This morning
I awoke from a tangle of dreams
from wild feelings
in the jungle of my heart
The morning sun
sliced through
the slumber
like machetes
just in time
to bring me to
a clearing
to my reality.

(c) 2014

Slaves love the weight,
what’s a feather without a date
to write it with?

I love the bones,
I hate the flesh,
I run for death.

He speaks the longest miles,
all of his verbs smile.
I carry the heaviest laugh &
we watch it blow down all the leaves.
His trees -Are nowhere near
the roots I hold.
He sees gold & I’m an old soul.
I sit and scrape this bowl,
everything I need
I refuse to feed.

He’s not mine.
All my time’s erupted to the sky
and his eyes light my world
with lies
watching birds fall
not fly,
Singing their song of sighs.

I saw her,
she was there among the leaves and flowers.
I walked towards her,
she was reading slowly...
she saw me,
but kept on with her book.

Would you mind if I sit here?
Of course not, be my guest...
Could you tell me what you do? And how old are you?
                       And spring played all around her...

Would you mind if in an instant,
I fell in love with you
and your air of serenity?
Could you tell me if you come here often?
Would you mind?

I'd follow you to your door if you'd show me the way?
Or at least if you're coming tomorrow...

We were there like those who've been there for ages,
she spoke, I spoke
                                 and evening fell...

She showed me her ideas on beauty,
I listened, she listened... and it got dark.

Could you tell me your name?
I'm Chiara, what's yours?
                               And spring played all around us...

Would you mind if in an instant I fell in love with you
and your air of serenity?
But tell me do you come here often?
We were there she spoke, I spoke...

Is it OK? I'd follow you to your door if you show me the way?
Or at least if you're coming tomorrow?
If you're coming tomorrow?
But tell me if you're coming tomorrow?
If you're coming tomorrow...

Good morning,
what'd you wake to?
What kind of eyes you lookin' through?
Tell me,
was it ever me you wanted?
'*** every dream I have
I'm haunted...
Oh, babe
I feel this kinda way now...
the way the sun rays warm us all
like anticipation for the  
rain to fall...
I gotta' know,
are you in this for the
long haul?
I know I shouldn't be...
Honestly, I'm not looking
for an answer
they'll warn you,"You can't change her,"
so in my mind
I walk to you
with
leaves under my feet
& in my mind we meet.
& I poke fun
& say, "Where've you been?
You down for sinning?"
I'm just kidding."
I just desire simple living,
picking flowers,
extending hours
in your presence
an
earthly heaven.
Laughing in a 7/11
to buy a smoke
& then we choke
from laughing.
Oh, babe
I'm already ******* trapped in

It's fine, yea it's fine
I sit 'round a fire, wine & lips
eating pears,
he loves my hips
And then he grips
Yea, babe,
here I go again
I've slipped
he hands me a clip
I burn...
& there I go,
it's all gone
numb.
I blow him
like some bubble gum.
with you
sitting there in a
corner of my mind
tucked away he'll never find.

Still wonderin',
what do you think at night?
Who is it that you write?
I know it's not my right
to know
but you,
you always linger
& I'm worse
a curved
index finger.

left you at the revolving door
& there I go
I tell my legs
to ***
I tell my eyes not to
look behind
but I'm always
seeing you through the glass
regardless
just a wing span
away
I close my eyes
& see you
in a revolving door
so
every time I look in the mirror
I ask myself, "should I buy
the plane ticket?"
I know this should be my
own personal revolution
to change
to forget
but,
I find you
everywhere
& I keep
revolving round you
begging for some sort of
warmth from you
that you shouldn't give
like you're the sun
in a galaxy
I'm encircling
in error.

Lips locked around the world
I speak and I'm never
Sad with you
If I stare at you, you'll see the lights
Inside my head
flicker off & on
Like a sunrise & sunset sped up
For there's no fluorescent falsity in
The way I look at you
A million flowers bloom
And sentences pull the trigger on
The way this happiness hits me & bang
I'm sweetly wounded
Plugged up with a million shots
I took
to lay here in your arms
& I wouldn't trade this place for
Any other certainty.

You're not here,
so morning birds can't sing..
they scrape &
pierce the peace
like knife & fork
on a plate of desire.

old love like the lone porch light
on the dead end street
you've always known,
which flickers off & on
like blinking eyes.
She was always waiting...

If you had only let us be,
just you & me...
This love...
We'd grow,
you know.

But God has plans
for seeds of love
unused.
Look at all the wildflowers
on this earth.
All the gardens
are born from
soulmate passion
& so "wasted" love
is fashioned
into lisianthus & persian roses...
& as they bloom..
under our noses...
My heart closes
for you my dear...
your naked ****
you never chose
God only knows
if we'll find happiness,
God only knows
God only knows.

Never thought floating would feel so cruel,
I guess it's free falling in the best way
maybe if I look at it from another angle,
a bird's view,
I'll see I'm flying,
I guess this is really all it is,
life is just
perspective.

"What if it was all a little lie?
What if all my sins never met a God?
Would you be prepared?
Would you be surprised?
Only then would you realize."

My eyes to Slava my seamstress say,

"I'm begging you,
sew me a new skin
here
in your living room
to hold me together now
because I can't seem to anymore...

Dear Slava,
I know you know,
how the thoughts inside me
are crazed,
you've known my childhood days &
it's not me here.
Who's this dead thing in the living room?

I feel the bones inside me,
they're too loose.
You see me falling apart,
these eyes of mine the noose.
Catch me dear friend,
from myself!
I'm begging you,
change this stitch in time
for me?

I'm a little mean,
better late than never
when arriving at yourself.
Spin me round,
watch me twirl my hair,
we can rendezvous
until we've torn our hearts out...
You push me away with every inch I give,
the hole inside me grows deeper,
and I'm learning to pull myself out.

Through it all,
the beauty of feeling,
it's all real,
all of it.

Come here, gather round me,
tell me your stories,
I won't leave you...
I'm inside out
I won't fight it off.
I'll go through.

layer upon layer
I dug myself
a deeper
place to rest....
what's on the other side?
what's greener there?
can I make it through  
with
internal doubt
& rage which
push into me
spiraling
& dancing
into a red lit lounge
with your maggot brain
& passing rocks
between our tongues?
you saw my skin
& porcelain fate
all in my sentence
& then you smashed my
youth to smithereens
on the corner of your bed frame
while I learned
to fly into the night
on the
wings of moths ...
early November enveloping me
in gentle decay
& landing on your
doorway
hands clasped together
prayers & stutters
and cucumber *****
& leaving all sanity
at your front door
holding in my pocket
a shard of yesterday
just to get me through
to make me remember
that this is all
a temporary resting
place
& I can cut out of here
sooner than I let this
place slowly cut into me
& take away who I am
I am not you,
you are not me &
I'll never be what you want
& all these ways
that aren't my being
these faces, these stares
these costumes
I was meant for so much more
I was meant to be seen
in full
& not in small detail.
Take me out from under your lens,
maybe stop burning holes
into a person who just tried to love
another
I know how to plug up my own mishaps
I know how to
yes, I know how to..

I’ll always remember that last time with you.
I wore my black fur coat,
the “Russian one”
& we held hands together at 7:00 AM.

We stood in the middle of the street to kiss.
There was no one in sight.
We held up, only,
The traffic in our hearts,

Just to watch the dawn that came upon us.

How long did I travel
to walk up to this fortune
among distracted people
I was somebody

How many sleepless nights
to climb this wall
among forgetful children
I've put my fear away

I was waiting for you
in my veins it crescendoed
an ardent music
burning from inside
and you held on to me
like an ultimate hope
I could feel it inside
in all of my clothes

My precious
now I’ll fly together with you
and this journey will be a song
for giving me the love to live

My precious
now I’ll go along with you
to fetch all the most beautiful dreams
for those who must go on

How long did I travel
to walk up to this fortune
without any jacket or tie
and like this I made it
among important blokes
who’ve reached for the moon
Sometimes I look back
to figure out what I’ve been through

I was waiting for you
in my veins it crescendoed
an ardent music
burning from inside
and you held on to me
like an ultimate hope
I could feel it inside me
in all of my clothes

My precious
now I’ll fly together with you
over the time remaining for our faces
let's smile

My precious
now I’ll go along with you
and continue this dream while we're awake
then I will be a man freer still

My precious
now I’ll fly together with you
and this journey will be a song
for giving me the love to live

My precious
(I was waiting for you)
now I’ll go along with you
(in my veins it crescendo-ed
an ardent music)
to fetch all the most beautiful dreams
(burning from inside and you held on to me)
for those who must go on
(like an ultimate hope
I could feel it inside me in all of my clothes)

One night you'll feel like a speck of dust.
Smaller
Than
Ever
In
Your giant self.

The day they told me you had resigned,
I went searching for you.
My eyes sharpened to find you
like two new Ticonderoga pencils
on this timed, standardized test of life.
I, your pupil,
felt desperate to fill in the bubbles
on this journey
to fill up my heart again
with answers to questions
I knew only you could
score & tell me were right.
But you never had exams in your courses
I should've known when you left,
that was your way,
your blessing
to write my dissertation
and live my philosophy out, for you,
You had given me love,
you had always seen what I couldn't;
my potential. Who I am, truly.
And that's why, from you,
I learned everything & could feel internal peace
for I learned my purpose
& in my search for you again,
great teacher,
I realized you had never left
and the test had never existed.
I will still always wonder though
where you went.

(c) 2014

She always waits up for you,
your woman
always on,
lit up
like an old-fashioned
Christmas Tree
in a black & white film,
the way the white lights look
even brighter,
she's vintage beautiful.

So
When you turn the corner
of your dead end street
you two live on..
Does she now
how your love
flickers on & off
for her?