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Dec 2019 · 176
Shields
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2019
We’re all a little lost until we lose ourselves
And we’re a little nervous.
Until we have something to be nervous about.

And we’re all a little numb.
Too afraid to feel.
And we’re all a little nervous.
Until we have something to be nervous about.

Up goes the shield.
And on spins the wheel
And spins goes the wheel.

This is something we have to feel
So up goes my shield
https://soundcloud.com/hackcd/shields
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2019
this storm is breaking
it tears down these walls.
for the first time
i'm not alone for the the fall.

this is desire.
it's in us all.
so speak out your fire.
go make all your calls.

i will be standing.
I will not fall.
I am no liar.
I am just flawed.
Now I can face the truth:
this was your fault.
I am not blaming you.
I'm moving on.

I just took a moment to write you this song.
to my mother.
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2019
this it cannot be explained.
i cannot wish it away.
every return yields the same.
I want to stay, but I drift further away.
where I go I can't say.
I wonder when I will finally get to that last day.

life wasn't meant to be fighting pain.
Dec 2019 · 567
baseless
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2019
what a shame.
to issue baseless blame
while the purpose is practical,
the practice is lame.

even slowed down in pace:
even with such flagrant displays of grace...
do ends that justify means wipe the wrong from this place?
I'd rather watch them dig their own graves, but to what end does this serve the broader space?

**** it.
**** it, no, seriously.
How many years go by and the feeling remains empty?
Fill it please, by all ******* means.
To the one who can, gets to see the real me.
meh again
Nov 2019 · 104
break me, please.
Cameron Banowsky Nov 2019
**** it.
i've said it before.
when the volume rises and I see the door.
what the **** are you fighting for?
to maintain a false understanding that you know much more?
break me, please
god forbid you say anymore.
**** it
Oct 2019 · 142
Worth
Cameron Banowsky Oct 2019
You are what you were
Your thoughts are absurd
You place your faith in other words
You have no worth

You walk through this life
Fairytales are your lies.
You place your faith in other words
You have no worth

The light in your eyes
That fear grows in size
Faith is your surprise
The irony is quite wise

Go drink those tears that you cry.
Go walk with the other blind
Go walk with your kind
This won’t be new
You do it all the time


So stay quiet
I am recursively finding past writings.  This one was originally a song from two years ago

https://soundcloud.com/hackcd/evening-thoughts-take-1
Aug 2019 · 173
Should I have?
Cameron Banowsky Aug 2019
Should have I finished school?
That'd be cool.
Bringing me back to feeling like a fool.
Standards are discarded when you show them you don't need those rules.

Stand up.
Be free.
Life is once.
You can't believe
That what you think you see
Is nothing more
Than the pain beneath.

I just wish I could breathe
At least I could find the peace to finally sleep.
Jan 2019 · 2.3k
Troubles
Cameron Banowsky Jan 2019
PleAse don’t pretend
Lie to a child that somehow we are friends
Even if I try to extend
Your moving back into the future
And we won’t ever be kin

If that’s a game you’d like to play
Take your misery I’m not afraid to walk away
I didn’t make the simple mans mistake
I saw a virtue in the struggle of the wait

So when I don’t care to even glance in your eyes
Don’t act as if it’s some ill willed surprise
You had a chance just as I
And just as in that sense we are alike
I too can choose to exile your kind.

So this is me saying with clarity
You’ve exhausted all of my charity.
Done forcing myself to be “nice”. The truth is ultimatelykinder.
May 2018 · 428
This one is 4 Audrey
Cameron Banowsky May 2018
Went out to pay tribute,
headed out west.
Seems Santa Monica is filled with LA's best.

Where have we come?
Where ego survives before your own son?
You keep buying that **** your fed since birth
Ignorance is the summation of your net worth

No.
I don't abide.
I've seen it happen.
I just watched it with my own two eyes.
Sadly, I'm not surprised.
Dressed up kids **** good vibes
Pretext: ****** art gallery manager attempted to scold / embarrass her assistant Audrey who had been nothing assistant who had been nothing but kind to me as I worked out a time I would be on the west side to play a guitar / work of art masterpiece from a local artist named Shanna.  This dumb **** manager had some stick up her *** and made herself look like the child she clearly is.  This one is for Audrey.
May 2018 · 327
origin
Cameron Banowsky May 2018
it's a loaded term.
branded and historically stern.
While the shadow still remains
after the setting sun --
your pain will remain.

This is the ORIGIN of shame.

Have you not learned?
how They play game?
paint us out to be insane.

I wasn't given a choice.
I was given a name.



-- that i haven't changed.
Origin
Apr 2018 · 395
Do Something, Or Die
Cameron Banowsky Apr 2018
If you find yourself in constant dismay
About your life, the world at large or simply **** today
You have two paths to walk and one ends colorless and grey
You sat and did nothing,  but had plenty to say.

What is that contribution that you speak?
Being in tune with the news and the daily beat?
Have you tuned out so that you could actually hear?
The connection is deafening and you walk away filled with fear.

So make you choice now or accept your fate
Right now is the only thing that is certain and safe.
But if you prefer to project life beyond the now
There will be a time when you will realize the answer to the question:
How?

There are those who speak and inspire
That's good and fine
But can you call the actions of others your own
Or can I call them mine?
No.
You need to make something from nothing
You need to blow your mind
Or else you're wasting air
And you're wasting you're own time.
Part of Poem a Day.  This one is just on HePo.
Apr 2018 · 296
Paint Over Me
Cameron Banowsky Apr 2018
Quit acting out
Stop running your mouth
This isn't the place
You don't have the crowd

So what to do now?
Deaf ears are, by nature, not tuned to hear.
Skip the line and do what you stepped out to find

Paint over me
Replace the image with something nice
Like a bowl of fruit or a cup of rice.
But make sure to fully apply
You can cover me up
But my voice doesn't die

Spread my name and sprinkle in lies.
Make me look like this bad guy.
It's all good now, and I honestly have given up on how.
So erase those memories.  
The ones you share with the one smashing these keys.
You gotta get out the paint,
roll up your jeans and start to paint over me

But like with any period of time
There is always some type of find
Discovery comes when you allow yourself to be kind

Paint over me
I don't wish to be
Another follower turned casuality
I'll walk away for free
Just make sure that when I leave
You paint over me
When the urge to reach out hits
Remember that wounds heal bit by bit
And if you could just please
Let me be
Paint over me
Apr 2018 · 294
Step The Fuck Off
Cameron Banowsky Apr 2018
You want to believe
That you own this part of me.
Well I'd like to see
What makes think you own anything?

I got an ace up my sleeve.
It's gonna make you bleed.
Trust the words I speak.
You don't want to **** with me.

I just want simple things.
Money, and *** aren't too interesting.
Just let me be free.
Just stop ******* with me.

Remember now
I got an ace up my sleeve.
Remember now
It will make you bleed
Remember now
I don't concede
So tread lightly.

So step the *******
You've done enough
You're a *****
And you're playing rough.
But you aren't too tough.

Step the *******
Don't push again
Unless it's the end.
a draft from awhile back
Apr 2018 · 416
Ironically, now
Cameron Banowsky Apr 2018
When do you find the urge to write?
Often I am asked
after someone has given a poem or two a pass.
When I need to I reply,
which isn't far from the truth and isn't a lie.

So why now?  
Why continue utterances to crowds of one hundred and ninety six
and feel ashamed when my heart speaks before my filter hits.
I guess it goes back to my urge to write
To let it all out.
I can't bare these feelings alone so I put them out to scouts.
Hoping that someone can see
That I am not the representation of insanity
That I know you want me all to be.

I am afraid.
Like a child in many ways.
I don't enjoy not knowing what's ahead
Which is why I have found myself closer to dead.

I reach too far and I assume
Rain sleet or shine,
Doesn't matter
I won't see flowers bloom.
And this is the persistent gloom.
That weighs on a soul like a scary cartoon.

I had a lot I could have turned out all right.
****, look at my past: one thing I know is fight.
But every battle takes its toll
And exponentially it seems i'm missing the bowl.

Ironically now I am level headed
Clean shaven
Warm
But by no means in heaven.

Perhaps for people like me
Who won't accept mediocrity
There are but few retreats
And hello poetry is a good one for me.
Hello Poetry homage
Apr 2018 · 310
Here’s What Happens Now
Cameron Banowsky Apr 2018
So I start my drive
There our tickets to the wind
Like a bee hive
Now it’s your turn
Sting yourself in the eye
Oh **** doesn’t matter you’re  still blind


I never asked for sympathy
But empathy would be kind
No you retreat like bear in the winter cold
It’s clear we aren’t together growing old

Does it make you somewhat sad?
this all started with lie that your intent wasn’t bad


Now look what happens now
Alone you left me here you broke a home
Don’t try to tell me this is all my fault
I was the one always trying to call
I sent you cards and gifts
Like a fat ******* who just needed to consume
If your requests indiciate my worth
Then I’ve been a worthless ******* since birth

But I don’t abide by this dismal overview.
No I am worth more to me than I am to you
So what I’m saying is you’ll look back at today
And maybe you’ll regret the things you felt you had to say.

Bye
And enjoy the day
In an Uber (new hash uberpoem)
Mar 2018 · 407
All About You
Cameron Banowsky Mar 2018
Here’s what you don’t recognize.
I cared too much I was blind
By someone who wouldn’t take the time
To trufully tell me things weren’t fine.

So here is where I get my turn
To tell the story you haven’t heard
You spit verifiable lies
While I send you **** cause you’re dead inside

So it comes as no surprise
That the selfish illusion of pride
Was something at least at the time
A wall from behind which you can hide

But like I can see through this wall
I can reach the other side.

I can only listen to ******* so many times.

I can’t save your *** this time

And you think everything is fine.

Well, truthfully like a newborn you’re blind
And when you finally do open those eyes
I’ll be gone I’m leaving you behind.

Manipulation is a state of mind
Sure I’ve had my run for a time
But I moved on to a better life
One that is honest caring and kind.

But it’s not easy
Finding the like mind
No you have to learn
That when I think of you
I think of a giant lie


So enjoy your new life.
I’d like nothing more than to witness it blind
Oh and tell the ones you like to run to
I don’t give a flying **** about your kind

In fact soon you’ll realize how little you actually tried
And you’ll be left with a shell of a life
See you tell me this

I can only take so much of this
You brought this on yourself
8 years sums up to a streak of sordid lies

And knowing what I said to the mask you work
You chose to act not like a friend
You acted like a *****

So for you posers wannabe swine
Check yourself and get back in line

You’re sheep to your egotistical minds
And that’s good and fine
You just won’t ever be able to reach your finish line.

So this is goodbye
I hope you dream of your lies
I hope perspective brings you pain
The same type as mine
Inflicted by another
Who tricked you into a love line.
Mar 2018 · 503
Act Don't Speak
Cameron Banowsky Mar 2018
You’ve got more than meets the eyes
You’ve been praying your whole life

And you’ve been saying what socialized
you’ve got no belief and you don’t realize

And how can you wonder why?
Life’s moving faster than our time.
One day you are gonna die.
What will you have left behind?

Don’t say you’re sorry, don’t apologize.
It’s truly not my life to fully recognize.
But take those covers of your heart’s eyes
But when you do, don’t act so surprised

Now you’re not allowed to wonder why
I am just showing the truth where it lies
If it is painful that’s something worth the mind
Just remember not everyone is kind.

Remember not every one is kind
Remember many are still very blind
Remember again not everyone’s kind
Now think of those still in disguise
Dec 2017 · 339
Fuck You, Mr. Ajit Pai
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2017
The White House
Washington
February 26, 2015

Today's FCC decision will protect innovation and create a level playing field for the next generation of entrepreneurs–and it wouldn't have happened without Americans like you.

More than 4 million people wrote in to the FCC, overwhelmingly in support of a free and fair internet. Countless others spoke out on social media, petitioned their government, and stood up for what they believe.

I ran for office because I believed that nothing can stand in the way of millions of voices calling for change. That's the backbone of our democracy–and you've proven that this timeless principle is alive and well in our digital age.

So to all the people who participated in this conversation, I have a simple message:

I am a strong supporter of net neutrality … What you’ve been seeing is some lobbying that says that the servers and the various portals through which you’re getting information over the Internet should be able to be gatekeepers and to charge different rates to different Web sites … And that I think destroys one of the best things about the Internet—which is that there is this incredible equality there.

Thank you,
Barack Obama
Im not Barack Obama.
Oct 2017 · 421
Let It Pass
Cameron Banowsky Oct 2017
Ive run circles around,
The of right and wrong and where one should belong.
So listen closely,  truth comes in all forms
Even remotely.

You don't scare me.
You threats are empty.
Just like the promises you sell,
It's just not friendly.

So *******.

Power comes when you see
That when you draw fist blood
It's not me who bleeds.

I am certain that you will start to feel
That living life as you do
Slows, not stops, the truth
And truth is real.

So eat the **** that you have been wanting us to eat,
Then I'll be satisfied in knowing
This meal was something forced through your teeth.

Payback isn't always what you may have believed.
This is all you, and unfortunately you'll see.

You aren't even worth the time
Nor does your name deserve a shoutout
In this ticked off rhyme.
I don't need anybody else to fine.

Run along now, go **** with someone else's life.

So I guess I'll let it pass.
But don't think I pity your sorry ***.
Don't think I am grateful for ****.
At the end of the day, your nothing but my *****.
Oct 2017 · 435
Call me crazy?
Cameron Banowsky Oct 2017
So here's why I am crazy.
I practice equality.
I actively act to ensure that right wins over wrong.
To top this all off, the disengaged will use this to sing
At the top of their lungs
That I am crazy -- it will be their song.

Now is it crazy to preach?
Or for you Jesus, Muhammed or Yahweh devotees:
You chant for peace and love,
But when it's your turn to apply
You conveniently turn your infamous blind eye?
God forbid you open those eyes.
And see the truth in the world you've ignored your whole life.

By all means, please.
Label me.
Radical.
What?
What will you label those who practice what they preach,
Rather than those who drift in ignorance, judgment and disbelief?

Well I know what I call these
Who sit and think the same as I.
But wake up in the morning to start their daily dream.
It's called hypocrisy.

Go ahead turn down your lights.
Now shut your blinds
You are just participants in the guilty's crimes.

And **** no I won't apologize.
For valuing other life
And **** your compromise.

Here's how this all rolls
You play the game
Act nice and just let it go.

And while the people of misfortune become further disenfranchised,
You can take pride in knowing that
Your ignorance is the safest place for you to hide.

So yeah I'm ******* crazy.
Nah, doesn't jive
Aug 2017 · 261
Nothing is Gonna Change
Cameron Banowsky Aug 2017
Flailing your arms in the air
Lord I've seen too much of this life.
Well **** it.
I don't care.
Neon lights are shining so bright
In my face
I can't
See
Where I am going anymore

Take Me Out
Take Me Out

Busses and trains.
Driving people in circles,
where they'll remain.

Nothing is gonna change.
Give up.
Do what you want.
Stop playing your ****** up game.

Just relax.
But hold on tight,
it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Take me down.
Take me down.

Take me out
of my body
my mind  
of my soul.

Take me out
because I see what we're headed for
Oh yeah.

I know what we're headed for.
I know what we're headed for.
I know what we're headed for.
I know what we're headed for.
An old one I remembered
Cameron Banowsky Jul 2017
Let me just be honest with you,
writing this down and thinking it through

****, I **** up
No I didn't **** up
****, I **** up

There my be rhyme or some reason
but the ones you loved should be banned from treason
and yet here i am breathing
while she holds her breath praying I'm seeing

I don't see all that well.
Writing a poem, reading a book, this is my hell.
From experience I most certainly well
This either ends great or he or she's going to break.
The optics of illusion need to be focused.
Not bred in us for lazy purpose.

****, this is my mistake.
She doesn't even ask for something simple as a birth cake.
And this is the girl I'm throwing away?
What has she done to deserve this fate?
Who am I to behave this way?

I know that I must pay for my mistakes.
But know that at my core, my heart beat harder when beat yours
I can't stop what is coming. The table's are turned and the question of me is finally asked:

Now, what are you going to do?

I am not sure if comprehension can be achieved in this reading.  But this is how I have been feeling.
I don't know what the **** all of it was completely.  It is a completely different style lending more towards a story telling nature that I haven't played with, and since I am currently ******* it makes it meaningful to get it out meaningfully.
Mar 2017 · 1.1k
Worth
Cameron Banowsky Mar 2017
You are what you were
Your thoughts are absurd
You place, your faith, in others words
Have no worth

You walk through life
Fairy tales  are your lies
You place, your faith in others words
Has no worth

That light in your eyes
The fears grow in size
Faith is the surprise
The irony is wise

Drink those tears you cry
Go walk with the blind
Go walk with your kind
This won't  be new--you do it all the time

So stay quiet
Dec 2016 · 366
Out of Line
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2016
When the walls come down
the air is filled with sound.
Above the water not to drown

When the empire sizes your being
just lay down
become anything.

But wait.
To hell with that.
I want my power back

She sits alone at night.
She waits in line to silently die.
She sits alone at night
Praying that her death will bring a better life
Who knows?
It might.
Dec 2016 · 722
Oh HaHa
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2016
I just want to feel
depressed today
just let the feeling
of life
dissipate

I just want to feel numb today
don't want to cry
no
crying feels great

judge me
say you know my struggle
well *******
and your plastic bubble

oh haha
time well spent
I will see hell before I am sent
oh haha
time well spent
I will eat god before
i repent

preachers and priests
will burn in hell
because there they'll find
they have nothing left to sell
preachers and priest go burn in hell
at least there you have no one left to sell

well

oh haha
time well spent
feeding your fear to the ignorant
oh haha
time well spent
I'll see you in hell, when you are sent
Made an adjustment to fit better with music.  I believe the modification makes the song more relevant to the way I feel now than the way I had felt at the time of its inception.
Dec 2016 · 644
Devil
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2016
Hello devil my old friend
I think it's time we talked again
You an I
We've had our times
Had our lows
Had our highs

Even though
I can't see god
I have to believe in something
This world is too odd
Angels
Cry
They fill the clouds but
when the devil speaks
he speaks
so loud

Hello demons welcome back
I've been all alone
Been feeling sad
When we're together
I kind of feel good
Doing things only demons should

So hello Devil my old friend
This time I think we don't speak again
Even though we've had our times
We've had our lows we've had our highs

I don't say to believe in god
But there's something here
this world is too odd
And as I cry my tears fill clouds
Here's the devil's call
It rings  so loud
Dec 2016 · 775
Scream
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2016
In my thoughts  I scream
don't look at me
no
don't look at me
no
don't look at me the outside -- serene

In my head I dread
Inside my head I dread
Please don't look at me
don't look at me
you're looking at the living dead.

Where do we go when no one knows
where we are?

In my thoughts I scream.
Don't look at me.
Dec 2016 · 755
Bury My Head
Cameron Banowsky Dec 2016
Bury My Head

Drive away from this place
nothing left here but empty space.
Bury my head hide my face
I bury my head hide my face

Looks like empty wins  this race.
Empty takes the day.

The heart we shared won't beat the same.
There's nothing left here
except for this change.
Bury my head hide my shame.
I have to bury my head, hide my shame

Time wins this  race.
Time takes the day.

Now this anger it
eats me away.
How do I stop what I can't change?
Now this anger
it eats me away.
How do I stop what I can't name.

I think I'll bury my head -- hide my face
I think I'll bury my head hide my disgrace.

— The End —