When do you find the urge to write?
Often I am asked
after someone has given a poem or two a pass.
When I need to I reply,
which isn't far from the truth and isn't a lie.

So why now?  
Why continue utterances to crowds of one hundred and ninety six
and feel ashamed when my heart speaks before my filter hits.
I guess it goes back to my urge to write
To let it all out.
I can't bare these feelings alone so I put them out to scouts.
Hoping that someone can see
That I am not the representation of insanity
That I know you want me all to be.

I am afraid.
Like a child in many ways.
I don't enjoy not knowing what's ahead
Which is why I have found myself closer to dead.

I reach too far and I assume
Rain sleet or shine,
Doesn't matter
I won't see flowers bloom.
And this is the persistent gloom.
That weighs on a soul like a scary cartoon.

I had a lot I could have turned out all right.
****, look at my past: one thing I know is fight.
But every battle takes its toll
And exponentially it seems i'm missing the bowl.

Ironically now I am level headed
Clean shaven
Warm
But by no means in heaven.

Perhaps for people like me
Who won't accept mediocrity
There are but few retreats
And hello poetry is a good one for me.

So I start my drive
There our tickets to the wind
Like a bee hive
Now it’s your turn
Sting yourself in the eye
Oh **** doesn’t matter you’re  still blind


I never asked for sympathy
But empathy would be kind
No you retreat like bear in the winter cold
It’s clear we aren’t together growing old

Does it make you somewhat sad?
this all started with lie that your intent wasn’t bad


Now look what happens now
Alone you left me here you broke a home
Don’t try to tell me this is all my fault
I was the one always trying to call
I sent you cards and gifts
Like a fat ******* who just needed to consume
If your requests indiciate my worth
Then I’ve been a worthless ******* since birth

But I don’t abide by this dismal overview.
No I am worth more to me than I am to you
So what I’m saying is you’ll look back at today
And maybe you’ll regret the things you felt you had to say.

Bye
And enjoy the day

Here’s what you don’t recognize.
I cared too much I was blind
By someone who wouldn’t take the time
To trufully tell me things weren’t fine.

So here is where I get my turn
To tell the story you haven’t heard
You spit verifiable lies
While I send you **** cause you’re dead inside

So it comes as no surprise
That the selfish illusion of pride
Was something at least at the time
A wall from behind which you can hide

But like I can see through this wall
I can reach the other side.

I can only listen to ******* so many times.

I can’t save your *** this time

And you think everything is fine.

Well, truthfully like a newborn you’re blind
And when you finally do open those eyes
I’ll be gone I’m leaving you behind.

Manipulation is a state of mind
Sure I’ve had my run for a time
But I moved on to a better life
One that is honest caring and kind.

But it’s not easy
Finding the like mind
No you have to learn
That when I think of you
I think of a giant lie


So enjoy your new life.
I’d like nothing more than to witness it blind
Oh and tell the ones you like to run to
I don’t give a flying **** about your kind

In fact soon you’ll realize how little you actually tried
And you’ll be left with a shell of a life
See you tell me this

I can only take so much of this
You brought this on yourself
8 years sums up to a streak of sordid lies

And knowing what I said to the mask you work
You chose to act not like a friend
You acted like a *****

So for you posers wannabe swine
Check yourself and get back in line

You’re sheep to your egotistical minds
And that’s good and fine
You just won’t ever be able to reach your finish line.

So this is goodbye
I hope you dream of your lies
I hope perspective brings you pain
The same type as mine
Inflicted by another
Who tricked you into a love line.