Suicidal thoughts and suicidal callings
A part of me urges to pick up the phone
It keeps ringing, with sound stinging inside my head
Becomes ear-piercing when I'm alone

Frequent missed calls that I intentionally miss
Why do I keep putting even more distance
I'm so tired, exhausted from all the resistance
It seems fatigue is the only thing that's constant

I dial and then leave the phone hanging
I lack courage to go through with the call
I dial, frantically pressing all the numbers
The longer the number, the more I stall

The phone rings from the other side
But I hear my own voice instead
She says, it's going to be alright
With a click, the call ends

When I look into the small eyes of him
A piece of me sees you
An innocence that radiates
Back then I wish I knew

A mother's cry
And your first steps
I did not know why
Such a secret was kept

Or was I just blind
With eyes full of ignorance
With my childhood mind
That remained indifferent

Such a small fragile hand
Held such a familiar feeling
Paired with curious eyes
That were constantly seeking

How to perceive the world
Through an unfamiliar lens
Easily confused, not knowing
What was wrong again

Every time I look at him
It feels like a second try
To guide you from the beginning
With your small hand in mine

Overwhelmed by my thoughts again
They swarm with the intent to drown me
Enticing me to the rabbit hole
Attempting to appear just as inviting

I fall in yet again, barely grasping the edge
As I stare down into a familiar abyss
Hanging on with every vulnerability exposed
Before my inner voice begins to submit

Watching the rabbit run with time in his hands
Reminds me how fast life goes on
The alluring impulse to escape into wonderland
Summons the notion that I am not yet done

The desire to return home to the underland
Where colours and possibilities reign
Inspires me to bring wonder into the surface world
So my life would not be in vain

A day full of reminiscence again
Sifting through the thoughts of you
Diving deep into my memories
That I still have yet to lose

Frustrated with myself again
Because I have the will to choose
Whether or not I free myself
And forge something anew

I bind myself in fingerless strings
I give past moments control over me
Dictating my time, stealing fragments of life
All from daydreaming of what used to be

It's okay to visit times from before
But my stay has been long overdue
Instead of just visiting, I move in and more
Wandering farther from the actual truth

Time and time again, I still think of you
The you, who keeps leading me astray
The character I've created and was left behind
To star in the memories I put on replay

Let me feel your pain
So I can love you better
Let me wipe your tears
We'll get through it together
Let me be there for you
I will be your shelter
Let me see your flaws
The more I will treasure
Let me understand you
You are worth the effort
Let me be the pen to your paper
The love in your letter

Because You are the sun in my sky
No matter the weather
The moon in my night
With you I am greater
With all the planets aligned
You are at the center
You, who outshines
All the brightest stars I've encountered
Even in the afterlife
I will continue to remember
The phases of you and I
That I will cherish forever

I walk on the same path
I turn at the same corner
Everyday feels the same
But the leaves still fall, then return
Just like how they came
I walk along the sidewalk
An empty gap remains
Half full of presence
And half full of reminisce
As I walk down a sidewalk meant for two

I wonder if you will ever feel
The pain I felt to unlove you
Slowly pulling you away from my thoughts
Taking out the images of you from my memories

Erasing your voice from my ears
Your name off my tongue
Do you know how hard it was
To pull you out from my senses
Only for you to return in my sleep

I feel a heaviness in my heart
A clutching feeling in my stomach
It is almost over now
Just don't invade my senses again
When it was so hard to make them forget