Beyond the pillars of my once shining life
Stand the giants who hold it all together
Tears stream down their faces
As they claw at the earth beneath my feet
Holding up whatever it is they think is left to hold

My life, now ruined
Was once looked upon with gloried gazes.
As pure and white as sculptors marble
My life burned with the promise of more
Yet more became less
And less became nothing

Gone are the days when men would marvel at my flowing hair,
My bright brown eyes.
All that's left is dull and dead
Like a fish barely breathing on the hook,
My flesh is torn with ever **** and twitch
And my screams echo
Like crystal chimes in an empty room

I stand alone atop my broken throne
And gaze upon my kingdom.
I watch the giants tears drown the memories I once loved
And I watch the ground beneath their feet crumble and break away
Yet I don't run
I saw this in hindsight, I knew I would break
But I always thought I'd destroy myself on my own terms.
I never thought you'd be the one
To smash my kingdom to tiny bits
But I should have known.
*I should have known.

the sea was never so still
as the night i spilled my guts
in the sink from vanilla pills
and laughed at my immortality

when i scream underwater
the blue screams back to me
in my maraschino heart
i know one thing to be true:
that the cooing and the howling
will never leave the ocean floor
and fall upon the waiting ears
of those who i meant it for

I put on my dads coat
every time I leave to smoke
because between a long exhale
and his cologne
I remember in lucidity
one of the last times I saw him.

It was four in the morning
I was drunk on whiskey and alone
yet again,
not that he was surprised
or angered
by my antics.

As always
he was halfway
down the driveway
by the time
my phone rang.

"Do you have a cigarette on you?"

I was silent awhile
until I nodded,
shyly obliged,
and removed the last one from my pocket
which I gladly sacrificed.

He laughed and shook his head
his small fire illuminating the thick fog
around us
and his sunken eyes
exhausted from a day of work
that had drained us both.

My vision blurring
in and out of focus
fleeting street lights displayed
an abundance of nose marks
his favorite dog
left on the window.

I saw my fathers familiar hand
reach out
offering me a drag
which I silently accepted,
and I'm glad I did.

As the smoke cleared
I half-smiled to myself,
because if I could see us now
things would be different.

I unknowingly accepted
a share of the last gift
I would give.

I'm glad
I killed a piece of me
with him.

I'm glad
he still has it
wherever he is.