How can you write what you feel,
What you know,
When you don’t?
How can I keep the words from running dry
When I’m wasting time trying to squeeze them
From the inkwell of my mind?

I am not an artist,
I am a student.

And yet everything I’ve learned
Seems to fail me.
Rhymes, meter, imagery:
Why do I know these things
If I can’t use them myself?

I am not an artist,
I am an observer.

This problem is not rare
And yet as I write about not writing
I write.
My lack of a story
Is a story itself.
Thinking is the enemy
And in this head of mine
My foe flies at me relentlessly.
Sometimes a mind overflowing with thoughts
Can hurt more than an imagination run dry.
Yet the pain only fuels me.

I am not an artist,
But I could be.

you were the little rain,
and i was the hurricane,
everybody knew you were meant to fix something,
and i was meant to destroy everything.
you are the definition of lightness,
while i was the meaning of darkness.
your body is the realm of all the lost things that are found,
while mine was the other way around.
to sum things up,
we were the polar opposites.
the east and the west,
the tame and the wild,
the day and the night.
when i was lost,
people would say that someday,
someone will knock on your door and when you take a look at it,
you will not recognize who the person is,
your mind will be blasting with the questions,
"who are you?", "what are you doing here?"
and maybe you would even tell the person to get out.
but the person will leave something in front of your door,
a thing that you perhaps wanted or despised,
a thing that even the closest people in your life can give,
but instead, this time,
a stranger will.
it's called the unexpected.
you came knocking on my door one day,
thinking you can settle things with the hurricane,
at first i just laughed and said,
"nobody can handle the hurricane."
however after that i never thought a little rain
would have so much effect on me.
that was when i realised you are also the thing
that you left in front of my door.
you are the unexpected.
and by means of unexpected,
you never did anything i expected you to do.
you didn't give me a playlist of the songs that remind you of me
but my favourite songs are nothing compared to your voice,
one simple "hello" of you will make me stop listening to my playlist.
you didn't take me to art museums
and admire the wonderful paintings with my presence
but you made me feel like a living masterpiece every single day.
when i told you i love art,
you asked why don't i love myself.
you do not connect me to a rose,
or to a smoke,
you do not make metaphors for me
and you do not love poems as much as i do
but your words have the power to hit me more than any other poets could
and i am just a coward to not admit it.
you didn't call me at 11 pm to ask
if i wanted to go see the stars,
like i've always dreamed of.
but just by staring at you,
i can see the stars, the milky way, even the whole universe,
and i knew that moment
that there is no need for stargazing in the middle of the night
when i can look at you all the time.
you didn't enjoy my favourite shows,
you couldn't take it because of how much blood was shown in it,
and i saw beauty in it.
this is probably a poem about
our disparity,
our contrast,
and our dissimilarities.
but you did something that i never expected you to do,
you did the unexpected.
you found the light in me
no matter how dark it might be.
my body was no longer the realm of lost things,
because you've done everything to find them.
and i was no longer the hurricane who is known
to destroy everything,
because for some reasons i couldn't destroy you,
you were the exception.
despite of all the things i wanted you to do that you never did,
the playlists,
the museum dates,
the appreciation of poetry,
the stargazing.
you did something that took my breath away,
something that i couldn't ask for more,
something that was unexpected.
you loved me,
and that was enough,
that was more than enough.

You think you know me. But you see only what I show you. A reflection of the symphony inside my ribs, caged for eternity in a heart that you feel beating but will never hear.

I have shown you what is lost. I hope for redemption besides your flesh but I am not looking to be saved by you. I use you the same way you use me. At night, the darkness peers in and I allow it to consume me, the way you consume me.  Bite by bite. Inch by inch. Slowly.

I am a jungle and you must cross my tangled flesh intentionally, carving out a path decisively or you will be lost under the moon without any sympathy. I dare you to find a forest more treacherous than that of my heart. A territory uninhabited. Cold as the North Pole. You are a savage and I think I’d let you in.

Her lips
bring me to my knees.
Light me up like kerosene.
And if mine were to meet them again,
I’d pull her in close and remove all doubt
that I can bring her to her knees just as well.

I love every part of her,
from the hottest crevasse to the coldest shoulder,
and if it were to turn my way again,
I’d pull her in close and remove all doubt
that my shoulders were made for her arms to rest on.

Her laughter is a music
that whisks me away to far off worlds,
and if a fool’s incantation will make it sound,
I’d pull her in close and remove all doubt
that I am a fool for her and always will be.

Sometimes life changes drastically before your eyes.
Sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.
And sometimes there is, but this isn't one of those times.
Sometimes the ones closest to you drift away like the wind.
Sometimes, they stay like they said they would.
Sometimes you're left on your own, feeling trapped with no way out.
When those times come, embrace the chaos in your life, put a smile on, and dance with the destruction.
Sometimes it doesn't work, and you feel lost and out of place like a fish out of water.
But i promise, things will get better.
Sometimes, even if it hurts to pull through, it's the only path to take.
Sometimes you have to be your own hero.

know that feeling that everything just seems so right & perfect like there's nothing in the world that could go wrong because you've got that person your person right by your side
throughout anything and for once you aren't afraid of getting your heart broken cause that's something they would never do to you and that feeling is just so great because you get to     share every laugh, tears, dreams, & goals with them and this time, this time
You know they're not leaving anywhere
so you don't have to worry about not being able to tell them a story because you know you'll have any time of the day to say what you want to say and they don't mind the quiet silence, they're actually very comfortable with it because the quietest conversations are the best thing shared between you two
every morning you've got that smile on your face because a new day filled with adventure is awaiting for you this feeling you can't seem to describe it's like seeing a shooting star for the first time & wishing for that ultimate wish
it's like watching the sunset & getting mesmerized by the beauty of it it's like hearing the calming sound that the ocean makes & everything is peaceful
It's like seeing a full moon & everything just seem to bright & full  and for the first time in a long time you feel full, you're complete and this feeling is happiness you weren't quite familiar with it smiles & constant happiness
being with you is like having the world within the back of my hand
being with you is having a garden filled with sunflowers growing inside of me
And with you there are no rainy days, only bright & shiny ones and I remember someone asking me "what is the most beautiful piece of art that you have ever seen?" "Her," I replied. but then I took it back because

there you were, lying right next to me. our bodies entangled with each other, fingers intertwined, legs wrapped around each other - it was almost as if our souls were about to become one. i lie awake, staring right next to me where you were - perfection, yes perfection, perfection is all i saw then your tired eyes gently shut, eyelashes that looked like a butterfly's fragile wing, the bridge of your nose constructed wide but perfect, your cheeks that were tinted pink, i wanted to run my fingers through all the edges of your faces, just to make sure that you were real and this is not another one of those daydreams i've been having for so long now, that this is really happening, that you, my dreams, yes, you are my dreams, that this is reality. "what did i do to get myself so lucky?" i wondered. there you were, such a work of art, accompanied by the lovely sounds that consisted of the rise and sighs of your breath, sounds that made me feel protective of you, my love, existed. before this, i was in love with the idea of you. the thought of you that kept running through my mind whether i was alone or not, i was so in love and infatuated by you, just by you existing in my mind. it was hard to believe that something as simple as you being around me can make me so happy. i had no control over how you were multiplying the butterflies that were now flying viciously inside of me, how you make my veins pump faster, how you make my heart play skip beats whenever you're around. home was now your arms, and I was yours, but the best part was that you were mine, now and what feels like forever. there you were, lying right next to me, gently inhaling and exhaling. i can't help but plant a kiss on your neck gently nibble on it and under my breath say, "oh god, i'm so in love with you."

Dictionaries are wonderful
Until you’re flipping through them,
Unable to find a word
That describes what you feel for her
This isn’t a love poem,
This isn’t an I-need-you poem
This is the cracks in your heels
From miles you’ve run,
Looking looking looking
For the dichotomy between terror and affection.

You keep thinking about hearts and chests
And mountains tripping on their own tears.
There are fences between imagination
And truth bottled lies.
You are a locution unidentified,
Cumulonimbus clouds with an electric stutter
Maybe there are drums in your bones
And she refuses to acknowledge them.

You keep bumping your head on the stratosphere
And breathing in ice,
But god, you can see so much.
She is concerned and calls you down
Says you flirt too much with danger.
You are unfaithful to her rooted feet,
That reaching so high means
You are likely to drift away.

You have novels and italics,
Strike-through lines of things you keep meaning to say,
Things you were hoping he would hear,
You are a storming cadence
And she keeps asking you to quiet.
You are a motif of wild things
Of dark corners
And edges jagged and strong.
Why can’t she see that up here in this atmosphere,
Is where you’ll always belong?

If I were to fall in love              
It could only be with you              
                
my heart longs to be lost              
in your beautiful eyes              
that seem to rival the bluest of skies              
                
hesitant to let you know how I really feel              
...the love I have for you              
and how those feelings feel so real                
        
worried about your reaction and              
what you would say      
or what you would do        
        
                
for these feelings I have, started                
with simple affection...              
with passing days they grew              
                
now I feel the beauty in life              
with goose-bumps and butterflies              
at the mere thought of you              
                
I was floored by our connection                
a feeling that I just couldn't ignore              
                
Am I a fool?              
                
for feeling this way from something so new?              
                
though taken by surprise              
and blown off my feet              
this is the secret I keep              
                
I lay on the ground                
and I stare into space              
                
Thinking of you with              
the biggest smile on my face

This can’t be healthy how I keep blaming everyone,
for the problems I set in motion
It was my own fault
and I couldn’t see the storm coming
but instead of facing it like a man,
I ran like a coward, came back to redeem myself
and as you can see I lost
  
With every scream and stand for pride
I lost who I was on the inside
So I don’t want to die
but one day I just might
and just know before that day I will make things right
  
It’s all trapped in my head
Who I used to be
It nags just like an echo
What I wouldn’t give to make it stop
and create the beautiful picture I long for
  
I don’t have much of a soul anymore
So insensitive when friends try to tell me stories
I act like I’m so much better,
like what I have to say is all that matters
I don’t care about anyone but myself and at times I can’t even look in the mirror...
When my love turns to hate it’s hard to face the day
  
Fire consumes me, hell bound
but I must fight this
Born to lead and I have people who look up to me
I’m just so tired of being sorry and tired of being sick
I want to fight for those that need me
I want to start keeping my promises

Loving you is like drowning
And you're the air above the sea
I can't reach you, can't get to you
All because I was never taught how to swim
All my lungs want is a breath of you
But I'm only getting short gasps
Because that's all you let me have
And those gasps only last so long
Before I need more air
I need more of you
But the ocean is pulling me in
And you're not trying to pull me back
One day I'll give up on you
Let the salt water fill my lungs
But I don't want to do that because
Then my eyes will lose their light
And my skin will grow cold
Until I'm not living, just floating
Deprived of you, the air
Lifeless forever and ever
So I will keep pushing
To get those little gasps
Just to get a few more seconds of life
Because it's worth it for you to fill my lungs
Fill my blood fill my mind
Give me hope give me life
Even if I know the water will win eventually
I will keep fighting against this darkness
Even if you will never try to save me
And one day I'll finally get pulled under
Drowning will be a relief of exhaustion
And drowning will be my sweet death

I don't need to fall at your feet,
I don't need to to meet your every standard.
I've got my own,
I know what I want,
I've shown that and I've own that;
I got my own.
I won't miss your kiss all the time.
I'll be fine,
I love you, but you got to know that I sometimes need me, myself, and I.
Why do you let your big ego get in the way?,
One of these days if you keep it up I won't stay.
Because I got my own.
I'm just fine alone so don't worry about me,
If you can see that then we can be just fine.
I got my own my mind and I want to make my own descions when it has to do with my life.
So don't you dare try to run my life for me.
I got my own,
I got my own,
I got my own,
I got my own.

We always write about 3 or 4 AM because it's so **** "poetic"
But I'd rather write about 6 AM
the truth sounds a lot more appealing
When the sun is peeking through the blinds of my room
The room just a little too small for all of my thoughts
And worries
And fears
My silhouette, stark--the sun kisses my skin
Gently reminding me that I have been given another day
A second chance
The heartbreak from last night doesn't sting so bad
And my loneliness is expelled as the room is filled with the echo of the birds chirping outside
See at 6 AM
my thoughts are the most clear and the weight of the world doesn't seem as heavy on my shoulders and my fears don't seem so scary
I want 6 AM because I'm so tired of screaming into my pillow at 3 AM and crying my eyes out by 4 AM begging to be saved from myself
I love 6 AM
With a coffee and
A walk in a city that is still unfamiliar
As the crisp, cold air fills my lungs and I no longer feel so empty
The streets are filled with people in their most honest state
6 AM where my mistakes don't seem to measure to the greatness bestowed upon me
And the quiet makes me feel at peace
I want 6 AM where I don't feel trapped in this monotonous world and my soul finally feels...free

Some days I feel so far away
Because no one hears silent screams
So detached from my mind
I’ll accept with time
There is no place for me
Because I feel so real yet so fake
No one finds the time to think
About my feelings about my past
But then again that’s how I am
  
One day I’ll be so all alone
And I’ll be secluded in my 2D world
No one to help me or save me
Just an empty space to call my own
  
I am fake when I’m sad
And I am real when I’m mad
Because the things that make me also break me
Something that I don’t understand
When I’m in love I’m happy yet…
Everything depresses me
I met a girl today
But they will never get close to me
Because sometimes everything seems lost to me
  
One day I’ll be so all alone
And I’ll be secluded in my 2D world
No one to help me or save me
Just an empty space to call my own
  
Maybe I should find a way out
And face the facts
I’m better off dea-
Or at least away from people  
I just can’t say the words

Shouldn't be liking you

I'm afraid of your smile, I'm afraid of that look in your eye when you speak to me, I'm even afraid of that look on your face when you walk past me and pretend as if I'm not there, I'm afraid to say it out loud that I'm starting to like you, because I shouldn't...

Your hand shakes turned to hugs and as I held your body close to mine breathing in that beautiful intoxicating aroma impairing my logic, daring my lips to press against yours

When you kissed me when you shouldn't have, the way your heart raced, the way your tongue tastes, mischief and mayhem but it was all we wanted at the time and the outside world had no meaning for us

When you invited me over to visit and the minutes grew to hours and as the hours past the midnight stroke tolling in a new day the seduction deepened

You might as well be named forbidden fruit, and as I gaze at you upon that limb my appetite for desire continues to grow

When all the ethical foundation and moralities cry out warning me that this wrong I still can't help wanting you

You who keeps me up at night with littles fantasies dancing in my head, got me tossing in my bed trying to rush the night into sun rise just for my eyes to be blessed by the sight of you

As I let myself wallow in the thrill of your presence I can't help but think that she's at home waiting for me

She ...who has my heart my loyalty my love

But you have my curiosity my attention and you excite my sensual interests

I am ashamed that this kind of happiness is from such an unlikely source and now that I like you what am i to do, I know I shouldn't but I only want you to like me as much as I like you, could I be asking for too much...