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Hide me
as in make me disappear
I dont want to exist
I dont want to be here
I'm alone
and that scares me
I am scared of everything
Anxiety
Is killing me
I'm pacing
my heart is racing
someone save me
I'm dying
the world is out to get me
no one loves me
everyone hates me
I can't breathe
is there something wrong with me
please
save me
I can't see past this anxiety
a mind after midnight is a scary thing
that undiscovered country of thoughts
throughout your brain & running in your veins
pulsing, begging to be acknowledged
but you feel your heart beat faintly
and it meets the pace of your steadfast brain
slowly synching into sleep
hoping to forget everything
the next morning
In the night I go to places  
my day self fears to tread,
Where secret aches and longings claim
their space inside my head.

Too easily I lose the fight  
Give up my self control,
Yield reason, faith and innocence
to yearnings of my soul.

In the night I steal past conscience  
to find my terror tree,
Pick a poisonous fruit that tastes
like life and death to me.

My closed eyes are forced to take in    
all that I fear to see,
I’m drowning, bleeding, burning the
frail bones of inner me.

The spell breaks when I awaken
fractured or still the same,
My mind revealing or hiding
what I can’t bear to name.
~

think again if you believe
light is but a rapid blur,
consider that the spark
that lives between
two lover-friends, is light
exchanged in slow fashion;
the slow burn of a campfire,
the sparkle of her passion,
the flicker of a candle,
whisperings of the starlight,
the way a moon beam
bends the tides,
and makes her eyes twinkle;
each my confirmation,
of light that moves
so satisfying slow,
allowing flames to ever grow
ever higher, higher,
kindling sparks into a fire,
for love that lasts
is not a spark alone...
no,
love’s passion is a bon fire,
a sunset setting sky aglow;
an ever-building slow,
to effervescent ether;
a gently flowing kiss,
a living, colored tapestry
of drifting twilight mist;
this the speed of light...
my heart’s desire,
mirrored in my lover’s eyes.

~

*post script.

love at the speed of sunsets and star gazing;
evenings spent round the campfire
with only the light of the fire,
the stars and that sparkle in each other's eyes...
falling in love, all over again!
Daddy
I'm gonna be a daddy
That shakes me to the bones
When I heard the little heart beat
I knew he was my own

Mommy
She's gonna be a mommy
She smiles from ear to ear
Her vibrant eyes are so much brighter
Lightly glazed with tears

Family
We're gonna be a family
Our home is gonna change
As clothes are bought and prayers are prayed
We ponder over names

Baby
You're gonna be my baby
I swear to do my best
At times I'll slip
At times I'll fail
But I'll cherish your every breath
929

How far is it to Heaven?
As far as Death this way—
Of River or of Ridge beyond
Was no discovery.

How far is it to Hell?
As far as Death this way—
How far left hand the Sepulchre
Defies Topography.
 Jul 2016 Brittany nicole Smith
s
you
YOU destroyed me
you shoved a knife in my back and didn't care when I screamed
I put needles of color in my arms
I chopped my hair
Dyed it black
Because you made me feel like ****
You made me feel like death
I need someone to pull out this knife
I have to sleep on my side now
The sharp edge scrapes my spine
It's infecting my head
You left
But your scar tissue will live on
I am glad you're gone.
I don't care anymore
She gave you a chance
But, you threw it away
Very tentative in your actions
You have led her astray
Why must she continue?
You were never there
Living in a state of uncertainty
You did not make your words clear
---
sometimes,
I can feel the blood running
through my veins and
it scares me
to be alive.
but weren't we supposed to fear death instead?
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