Placebo effect-
That's all it is.
An improper reaction to an absent chemical.
I believe it's there, oh I do,
But it isn't.
It wasn't.
It never will be.
But I will suffocate. Choke. Sputter. Convulse.
Because of the poison you injected into me.
(You never did.)
On my deathbed I blame you.
"He did this! He killed me!"
You're not capable of ******.
You'd never hurt me, right?
You said so yourself.
But you did, didn't you?
How else would I be here?
Dead, or close to it-
And no one to blame but you.
"He poisoned me!"
They'll believe me.
I warned my friends.
Told them some of the truth.
But what's the real truth?
You'd never hurt me...
But I know you would.
And every time you smiled,
Or said something sweet,
You'd slip your poison into me.
(I tell myself.)
You'd never hurt me.
I only tell myself you would.

it only makes sense
that a girl who wants to die
should fall for a man who wants to **** her

I was born in the mud.
All soft and deep and sticky and cool.
I was born where the reeds shot up higher than my head and where everyone knew my name before i opened my eyes.
I was born where cicadas sung me to sleep in the evenin and the chatter from the river talked all night.
I was born where the sunset drew the longest shadows and where nothin smelled sweeter than magnolia trees.
I grew up where you could learn more on the river than at school and where bonfires burned brighter than the sun.
I grew up where the pretty girls had two first names and the boys bought their kisses with stale beer.
I grew up when the river was the only life for us and the screen doors were always slammin.
I grew up where we pretended the winter didn’t exist and where all our mamas worried when we were out.
I grew up in the passenger seat of our pickup trick and with swampwater in my blood.
I grew up where there were more dirt roads than paved and where the man in the suit was the enemy.
I was born with sunlight in my hair and sweat on my skin.
But I died in a fluorescent room all clean and sanitized.
All sharp and cold and hard and white.

Satin sheets
Like when daddy used to pull them up and down in quick succession
Sending out pretty little waves of air
Searching for you
Like echolocation
And they'd puddle around you
Like tiny hills and valleys
And you
a smooth little rock
Ensconced in a blanket of snow
All covered up
stay there
It's warm, and quiet, and soft
The light filters in in slow pulses
You let your eyes shut over sepia screens
(you wish this was eternal)

blue and red
blue and red kind of contrast don't they? i think they do at least a little because when your face was inches above mine and red with effort (thank you) your eyes looked bluer than ever and it was perfect thank you!
i don't know the word to describe that look but i hope i looked as beautiful as you did. i hope i always look beautiful when i'm with you or maybe i don't because would you hurt something beautiful?
just please - please let me be your baby and you've called me that three times now three! and granted they're all rasped while you're inside of me but please never stop saying that and maybe please one day say it to me when we're not touching but please just let me be your baby. baby blue eyes i'll wear a baby doll dress and you'll call me baby oh you
OH you you will never understand this but everything is bright white light and everything other than you is muted and dull but your eyes are blue perfect blue trained on me in this tiny room between my knees and i'll let you know now if you leave i'll never cast a spell on you maybe if you stay i won't either i'm paralyzed and i can only use my eyes and my tongue and my mind which is working oh-so-hard to figure out what to do here because this is a mystery and oh my god i love the way you look at me when you explore which buttons to press to elicit a response oh doctor oh doctor i need a doctor
please get me medicine
please make me better

Oh I'm so dead.
I'm so dead and you're he's so alive he's so alive and he's up at 1130 and i'm fast asleep and he's hours away and i'm in the green-walled room and thunder can't be written about with gentle drops of rain but thunder can be written about with thunder so CRASH **** HOWL SHRIEK because you he is THUNDER and what am i? you HE is thunder and i am lightning and he brings me to life and I am SCREAMING "oh god oh god" and you he is grinning as much as he can at this moment and my throat is bare (why) and i want you him to treat me physically like you do emotionally and if it had always been this way then i'd be dead at the bottom of the ditch you dug when you smirked like that
bleeding and bruised and unrecognizable and would you look at me look at me look at me but no you'd fill the grave with dirt and your heart would still be oh so empty but you're just a boy a ******* boy and I look up and see starts and galaxies and then I see you and thunder crashes again and I'm not screaming and there's no lightning and my throat is still bare but so is everything else and our sweat has long since dried and you're a doctor aren't you but you'd rather cut me up than stitch me closed and I'm still bleeding and you're still smiling *but you're just a BOY and I am so much more than just a girl.

Spirits and feeling
And something other than nothing
And fire in your belly
And dancing nerves in your fingers
And baby they've never danced like ice & fire
But when ice & fire dance you better watch
Your body's gonna burn down to bones
And we'll turn those to dust too, baby trust me
Don't you trust me?
I'llmakeyoufeelagain
I can make you feel again
Baby, the music's starting
So pay attention.