the day someone loves me unconditionally,
perhaps like my cat does...
i will know that it's
REAL.

i smiled & he rubbed his soft fur against me.
i laughed, loud, cackling  — out of breath  —
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i screamed in anger, i cursed, i banged doors.
i broke objects & felt the anger move through
my veins.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i clutched my stomach, unable to sleep.
anxiety running at an all time high.
eyes blood shot from a lack of sleep.
a nervous wreck i was.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i paid no attention to him,
burying my head in a ton of books
in an attempt to see A's on my report card.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i grabbed a razor & let it get acquainted with my skin.
i let it paint streaks of red lines
& form a red waterfall down my arms & thighs.
i grabbed a bottle of alcohol & downed it in one go,
with a bunch of pills in my hands.
i looked at him & said, "i hope somebody takes care of you when i'm gone."
& he titled his head
& rubbed his soft fur against me.

perhaps we all once knew how to love like animals,
unconditionally...
but it seems the older we get, the more brain capacity we acquire
as our heart's capacity to love decreases.

the world is just so depressing.
so much pain.
so much injustice.
so much cruelty.

i wonder,
can my kids live in this world?

dear diary,

if i speak about the good **** in my life,

i'm "bragging" or i'm "cocky."

if i speak about the bad **** in my life,

i'm "depressing" & "negative."

sincerely,
i never know what to tell people about my life.

i
can
never
win.

The Earth is undeserving but the sun still rises.
It still gives life every morning and still gives hope and meaning to life.

It doesn't deny love because of the ***** skies or toxic air.
Instead, it gives it a second chance.
Give it all it can, every time.

The reason I try so hard is that humans need understanding for validation.
Human nature entails goodness.

I know you want to be better.
That's why I try so hard.

i was pretty with a great personality.
i was understanding, patient & kind.
i was a freak in the bedroom.




... but it still wasn't enough for him.


— signed,
never good enough.

our parents were broken by their parents
who were broken by their parents.




& now they break us.

there's only one reason why
one should not like reading...

you can't be apart of this amazing, fictional world
that exists in your head when you're engulfed
in a book.

you're stuck here in a
MONOTONOUS
reality.