everyday is a dream
full of monsters
that dance with me to the edge of my grave.
they're the kind
that make art out of peeling off their skin
and selling there souls
they call it
happiness.
emptiness.
what's the difference these days?
everyday is a nightmare of beauty
a dream full of monsters
flickering like flames to a fire, just waiting to die.
and
i want to press my bones against the lips of life
that open my eyes every morning but im too dead to breath..

i'm so tired of being tired.
i carry these rickety bones
around like extra baggage
long and far
left moving in motion like an old carousel that should have stopped working long ago
i'm there for the laughs and the smiles
always there but forever absent
on a mental vacation you could say
i am something you will grow fond of and eventually leave
and that's okay
see,
i'm not the type of girl your mother warns you about
i won't break your heart like a bottle of whiskey after having a little too much
i will stand by your side until the day my bones snap from carrying the weight of the  world
and my name turns into a r.i.p scribbled on a gravestone.

She gave her heart to him
as he held her head under water, and when he entangled his hands in her curls
or when his words cut like the blade she used oh, so long ago
Her only response we're the bubbles of air that followed her silence..

her legs buckled like splintering twigs as he touched her,
she was really shaking and scared but he didn't care
and all those nights she spent crying;
come morning
her lips still formed poems of devotion and his arms still said she was safe.
and while he was
Too busy priding himself in all the nights he took her to bed
to even notice..
I saw her slowly dying
half a word away,
and I could only listen to the sound of her
bones breaking
as she said
"i love you"
one last time.

each time you talk to me it's like swallowing swords.
nails on a chalkboard.
how can i tell you anything
if you don't bother to listen.
each time you breathe
i hear a symphony of pots and pans
electric currents buzzing and droning on through the night.
im hung up in you
like all the late night phone calls we never had
ill love you
like the way you treated me
******
and
ill remember you
as the boy who never kept his promises.
**always.

There was never enough empathy between your breaths
you exhaled as if you had a bed of rusty nails kissing your chest
fogging up the car windows
with some type of pain
some type of strength you couldn't muster
words where thrown like sticks and stones
and kissing you felt like a war
swords and screams formed on the tip of your tongue but you could never spit them out

i've detached myself from everyone
all my friends
all my family
they
don't seem to understand why I'm not happy
but happiness isn't something you buy, it isn't something that get with a side of mashed potatoes or pork chops
its a lifestyle.. A life style that every part of me ******* yearns for
i can't be happy here
looking at all your sad faces
all your self pity
i have enough of my own

all i have to say anymore is *******
to every single friend i have ever had that didn't even care enough to ask me if i was okay
*******
mom for leaving me
******* Josh, for ******* me over
**** this world
******* all , thank you.

drop me like i dropped you.
give me a taste of the medicine
that you drown yourself in.
hold that knife tight
go ahead and take a stab

make me
feel
    It

make
me
       feel
something
.

don't take the detour in your fancy car
to this place
my dear,
the road less followed here
is still followed and still not worth the hours you will spend
trying to understand the sheer entirety of
it all

please don't waste your life
trying to find the beauty in this place
it
will be hard
if not impossible
to do

but if you decide to gamble
and
wager all your love and all of your life with me on this
do
check in the garbage cans
amongst the homeless hearts
and maybe in the gum under that bench
or the crumpled wrappers on the asphalt
right over there

in those forgotten things
you will find the good.

maybe.

i'm thoroughly convinced
that
everyone's blind
and schizophrenic
     here
and i don't want to listen to the noise that ricochet's off the walls of my skull anymore
when they're banging on their drumsets at two in the ******* morning
as if they're monkeys in a ******* zoo.

you're all too ******* loud.
go choke on your ****** personalities
and
shut up.


the cars beeping in the early morning
the screams
  the laughter

i can't help but
hate you all
because as much as i deny myself regular human interaction
and the ability to feel
as much as i keep myself locked up in a state of numb

  i crave your simplicity
to the deepest part of my core
and
i wish
so badly i could be happy and content with keeping up with regular trends and falling in love
and marriage and religion and laughing children
and babies coming into this world
and sunshine and butterflies
but i grew the **** up
and started seeing everything for the way it really is
ever since that one night
when i was too high to stop you
and you ****** me
with some type of desperation
and i told you to stop
bur you didn't hear me
i guess

were your ears virgins to the word ****..? or were you just dumb?

so many nights i try to justify what you did
to me
and convince myself that it was just the hallucinations
but we both know that i'm lying to myself..

whatever.
i'm over it.
doesn't matter anymore.
that's all seemingly irrelevant
all that matters is that
you know
that you ****** with the wrong girl
and so did all the rest of you.

i will sink this ship with all of you in it
even if it means going down with your sorry souls

and i don't care if you haunt me
i get enough screams in my dreams
when you touch my skin hugging jeans
(if you know what i mean)

so yes now that we're all on the same page
i
hate everyone
and that hate has festered like an open wound
into me hating
everything
in every city

everyday.

so from one person to another don't take the detour darling, and don't come to this ****** place
because i promise you your happiness won't leave with you when you pack up your bags

(i will have stolen it in the night)

you were better off at home
you were better off alone.

keep your children under lock and key
and hide your wife
have it be known county wide that
if you venture too far
into my woods
and
follow the bread crumb trail
like the naughty kids you are
you are in for a real treat.


please just assume
you can
withstand me

and know that
i will consume you
if you don't consume me first

if i were you id worry about cushioning the blow on your family
instead of your hair
when i open you up with my sword and let the hate flow out of you into a river of blood
your hairs gonna be a rats nest
i'll make sure of it.
all caked with dried up blood
face smeared in dirt.
just how you belong.
  

so listen to the road signs that scream dead end
and go back

this is my ghost town
and i will defend it and my heart at all costs
and when the day comes
when i can't do it anymore
i will dig my own grave and die here.

It's scary to think that every thought I think has been thought of the same way at least a thousand other times
to think that every word I say has already rolled off the tongues of the people of the past
to consider even for a split second
That every face I see, has just been recycled time and time again..
It's scary to think that everything I thought to be true, everything I believed so strongly I was
Has disintegrated into nothing.

i tell my bones to work until they're black and blue
because that's what daddy wants
but they don't listen to a word i say
and seem to have a mind of their own

we love each other
but we live separately, my bones and i
i'm a bit clumsy and i make a lot of clatter
at least that's what they tell me.
i scream in my sleep sometimes
and wake up whispering..
they cushion the blow though, my bones
they
give me something to sleep with at night
to
stop the terror from escaping my barricaded head
and past my prison bar teeth
like a river
forever flowing into
a sewer
i
pollute the world with hate and garbage


i guess im just lonely.
or i could be forgotten.



maybe.



or it could be just this city getting to me..
everything seems to stay the same
and the seasons never change;
sleeping on rooftops and seeing the same skyline, gets old
if you're
use to running barefoot and are too far from the ground.

i bought a calendar last year,
and ever since i've been
counting down the days until somebody
gives
a
****
but, this city is still empty and i am still alone.
it's funny, how it always seems to end up that way..

but at least now
after all of this back breaking work
my eyes are opened
and
i understand more then ever
why
you
all
left.


nothing lasts forever
i should have realized, but i was too busy being young and dumb.

people come and go
the city
comes alive at night
and dies
again in the morning

      but,
god forbid.
there comes a day when my skeleton wants to leave me.

i bite his lips so hard
they bleed
but he still comes back for more.
he tastes
like copper
but he doesn't have a penny to his name.
he knows my type
and
he knows just how to get under my skin
and
i can promise you he's poisoning me, ever so slowly
with the things he says..
he's trying to peel off my exoskeleton.  trying to get me
naked

in his bed

or

on the
floor

at this point, i don't think he cares.

i don't know what to do when he teaches me things
or touches me inbetween my thighs
except bite off his head
and shoot him down.

you can't fight poison with poison though.
no one ever wins
and it's his move
so im just stuck.

but please believe me when i say i want to love your pain away.
i'm just use to kisses with fists
and my soul getting ****** and left in that alleyway with those dumpsters
my face pushed up against the brick floor..
it wasn't worth the drugs..or the time i spent trying to make myself not care.

but

i guess,
we are all just wasting time.

long story short, i don't know how to love and i don't think someone so lost in there own sadness is capable of understanding something so beautiful

so just know, that i am sorry

when i bite off your head
and **** up your soul, i didn't want it to be that way.

in another world maybe we could have been together.

please
forgive me
.

i scream so
loud
it kills all the birds in the sky
but you still wonder why they don't sing for you

it's cold outside
and the rose garden is frozen over
and it seems like the luster in your eyes is gone
for good

they've known for ages
that your dying
and that winter is coming
but they never once thought to
prepare
or save those roses your grandpa planted
for little blonde
curlycue
you.

the rose petals
fell
and
they let you go
too quickly


makes you think if
you ever really mattered at all?

the trees don't sparkle with gold anymore
and the butterflies don't sing on the wind

your forest for hair
has now become something you've gotten yourself lost in
and the intricate ringlets
once placed
atop your head
have now become
knotted
lose curls.

you are not what you use too be.

seventeen
and
already dying of things you don't understand.

what a ******* shame.

you can hear your bones creak
and you jam your words out
of your mouth threw the spaces in your
teeth


the birds are singing
but you've lost your voice
and  
your grandpa isn't here to teach you bird songs
or whistle the blues
while you sweep the driveway
clear of pine needles

no one can save you
except yourself
and
you don't know what you're ******* doing
and probably never did

life is lacking
in these eyes
and i can't live without it

i want the birds
back in the sky
and curls back in my hair
and the wrinkles
erased
from my skin

take me back to a time when i was happy.

take me back to a time
when i actually cared about things.



i need an adventure
or
maybe
     a

vacation

something to keep me
from being numb

again
.

something to keep me breathing


*just a little longer.
just a little longer.

smoke it on the daily
i do
and
i left the last batch near the window.
the only thing these days waiting on me to come home.

i have an addiction
and it all started
with
you
.

it is thursday today and
for reasons i don't remember
the exterminator is
coming

but i've been hiding out
in my hidey hole
under the patio
playing with needles
all day
and it seems like i have already missed him

he left a note on my door
telling me that there are
bombs in the house
but
i guess
it won't make a difference.

it's already a chemical warfare in these veins
and
nothing i'm not use too

closed into this skin
i won't let myself
out to see the world
too much restraint
the handcuffs are too tight
and i know i'm killing myself
but i also know they won't miss me

grown accustomed
to
this muggy air
and the lack
of
love in my lungs
i have

you can't
phase
the unphaseable.  

i open
the door and wait on the porch
for someone to invite me in
even though this is my home
and chivalry is dead.
sometimes
i expect my love
to great me at the door
but
we play a constant game of hide and seek and i haven't been able to
find her for ages.

the rain has stopped and
my vampire hands
have ceased to shake..
by the time
i
step inside.

the freshly lacquered linoleum floor
hits me in the face with a waft of lemon scented chemicals.
and i know now that
someone has been cleaning
but i purposely don't take off my shoes
and
this smell
of orchard lemon trees
is the false pretense of safety that
dances around my nostrils and tucks me into bed at night

this is home.
for now.
and
i
  guess
    it

  will
have
to
do
    .


i walk in a circle
as to not upset the balance of things
turn on the record player
and
find myself a chair in the kitchen.
only
to witness a symphony of
spiders
fall to the floor
and crumble up into
themselves
with  one
single
crescendo
.

everything is dying
and the air
is barely breathable
but i find comfort
in the thought of you
still loving me through it all.

i'll be sure to call this exterminator again
he really did do a swell job.
even took care of all the cobwebs  
on my bookshelf
which i haven't used in years
because its
where i keep our cardboard box full of memories  
hidden
behind the great gatsby and the
apocalyptic books
i tried to make you read
in hopes of you maybe seeing the beauty in such darkness
but you never liked them anyways
and you stopped reading my poetry
a long time ago
so who was i really kidding
other then myself?

it's newly November
and i hope it snows this year
i don't need a scarf
or mittens
because
i can feel your warmth even though you're not welcome in my house anymore  
and i can feel your lips on my neck
and your hot breath
whispering
***** little secrets to my skin

your hickeys we're love notes written in flesh
but of course bruises were your signature trade mark.

the thought of you calling my name
kills me
even quicker
then
this poison that enters in through my pores
and kisses my bloodstream like
an old family friend

i am not scared
of it
though

in fact i don't even flinch

after my experience with you
i am now an expert at dancing with the devil

i am brave
not fearless
no,

merely

immune to things that try to **** me
whilst loving me to pieces.

time is something we made up to escape the silence
of invisible beating wings
and hearts running rampant in chests belonging to people without names
and the laughter shines like sunshine
Through wooden shutters and doors that words creep through
our bodies creak as we dance to the music the earth plays for us
but for now,
we are all just children in tall grass
and the tall grass are the buildings and houses and places we call home..
we refuse to be silent
and we shake our bones in defiance
next to fires on late nights
with bottles in our hands
and words in our mouths that we will never say.
we wont stop breathing until
we stop dreaming
until we've fallen in love more times then we have fingers

until...  

never.

we are alive
&
we are young.
And maybe tommrow
when we are older
and bolder
we can shed our skins and our differences
and dance as one
in the cotton candy clouds
next to the diamond stars
with smiles so bright on our faces that nothing could stop us.

snakes wrapped around my arms
like handcuffs they leave my wrists swollen
and
kissed
with baby bruises.

chills.


they wriggle like worms in the palms of her hands
as
the snakes in her hair protest against her scalp

she slides right past me
prickles, the goosebumps on my skin
her scales pressed against my back.
hands like granite..
she whispers in my ear.
her words
f
a
l
   l
i
g

out hoarse
and
   flat
right on top of my thick
skull

she tries one more time
to get me to look at her.
she wants me to understand the pain in her eyes.
but i close my eyes
and tie my eyelashes shut

so she can't slip in
so im not tempted to look at her in all of her
horribly
  chilling
       glory
       .

but the snakes still try to slither  in through the cracks in my exterior.
they come out of her head
flick there forked tongues in my direction
and slither into me.

there cold blooded eyes staring right into mine

*i can't help but shiver as if it's winter.

i am a beautifully misunderstood masterpiece
plastered with ugly truths and beautiful lies
i push boundaries and limits of what you thought you could be
and leave your little lungs empty.

i've knocked on deaths door twice but I still come home to you, darling

because when i learn to love you
i'll morph into something new
something pretty..
something that is the polar opposite of me.
i will become your expectations
and forget about who i use to be
make art of out my pain
and love, out of my heartbreak
no longer a caterpillar
i will be a little butterfly
shedding her skin
to finally
be something

*beautiful.

You sat alone
like I always did
your eyes wandering aimlessly like a stray cat left out in the cold and from the moment I saw you I knew you were different..
your eyes told me that we were the same as I felt your heart beating through your bird ***** ribcage
You use to be such a fragile little thing before you learned how to hide it
The sight of a man could ******* you.. and ironically that's how you lived your last few years..
'home is where the heart is' they say
But when you died
My heart went with you.

here take my broken bones
and
stuff them in the back of that beat up hearse
seal us up in that coffin
put a brick on that pedal

and

drive off the cliff

busy busy bees
floating from flower to flower
in search of fairy dust,
coating their wings with magical things so they can fly away.

so free
yet subservient,  
like little meteorites they plummet into atmosphere
and break there bones
and when they return from their journey
broken limbs swaying side to side
the
bumble bees with manes like lions
shed there coats
and there wings
and hand over the universe
and the planets

to a hungry
     queen
with
      a belly full
of
     *stars.

let's look with eyes that are not our own
and
love every nook and cranny of this earth
with our small
young hands.

i will go anywhere with you..
do anything with you.

you just have to promise that you won't let them hold you down
if you want to run

you just have to promise
to kiss trees instead of boys
if your heart tells you to do so.

this name that they have branded you with
doesn't belong to you

it is not a limitation
unless  
you let it become one.

take off your clothes with me
and throw away
those keys
life was meant to be lived
without price tags
attached
to the small of your back
and your skin on sale for fifty percent off ..

and don't listen to a word anyone else tells you
unless you believe it to be true.
we are the light
and they choose to be surrounded by their own darkness.
they will not dim us
as much as they try.

silly people.

haven't they ever thought of the price they pay
when they use that piece of plastic
to buy themselves
yet another mountain
of worthless
garbage
.

what will a few
gold necklaces
and diamond rings
matter
when you're on your deathbed
exhaling your last little breath..?


why not run around the world twice
and tell your children
stories by the campfire of all your adventures
instead of passing on
some
stupid
sentimental
family airloom onto the next sorry sucker
that gets his *** dropped into this world.

it's not all your things
or your plastic faces
your cars
the things you do
or the way your treat children

it's your ******* personalities.
(or should i say lack there of)

so go
stuff your Gucci perfume down your throat
i don't want your chemical cynide
touching my skin
anyways,

i don't need to smell like a flower to be human and either do you.

go
**** your Prada bags
and your fancy cars
your homes
and your trophy wives

or if you're into that
have them *******.

i'm going to be looking down on you all from a mountain
and laughing
so hard
and
smiling so bright
that an avalanche crashes over your
sorry city
and you all get buried six feet deep in snow with all the things
you've
neglected for so long.

will you take my hand and do the same as i do..?

i'm going to
kick off my shoes
and unlock my shackles
feel the earth soak in between my toes
instead of feeling hot asphalt on my soles.

i am going to
brace hurricanes and swim against the sea
until my body gives out
from fighting
the world

and
it may be hard for you to understand why i break boulders with my toungue
or why
i don't want to go back home to the arms of people that love me
but that's okay
just
hold my hand
and
smile
like the whole world is watching


i don't need you to comfort me
when people call me a fool
or make fun  
of the things we do

there doesnt have to be words spoken between us
because
there are no words to describe how we feel

this is
what it's like to have found
your soulmate
this is what it is like
to be alive

She was the girl in class they told to sit still
she was the one they wrote about on bathroom stalls
Ribs protruding like archaic armor
Ready to snap
Ready to go


It wasn't a little girls fairytale I promise
Because she came to you in your darkest dreams
And sang you the prettiest songs while you dreamed a million deaths and awoke in agony as you realized you were still breathing.

And the shivers down your spine were no match for the coldness in her heart
Her black wings covered her naked back
But all she was really trying to hide were the scars
she was foolish like me once too
She painted stories of blue, her sadness  plastered on her bones for all to see
a love mistook for lust
what a shame
Skinny love really can't get much skinnier when your out of flesh to peel
And you're starving and fresh out of  potatoes already huh?
And you've already sold your bones to some corpse who gets to dress up fancy and wear them next
And since your busy selling your soul to your demons.
Forking over all your limbs for more drugs
"save me a little slice of that broken heart, honey
After all, Misery always tastes the best served, bleeding and beating fresh out of the chest.."
And with those last words
She stretched her aching wings
bones so sore you can even hear the friction whisper
It seems her body spoke more words then she did
And
Each feather that fell from her wings hit the ground as hard as iron
She lived her life weighed down by all her burdens and regrets  
And when I asked her how she could still fly with a heart so heavy
and wings stained with iron
she simply sighed
and
melted into the night like ink on paper
She
Pale faced
Like newborn snowflakes that have never felt the harshness of the ground..
She sat breathing distance from you
Right by your bed side
Her ribs poked out of her chest like splintering toothpicks and broken  hearts  
and your world went black
catching only glimpses of
Her. lips.
So. close.
closing in on those little red rose petals you call a mouth
And you try to scream  but she devours your voice
Razors from her tongue shredding your cheeks into little bite sized pieces
And then you see it.. your life..your meaningless pathetic life.. hovering right above your reach
and you start to wonder if it all came down to this


Your eyes flutter open....


lips are hovering over your life drained face
and before you know it
her blood stained teeth slowly form into a pink sinister smirk that later turns into a grimace
and you can see that in between her teeth are little parts of you
like petite appetizers
Ripe for the picking
she swallows the rest of the flesh that envelops her throat
And
Licks her chops
Like she missed the taste of spilled blood


The rooms now full of chatter
the guests don't have very good manners
and
If you open your eyes and close your ears
The doctors around my hospital bed sound like crickets
And I think if I could be anywhere in the world right now we would be by the lake.
shes not scared to take you away so you shouldn't be either,
There is no point running from death
It's inevitable.
You are already chained to a world that is not entirely your own and tethered to a universe full of secrets

So while you were running to nowhere land,  can I ask you where you were?
and how far you got before time caught up?
and while i was lying half dead in that hospital bed
You we're dying merely a world away.

I have been waiting for this day for my whole life
and
She's still by my bed side black wings draped over my face..
The day has come where i can finally leave for good
but
I packed my suitcase full to the brim, three nights before, and something is still missing
And as you search amongst the darkness

*Her porcelain hands
reach out to guide you

cold as frost
But somehow
still managing
to leave
 blisters on your skin

winter
lumberjack.
   six four.
too tall
     for the trees.
scared them so  
    silly they'd
  shake.

i jumped into a well
to welcome you into my waters

leapt to my death
only
to catch you breathing
.

everybody liked me better when i was on drugs.
and i liked everyone better
without their
hot  heads
and sour sober tongues

chilled  to
the bone.
emotionless.
numbed up on cherry

coke

is what pleases this palate

like a dish best
   served cold
with a sprinkle of white trash garbage
and
a side of
i forgot i ever cared.

you laugh at my lips and my arms,
the things they say and do

but i know that when you lay your head down on your pillow at night
i dance behind your eyes and torture you.

i hide in the webs inbetween your fingers
the little 'you are loved' pin on the dashboard of your old ford
the little memories
you try to
keep
from
penterating your empty skull
but still patiently sit behind your eyes.

i scare you because i understand you.

and the truth
kills all the weeds
that you've been so pertinatiously  growing in your head.
lies are a false flower
hiding in rotting wood
whilst
growing against the bars of the sun


i understand why your scared
why you hide,
love isnt for the faint of heart.
love isn't for cowards.

maybe that's why your mouth always tasted like lies.
maybe that's why you would always slink back for more only in the cover of
darkness

so chase me,
call me names
set me on fire
with the hate in your eyes;

keep on trying to pick at my skin
while i effortlessly pick at yours
i promise it won't work

because I don't think you realize
i stopped caring
not long after
the
night
you
told
me
you
did
.

his bed was cold
and made of tombstone
and his sheets were starchy and made my skin crawl..

but
i still layed in the grave he dug for me
and
i shut off the lights in my head
And I sealed my eyelids shut with ice
so the rivers of emotion wouldn't seap through.
he had bought my skin for the night
he had bought my soul
so I layed there  
trying to dream up an excuse to escape the reality of his skin on mine
and
In my dream
I had built a house
a really pretty house
out of sticks and stones that can't break my bones
and in a place where the sun always shined
but now that I'm waking up
the woods rotting and there's maggots in the floor boards
from all the girls innocence that you murdered here
and all the walls and doors that I built up
you tore down
how am I supposed to hide
from a monster like you
In a place reduced to wood chips..?
And now since all the ***** hit the fan
and youre six feet under my skin
do you mind telling me
why you call your bed your tombstone
while you're very much alive and breathing
and i'm the one left dead?

your fingers leave
mud marks
on my
skin,
tire tracks
leading
**h
o
m
e
.

All I really need is to go back to the times when I could smile without tears in my eyes
And all I have ever really wanted, was to be treated as something  more then
Just

*expendable.

I grew out of my skin before my tenth birthday.

and left my childhood innocence stranded somewhere on the city streets for a couple of bucks
And
I never really liked the twist and turns of the highways here but they've always felt the closest to home
always lost, always moving in the wrong direction.

I've sold my soul to demons without names
and I'm guilty of falling in love with places more then people.

I grew out of my skin like I grew out of my mind
slowly and then all at once.

the whispers in the hallways
feed me the same
"stray in the reins of society, it will guide you, *******"
telling me I'm taking the wrong path
But they can't tell the sea from the shore

and I would have
drifted for years in my own tears;

*if the ship didn't sink and take my ignorance with it..

you have a sunbeam smile
like all the others
it reflects off your spectacles
and sets

the

    world

       on
fire.

the world is your ant hill
and
you leave me scampering for safety.

people ****.
i grew up too fast.
and lost my favorite shoes on the walk back home
to georgia

       daddy said he didn't want me to come home
and momma' said she's leaving him for some other man
with more hair
   and money

and i,
         i've been waiting too long to see the sunrise
  it's been a few days since it's all really dawned on me

that

i

cant get away from
                  this
place.


i tripped on a pebble and broke my neck as i was writing this sentence
what a funny place the world is
when you see it
    upside down.


it was raining on
my walk back home to georgia
and i was running on exhaust fumes.
and might i say the condensation on car windows really does
come in handy
when you need to evaporate
from everyones elses
existence


please
just
don't shake your fists at god
when  i get home
and
leave footprints
on your canary yellow tile floor

i didn't mean to leave in such haste.
i'll tell you i'm sorry if that's what i think you want to hear.

just two thousand eight hundred and eighty seven more miles to go
and there will be
dinner on the table
when i get home
the legs wobbly  
and the floor caving in
and
that is how i will remember this place..

but
   mom made chili tonight

i hate chili
it
always reminded me of dog meat
and for that i curse this world.

You're weak
because you think yourself stronger than other men.

crawl back inside your ribcage
rattle your bones
and

**try to
breathe.

i love you a little if i love you means that I want to punch you in the face a lot

i see
the way
you look
at my
skin
and
the want
in your
eyes
consumes
me.

the city is on fire.
my photos are burning.
and all i can think of saving is you.

you aren't who i thought you were
and maybe that's what hurts the most.
vous êtes un ami de merde
(it means you're a ****** friend in French)
and i want you to know that
and so what if someday you're famous
so what if you dance
because in the end?
who's going to be there..?
not the girl you gossiped with between classes, not the boy you flirted with and are dating for the next week..
please tell me
what happens when your bones grow too old to dance?
who will be there to love you when your body doesn't move like it use too?
who's going to care?

So dear ****** friend, I want you to know one thing
instead of sticking around and just letting you hurt me again
I'm moving on
and if we meet again  
excuse my French
but
please remember

mal être mieux la prochaine fois autour de.



(I'll be better the next time around)

this isn't me trying to heal
from some pathetic broken heart
this isn't me in some sort of manic eposiode scrambling for my sanity
this isn't me trying to numb myself down so i don't feel pain
from something that happened ten plus years ago in my childhood
this is me now
these are the streets i walk
and
this is who i am

absouletley.
     positively.
    nothing.

I just want to know why
I was writing goodbye notes before I ever sent them
And if you ever saw the broken I love you's written on my smile.

i have a tumbleweed heart, by nature.
it's been this way since i was born
and the disease is incurable
there is
nothing we can do now
except say goodbye
to the person i once was that they use to love so deeply
whatever they saw in me is now swept
away
like the **** on your kitchen floor
whatever memories you hold in your heart of me are now gone
and in the garbage disposal
(somewhere right next to my heart)

it won't be long now
i can feel it taking over.

the winds picking up
and we both know
it's not going to take much to ******* away. from you.

my mind is revolting garbage
and it seems i have gotten under your fingernails;
and i know how this goes, you've been spending all night trying to get me out
and youve been pulling your hair
over the things i said to you...

i know that i make you sick
and no matter how many times you try to hide it
ive seen you on the bathroom floor.

when you kiss me i find my way into your blood stream
and I start attacking your pathogens..
eventually I'll shut down your nervous system
and end up eating away at your heart.

i know what i do to you.

it just who i am, it's just what i do.
don't take it personally.

so this will be the one and only time that i urge you to leave darling,
take what you need from me and go
i know i have already stolen too much time and too many years of your life from you..

don't you worry
and
don't you dare look back
ill be able to make due with my own company from now on and until the day i die

tell me you love me
give me a kiss goodbye
and save yourself

i understand
please
just

show me a bit of kindness before  you go
and before my bones pick themselves up and leave.
before i shed my shell.
before i die.


i just want to feel weightless one last time

before i destroy myself.

we are the uprooted flowers
the ones
left nameless

torn out by toddlers hands
to churn the dirt
and make mud pies..

and after the fun is done and the sun has set
we are
strewn across
the walkway
as if we never mattered to each other...

when you leave bite marks on my arms
they turn a little rouge
and i end up trying to convince myself that they say i love you
even when your lips don't
it's quite chilly out and
your teeth marks still trace my skin with little indents
and little bits of her all caught up in your teeth.

goosebumps

it is now December
and my
skin crawls like a shedding snake
it's snowing and the days are really quite short
but i still remember the way your hands felt

even after they were inside of her.

leathery.
callous.

shivers

there's some cocoa by the fire place for us.
and
i put my lights up this year
in hopes that maybe you would come find me and call my arms home
again.  

but you never even looked back

theres no such thing as being too far away
at least not in my book;
turn a blind eye to your feelings
and paint on a smile
because the world's a ****** place and there ain't nothing anyone can do about it.
I could run a hundred miles but I can never get far enough
you're still here, there, everywhere.
I'm out of breath by the time I see your face and I don't know if I should punch you or kiss you..
See, its that distance I crave
that dissociation from everyone
I want to wake up one day and not have to see your insufferable  face Imprinted in my mind.
I'm sorry I'm not sorry, but I think instead of an apology I'll stick with the *******'s
and go to hell's.
don't get attached to me not now not ever
And save your I love you's for somebody that needs them
Because you're going to wake up one day and ill be gone, or as some may call it.

**Free.

you
my child

you've embraced
this curse
that we've brought upon ourselves as a species.

you've become sick with greed.
your scales have turned Green
like the ocean of sin
you swim yourself through.

you swim with a different school now, "power in numbers" they say
but you had the power in you all along.

you just chose to deny yourself the pleasure of filling the same shoes (fins) as the rest of us.

you miss the days when the waters weren't sick
and the sun shown brighter
but you destroyed the world one step at a time
by conforming into what you're not.

It goes against nature
without saying
that
you
shed your
skin to be something as minuscule as
a minnow  

you sparkle
like the sun
kisses
the top of
the
ocean

and you give me sea salt kisses
when you say my name

but darling
as much as you may have yourself fooled

in the great blue,
in a sharks belly
in this shipwrecked heart


you
my child.

my little fishy friend.

you're still just like all the rest of them.

apathy in disguise
crept up on you like a spy
so little was the fight you put up.
though.
with those toothpick arms
and tired
eyes.

so simply
it
became you
.

everyone that is good
                 ^was
is dying

or is already dead.