Anxiety
Controlling my everyday life
Anxiety
Taking my heart and throwing it against the wall
Anxiety
Wrapping around in my head to consume my thoughts
Anxiety
Crying and screaming against my throat
Anxiety
Crashing and thrashing its way into my body making me shudder
When theres a knock at the door
Anxiety
Lighting fires to my insides
Anxiety
Making my hands shake so someone will notice im unbalanced
Anxiety

bad days don't last

but good days
don't either

i once heard a story about a man who healed people for a living.
he'd make them laugh & mend their hollow, broken souls.
he'd assist them with their problems until they started to feel whole.
but in his mending of other people, he'd break inside every day,
as he used the substance his soul was comprised of
to glue the broken souls together.
until one day, he had none.
he had become so broken & empty that he felt he couldn't go on.
he went to a spiritual advisor & told him about his depression.
the spiritual advisor said, "there is a man named The Healer down the road that can make you laugh & heal your soul so that you may feel whole. go to him."
the man started crying & said, "but... i am The Healer."
he spent his whole life healing.
... but who heals the healer?
who nurses the nurse?
who listens to the one who's always listening?
we that take care of others must face a horrible reality  —

that no one can take care of us.

Happiness is a dream
Of which I have not slept
There are only flashes of terror
When I lay down my head
My pulse begins to quicken
My heart slams in my chest
The nightmares tear me open
And rip me from my rest

First there comes the cold sweats
Followed by the screaming
I then choke on hysteria
With it’s invisible meaning
I claw from the back of my mind
Into the darkness of my room
But no one is there to numb the pain
That comes out with the moon

So even after my eyes open
The nightmares do not leave
The demons become more vivid
And they feast off of me
Sipping first at my black tar blood
For dessert, they save my soul
And with my tears I beg to them
If you take me, take me whole

Sometimes I
look into the mirror
and nothing looks

back

but a pair of
blank eyes

that

take more than a

moment

to recognize

who they are looking at.

I can still see you,
Whispering black, wisps of night even in the light.
I can still hear you,
Cascading thoughts, memories not mine but define.
I can still feel you,
Tears streaming down, mirror my face yours in place.
I can still call you,
Conversing aloud, we ride together always forever.

Mother, I say.
I'm alive one more day.
Daughter, you say.
I'm still here so just stay.

How long will you ride with me?
And why was it destiny?
These questions just burden me,
But it's my indemnity.

A blank mind harbors more than one thought
A blank mind teaches those who need taught
A blank mind battles when you've but all fought
A blank mind preaches those who think not.

Now young one, I ask you; is your mind blank?
Is your mind open to all you can thank,
like a blank piece of paper subject to think tanks,
or has your very own thought submarine sank?