bryanbeee: Favorites

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

2:18

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

B

2:18

It's curretly 2:18 a.m. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor drunk and crying so hard I can't breathe. There are so many things going through my mind. My current thought is what I did that was so wrong that you treated me like ****. I loved you with everything I had and more. I was the one who would stay up with you until ungodly hours trying to convince you that you are important. That you are loved. That you are special. I was the one who loved you through thick and thin. I was the only one who was there when you felt broken. I was the one who was constantly there for you. I was the one who would do anything for you. I was the one who would give up everything for you. I was the one who tried so hard to make you happy no matter how badly I was hurting. I was the one who loved you. That wasn't enough for you, though. You pushed me down and every time I tried to pick myself back up, you'd push me down harder than the previous time. You drained me. I was hurting and you didn't care. The only time you seemed to care was when I was planning on leaving because I couldn't take it anymore. You were selfish. All you thought about was yourself and what you were gaining from me. Even when you finally tried to let me go, you drew me back in with your stupid "I love you's" and ******* it, I can't believe I fell for that. The only thing I gained from you was self-hatred. You're the reason why I hate myself. You're the reason why I'm so insecure. You're the reason why I can't stand myself. You're the reason why I can't be alone for long periods of time because who knows what I'll do to myself. You claimed that you loved me, but you don't do that to someone you love.

B.S.

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

Butterflies

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

B

Butterflies

You gave me butterflies
But not the gentle, colorful kind
Not the kind I captured in jars
As a child
You gave me butterflies*
But they had dangerous wings
Made of shards of glass
And broken promises
You gave me butterflies
That sliced through my stomach
Leaving hundreds of tiny gashes
You gave me butterflies
Which I never thought would be so painful.

B.S.

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

.

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

B

.

I'm not
In
Love
With you

I'm in love
With who
I
Thought you were

B.S.

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

-

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

B

-

Today, a man asked me if I'm happy. I thought about his question for a moment. I mean, there's nothing wrong with my life. I have a great family, I adore my friends, I'm going to a college I love, yet I still feel empty. I told him "yes" anyway. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know you're lying." I thought my facade was convincing, but I guess I'm losing my talent.

B.S.

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

Fairwell

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

Mark Steigerwald

Fairwell

Floating
upon a city at sea

Mesmerized
by the light in her eyes

As land gave way to ocean,
mountains of rock and earth
surrendering to hills of turbulent waves,
we stood on the deck
hand in hand

We spoke softly
danced rhythmically
and shared the night together

Once far out into the blue
the sun departed from our gaze
and the stars
one by one
began peeping out of the night sky

We laid down upon the deck
holding each other tight.

We sang softly
danced rhythmically
and drank deeply
from the cup of happiness.

Our hearts aligned
our dreams still far out
if only we knew what was coming
if only we could have seen through the shrouded mist of time.

How tightly would I have held you then,
holding you close to me
thanking God almighty for that moment
hoping it would last a lifetime.

But the moment was soon
shattered

Our hearts so newly intertwined
broken apart

Thrown suddenly apart from each other
fate had other plans for us

We were cast far away
isolated in darkness;
alone.

Heavy of heart
and weary of soul
my inner most being cried out for her.

She is worlds apart from me now
her smile
her laugh
the blue in her eyes
I must say goodbye.

Like a weight in my chest
that night clings to me
latching on whenever I am weak.

Oh to be with her once more
floating upon rivers of joy.

Yet shes gone from me
and I from her.
forever separated by fates cruel trick

At the end of all things
I stand alone

I must let her go
But I will never forget her memory.

The sensation of that night
the magic in the air
the waves lapping gently against the boat
the stars twinkling far above
the lights from the sliver of land left far behind
the smell of her perfume
the warmth of her smile
the joy in my bones
the wonder that I felt

Farewell to that girl
that wonderful girl,

Farewell to that night
that wonderful night.

Forever will I cherish you.

#alone #dreams #goodbye #night #memory #shattered #fate #isolated #fairwell #surrendering

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

There is Light

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

Mark Steigerwald

There is Light

In the depths of the night
there is light.

On the darkest of days
there also is light.

When love turns cold
when stars burn out.

When smiles fade
and shadow creeps

When hearts break
and fear fills us

There is light to guide us home.

#fear #days #shadow #night #burn #light #darkest #guide #creeps #depths

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

Let Love

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

Mark Steigerwald

Let Love

Let love be my companion,
when I walk through the storm.

Let love guide my heart
though broken and torn.

May I walk upright
and never stoop.

Let compassion
fill my being.

Mercy,
my soul.

Kindness,
my passion.

Peace,
my desire.

When tempest rage
when shadows come,
let love be my guide.

When words are harsh
and eyes pierce like daggers,
let love be my strength.

When swords are drawn
and arrows fly,
let love by my shield.

When hate corrupts
and sorrow abounds,
let love be my courage.

Through storm
through fire,
let love be my champion.

#love #peace #heart #storm #kindness #let #torn #mercy #guide #upright

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

look up

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

Hannah Beth

look up

I may be far from a sober mind
And you may be far away, dear
But maybes are made to be built on
And things can only be built up from here

I'm not drunk you're drunk

#hi

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

Broken hymns

Jan 2015 bryanbeee

calpurnia mockingbird

Broken hymns

I'll sing of all the ways I miss you
and how this sorrow came to be
the verses, lies I should have whispered
the chorus, truths in harmony.

The melody will break the silence
and call your broken heart to me
to be repaired by love unyielding
to broken hymns in minor key.

Depression lies and makes us push those we love most away, sometimes so far away that they can never return.

#depression #loss