i should've known that when he said he hated the rain,
he was going to hurt me just like you did

at some point in time you saved my life.

you thought I was worth something and you promised you'd help me.

a few months later,
I feel your calloused hands on top of my own; helping me holding a gun below my chin
I see your shadow behind my body;
creeping into my skin and taking over any light that had once existed
I hear your soothing voice and steady heartbeat;
I'm home right? you always promised you'd be my home.

but you're killing me now
why are you killing me?

I tried to let go of that gun long ago but now
you're sitting here sending me sweet nothings,
easing my mind so i'll pull that **** trigger

everything changed between us months ago,
all you do now is hover in front of me,
like a ghost plotting revenge against it's murderer
you said "I love you too **** much."

I'm screaming,
everything is becoming dark
and the pain has become too much
so you pull the trigger.
you're yelling "this is it.
this is the last ******* time."

you had your eyes closed
*you said "i never loved you, I never even tried to."

im looking for ways to forget you
but all I want to do is ******* text you

It's so easy for my friends to say that I should hate you.
The only reasons coming to their minds are
because you hurt me
because you lied
because you left

You've never hit me or beat me. But your words sure do have a right hook that has left more bruises than any hands could. The colors purple and blue have made a permanent home on my body. But no one ever saw them because they weren't visible to the naked eye. You knew they were there though, you knew and you kept hurting me

You said i love you like flipping on a light switch. It was something convenient for yourself and you knew how it turned me on. If only i had known you were lying.

I placed my heart in your hands thinking it was safe. But i what didn't know was that the reason they were so warm was because they were already a home to someone else. I didn't know. So i placed it neatly against your calloused palms and kissed it goodbye. It should have been safe with you. But i wasn't entirely worried until i saw you turn and run for the nearest exit. And i didn't break down until i saw who was waiting for you behind the door. You two took my heart like you'd struck gold; you never looked back.

They say i should hate you,
for hundreds of reasons.
But the twisted thing is, i've only ever come up with thousands explaining why i should still love you.

it's one big nightmare
i never went to sleep for

If my father apologized,
key word being if
because there is no when...

i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i love you and i know i don't say it ever but i really ******* do. you make me so proud and i can't believe you're my daughter. i get to watch you grow up, who in their right mind wouldn't want to be part of that?
i'm sorry.
i'm never there for you and we don't spend any time together and i always seem to be yelling. i've just been so tired and i'm not around all that much but, i still love you more than anything. have i said that yet?
i'm sorry.
i say i'm giving you thick skin but after i found out you wanted to die i knew my words were the things killing you. you're not a disgrace or an embarrassment and no, i don't regret you being born. i had been drinking when i said that. how could i regret you when i love you as much as i do? i should really start saying that more, huh?
i love you
i love you
i love you
i'm so sorry

if my father apologized,
key word being if
because i'm smart enough to know there will never be a when;
i hope it would sound something like that...

I've always heard that real love is putting someone else's happiness before your own
I've also heard that it's the most painful kind of love to feel;
it's hard and rough

this love reminds me of your hands in some weird way,
you saw calloused messes at the same time I saw a home for my heart
my heart and I moved in together you see
and it wasn't the roomiest of places but it was the first place I've lived in that actually felt like a real home

your happiness on the other hand was never in the same place as mine
we could sit around for hours and while I found comfort in staring into your eyes, you found ways to compare mine to your coffee
I saw my future in you
but you saw an escape route from all the pain you've been feeling from being alone too much

we were never in love,
oh no,
but we definitely could have been