance through the past
And therefore our future