If i were to die, during the autopsy, they would find your name etched into my ribcage. They would find your fingerprints all over my heart. You and everyone else promised you wouldn’t leave but why don’t you get it? And I remember seeing home in your eyes and telling you i was terrified of falling in love with you, And i guess this is what it’s like hearing someone say they don’t love you anymore when you still love everything about them, and that made me wonder if it’s possible to love someone so much it stars tearing up your insides.

Look, if we start fighting again please just pull out the knives you've been hiding under your pillow for so long,
and go right for my ******* heart.
Please just hurt me like you did that night i thought you were the love of my life but i ended up walking home with shaky hands and blood stained fingernails as if i'd been scratching on a wall with your words all over it
i want to feel the pain in my heart one last time
because i know you don't love me anymore
i need to feel the pain in my heart one last time
so i know it's real

The tree
Poured on by crying clouds
Sliced by loving teenagers
Kissed by the woodpecker
Tickled by the ants
Grounded by the dirt
Chopped by the man
And still ensures we breathe

I slid into your hands
you cradled me
and I was happy
You buried your smile in my hair
I held you
and you were happy
Then you dropped me
but I grabbed on
still wanting you closer
but,
I let go of your finger tips
falling down a pit of memories
swirling and crashing at my heart
Did you ever give yourself the chance to breathe my air
look through my eyes
Did you ever truly see me
my face was blank
my voice stayed silent
but did you ever think to try hard enough to truly find me
where were the soft hands
asking if I was okay
where were the calming eyes
telling me I was safe
Where in the midst of it all did I lose you

Just left
Not just physically
Found myself between
sun-rays
Enlightened and free
a page empty
Shades that I choose
blue's, grey's and green
Drop in the stream
down my face
I blend into this place
I am without a trace
Beyond everything
you embrace
So get away
my Darling's
Run into the trees
Embrace the falling colors
Times as a fleeting dream
Beauty is adventure
hiding in the leaves
Soon the wind doth blow
Cold hands you will meet
When Winter winds expose
you!
Eventually

May the moth not care,
Towards the light.
May the flower refuse to blossom,
In springtime.
May the rise of a full moon,
Not urge the wolf to howl.
May the smell of fresh blood,
Not make the lion prowl.

May the moon not,
Direct the tides.
May the Lady of Shallot,
Not look at the Knight.
May I not be afraid,
Of a long forgotten feel.
May the sight of you not rekindle,
The old fire, my hearts ordeal.

i miss the gentle hugs
   and eyes offering reassurance

i miss
   the comfort of a cozy chair
with room enough for two
    and the smell of food
being cooked

i miss the closing of doors
   and the snoring at night
closing my eyes and craving sleep
   then secretly smiling
when you turn over with a poke

i miss the shower going on at 5 am
and the door closing at 6

i miss your corny jokes
and the smell of you after a hard day at work

i miss your calm when i was angry
   and your common sense
when the world seemed senseless

i miss the beat of my heart
   when i'd think of you
and the sense of peace i felt
   when i heard you come through the door

but what i don't miss

is the nagging pang in my gut
   and the knowing in my heart
that you weren't coming home

i don't miss the crying episodes
   and the disappointment
after broken promises

i don't miss having to share you
   with many
and offering explanations
   to why i haven't left

i don't miss
   the humiliations
      the aloneness
         the lies
and the cheating

i don't miss
your breast pounding
to prove you're a man
   and the negligence i came to expect
the late night phone calls
   from women i'd never met
but who knew intimate details
   of the life we'd shared

there's so much i miss
   but so much more i don't

but in my mind
i still hug and smile at
that young boy
i fell in love with
so, so many years ago.

taste best to those who like them.

slightly ****, we ****, throw the stones
to the wild.

maybe they will grow.

the door bell rang, you came with
your sweet heart, when i was closed.

you drank the tea i made you, ate
my chocolate biscuits.

i hardly recognised you without your hat.

an odd affair. ate more plums, went to bed.

the words, no need to visit,
fell on deaf ears.

sbm.

she stands still
with her eyes steadily
tracing the whisps of
air that circle in front of
her
her hands quivering
and yet her vision is so
solid
dense, cold memories
are leaning at the tip of
her tounge
but her lips won't budge.
she hears the words
letter by letter-
they just don't get why
she can't just 'socialize'-
why she's so independent
she's so quiet
she's so isolated-
but what i don't get is that
you dare to label her "shy"
and yet you don't even know
what she's hiding from