If only you knew
How even only half of you
Could light my world and view.

My eyes swell from just thinking of that place.
I've grown in love of that place.
Its people, the subway stations, the city lights, the food, music, and everything in between.
I didn't want to leave.
It was too soon.
I needed more time.
I thought, can I just not show up at my flight?
But I did.
I did, not because I wanted to but because I had to.
And now as I walk around, I'm reminded of the wonderful moments I had in that place.
And I keep thinking, is it possible to have a separation anxiety to a place?

I dreamed of traveling alone.
Booking hotels in the middle of the night,
Emptying out the piggy bank I've used since I was 9,
Packing only 4 pairs of clothes,
And buying a one-way ticket to somewhere.

I dreamed of traveling alone.
Seeing the beauty of each city, of each town, of each country.
Trying out food I've never heard before,
Dancing in the streets with the locals,
And learning the language used in my destination.

I dreamed of traveling alone.
Now I'm in the middle of a street I can't pronounce,
In the 18th city on my diary,
watching people go on with their lives.
I find them so fascinating that I could watch them all day.

But I have to go,
Move on to my next pinned place.
My heart is filled with happiness,
my mind is enchanted with how precious everything is.

I dreamed of traveling alone.
Now I am living my dream,
And I hope this goes on.

I wrote a song about you.
A song with a melody as soothing as your hugs and lyrics as enchanting as your smile.
*But you pressed next as soon as you heard the intro.

It's going to get better.
I whisper to myself as I drown myself in caffeine.
It's going to get better
I imagine stamping it on my forehead so I won't forget.
It's going to get better
I repeat once more.
It's going to get better
Maybe if I keep saying, it would eventually come true.
It's going to get better
*I know it will.

Don't tell me* I'm a *masterpiece when you seek more galleries.
Don't tell me I'm your light when you have a pocket full of matches.
Don't tell me I'm your star when you explore galaxies.
Don't tell me I'm your song when you hum a lot of melodies.
Don't tell me to stay when you're running with another.
Don't tell me I'm yours when you're not mine at all.

She loved you.*
She loved you more than she loved herself.
She chose to spend time with you even if that meant not spending time with her friends and family.
Even when she had deadlines to catch, she would still find time to talk to you.
She was willing to give everything just to please you.
She did everything she could because she thought you loved her as much as she loved you.

But when the world was harsh and cruel, she was left alone.
You left when she needed you the most.
You used her flaws against her.
You looked beyond her to suffice the wants you said you needed.
Suddenly everything was her fault, at least that's what you told her.
And somehow even when she tried so hard not to lose you, she wasn't enough for you.

When you left, she fell apart.
She couldn't do anything but cry herself to sleep.
Yet she couldn't sleep because sleeping meant dreaming of you.
Knots twisted in her stomach with every memory of you that she couldn't eat well.
And when she wasn't thinking of you, she was thinking of her insecurities and how she wasn't good enough.

Months passed and she's beginning to be herself again.
She found happiness in her family and friends.
It was her life and that no one should make her feel miserable like that.
For once in a very long time, she felt alive again.
She realized that you came into her life to serve as a lesson.

Yes, she loved you.*
But now, she's choosing to love her life and the beauty it holds.