There are still parts of me that don't
c
r
u
m
b
l
e
when my demons call my name.
Being ok is just a game.
How far can excuses go
until you pick up the stones you throw
How many lies will roll off your tongue
Before you stop playing with a loaded gun
How many tears until your fine
Darling where are you drawing the line
How many years until you're old
What memories are you making to hold
How many cars do you have to chase
Before you can draw the smile back on your face.
How many lonely nights
until you give up this fight.
How many scars until you realize
your not weak for closing your eyes.

Don’t love me.
Please, don’t love me.
I know myself, we’re quite close actually, and let me tell you, you don’t want to fall for her,
you don’t want that girl, I hate her.
I hate her because I know her so well and I know how horrible the truth can smell.
Don’t love me, because even I know to hate myself,
the vanity that despite this loathing I might actually believe that someone could fall for me.
Don’t love me.
Don’t love me, because I met Heartbreak once and she left me gasping for air
and I will never meet her again.
I refuse, so if you love me, please be aware that when you do,
some day I am going to leave you, battered and bruised, because
twisted self-preservation has taught me all the tricks to keep myself afloat by drowning you.
Don’t love me.
Because as much as I will love you, I’m not friends with Commitment,
and whenever I see him on the horizon I set off running in the opposing direction.
I will treat you like there will be no oxygen unless I’m holding you,
but when you’re the one reaching for my hand I’ll become the wind.
Commitment is not my friend, I said, but no one listens.
Don’t love me, because I am a tornado, a storm to chase until I’ve taken everything from you.
Don’t love me.
Someday, you will be married and happy, and I will
whirl back into your life like the hurricane that has never been named after me, and
you will believe that all your scars
and your broken heart
have healed enough that you can run with me.
But I have razors between my fingers and wedged in my teeth,
and your scabbed over heartstrings will be powerless against me.
I am an expert at running, at hurting, at ‘maybe’s.
Don’t love me.
When you ask me for something more,
I will tell you that I am not ready, because I never will be.
Chances scare me, and trusting someone so much will always be risky.
I will tell you that I am not in the right place for your Commitment,
for your future Heartbreak,
and you will tell me that you understand but you’ll stick with me,
and fire will consume everything.
Don’t love me.
I can’t even go a few years with a friendship before
burning it all for at least a few evenings, but we’ll always rebuild the
rickety ashes of the bridges we’ve passed.
Don’t love me.
I’m only saying it for your safety.

Most days I am sad.
Most days I am swallowed whole by my emotions; Most days I am consumed by the darkness.
But I cannot leave.
I am enamored of the silence.
I am obsessive about the sorrow.

12 Months
Spent trying to make you love me
For me.
The way I loved you,
For you.

12 Months.
You ignored me, and left me alone.
By myself.
The way I wouldn't,
Leave you be.

8 Months.
You've apologised for treating me,
So badly.
When I showed you the good
In yourself.

8 Months
Is 8 Months too late.
For me to forgive
The harsh words,
You threw at me

20 Months
Of hurt and heart ache
On both sides

So just leave me alone,
before I can admit
to you

and myself

That I still need to know you're ok.