Take my hand
Let's get away from here;
Let us escape the intensity,
That is reality.
Let us wander:
Into the realms of imagination,
The spectacles of fantasy,
Stopping not once.
To reach the light, we must travel through the dark
Past the broken hearts
Past the sorrowed days
The dark is immense.
Past the antecedent
We walk through the perils of life
Of love, if it exists,
This is an uncertain time.

At last, the light approaches,
We reach the area of escapism,
But alas it's tampered
With the remnants of solace.

I used to seek answers,
to unsaid questions,
to incessant ponderings,
of the world in which we live in.

I used to fill the world with my voice,
never stopping,
hesitating,
for my greatest fear
was something far bigger than heights;
it was the silence.

The illusion was unmasked,
and at once,
I understood
why those questions were left
unanswered.

And now,
I find myself basking in the silence,
breathing it in,
trapping the words inside;
leaving them to roam within the confines
of my intricate road map.

The silence assures me,
that underneath the tangle of human complication,
of man-made solidarity,
the world is still a simple
silent
place.

Disappointment
Is something that I have
become accustomed to,
daily life generally is.

Though, there is one thing that I
cannot accept,
cannot fathom,
cannot comprehend.

How is it that I,
portray images,
of people how I want them to be,
build them up in
frantic fantasy;
only for reality to shatter
each fragile fragment.

Disappointment
is something that I have
become accustomed to,
because I am it's greatest creator.

I was sad for a long time,
12 long months ticking by,
not sad all the time of course,
but the hue of my first year was definitely
tinged blue

I fell in love, carelessly,
but I couldn't quite let him in,
amongst the tears and the other boy kisses;
he just wasn't welcome in my heart
my head had overruled it.

And they say to you,
when you least expect it, it will happen
and it did
someone else came and kissed me better,
patched me up and
made my kidneys shiver

And now, I'm not sad anymore,
I am still lost and misguided for sure
but I have all of these lovely feelings
hanging above me like a starry night
And I am riddled with cliche,
I want him and only him;

this is an ode to sadness,
for it treated me well;
it taught me to let people in,
whilst maintaining a cynics heart and
a fickle brain.

this is an ode to sadness,
I am just sorry to the boy I loved at the wrong time.

Carved insanity,
Etched deep in the mind,
Darkness reigns.

Shattered tragedy,
Fragmented a thousand different ways,
Pain glistens.

But also,

Clarified simplicity,
Weaved intricately,
Beauty clings.

Confounding happiness,
Overshadowing all else,
Light illuminates.

I wish there was a way
to deploy the emotion,
let it tumble from my ragged chest,
let the world fight my sorrow,
my tainted facade,
my lonliness,
my separation,
In the hopes of closure:
The chance to stitch my chest
And once more
Make it whole

Who knows (cares) if they entangle themselves with the right person:
No one ever pays real attention to the cards they've been dealt;
They merely focus upon the strength of the hand,
They simply look for a way to win, or to hold on at the very least -
For in the end it does not matter
whether the stars have all aligned,
as you only need enough light to power the moon through to sunrise

You swore you'd always be there,
That you'd never change,
Psychotic delusions,
playing through my mind -

You promised it would never dim,
That you'd never seek the darkness;
Remnants of a past self,
haunting through my soul -

You forgot, of course,
That you were me,
And I am you;
We are just different forms
Of this one particular life

You should remember this:
Life is but a story,
retold and
replayed ceaselessly

And it's okay to constantly focus on the road ahead
Whilst relying solely on your past self,
As long as you remember that they
are entwined.

There was once a girl,
And she was loved by all,
and she was beautiful,
and she was young. 

There was once a girl, 
And she was innocent, pure, 
and she was honest, 
and she laid bare all. 

There was once a girl, 
And she was beautiful,
and she was unaware, 
and she was filled,
plagued with insecurity. 

There was once a girl,
And she was pensive,
and she was overlooked,
and she was numb, 
she was broken,
yet she was still young. 

There was once a girl,
who lived a life of battle,
who drank for the pain,
who swallowed for the suffering,
who jumped for the isolation,
So that she wasn't a girl anymore.

my lips pressed into yours drunkenly,
i pretty much stumbled through the kiss -
i didn't know whose lips where whose;
mine had lost feeling many hours before,
i just remember being close, then being entangled,
tequila kisses are the best kisses

you showed me a four leaf clover,
'budapest,' you said as though it meant something,
you were kind,
I was inebriated
I wanted to keep you a secret, I was playing games and it was
insane,
each covert kiss was more tantalising than the last

thank you for showing me a four leaf clover,
thank you for pushing me away,
thank you for being my escape for a just
*a little while

And in the beginning,
there was hope,
there was innocence,
there was fearlessness,
Uncontrollable naivety of youth

And then - as the path of life twists in a labyrinth of mystery;
there was the fear of the unknown,
there was the loss of others once deemed vital,
there was the darkness cast into the sunlight -
The weathering of life had begun

And in the end,
there was sorrow and regret,
of actions not taken,
of words unsaid.

And there was pain,
For in the wake of destruction,
There was a replacement of hope with anguish,
of innocence with weariness,
of fearlessness with danger,
Uncontrollable transformation: as from caterpillar to butterfly.

I was struggling,
to feel
inspired - for so long
I was unable to form words;
coherent sentences

Then,
suddenly,
I became over-whelmed with incessant emotions
of albeit incoherent ramblings

The cause,
why of course -
it can only be
attraction
I'm too afraid to call it love

Torn, conflicted
Split in two

One half,
Awed by talent,
Impressed with skill,
Dismayed through maturity,
clouding my judgement

The other,
Transfixed,
Lingering emotions,
Pangs of jealousy surging,
with the signs of his distaste
He is the first,
the only one of any worth

I started off unable to write -
with a lack of inspiration
Now I am content with my inspiration
of emotional turmoil

I've not been myself for a while,
had my heart
broken y'see;
It was a little while ago now,
the pain has faded,
it merely ebbs now and again

I've not been myself for a while,
it changed
me y'see;
I pieced myself back together,
best as I could,
but cynicism still spilled
into the cracks

I've not been myself for a while,
totally someone
new y'see;
there is so much that I want now,
so much more than boys or love,
I'm hardened to all that

I've just discovered myself,
I just realised a second ago,
I never really went away,
I was just concealed under the surface,
waiting for life's little pleasures
life's little happinesses,
to pull me through,
out of the ever-ebbing darkness.

Pray,
Take thy faith and
Place it in me;
Give me your devotion
Call upon my doubtful mind
Direct me unto peace
For I am faithless.

Plagued
by the incessant beauty
of the moonlight;

Delicately destroyed
by the unforgiving kindness,
of the stars,
who continue to flicker
no matter what they face
when our back's are turned.

It is the beauty
and the kindness
of these things;
that make me weak,
for in beauty,
and in kindness,
there are no faults.

i did something stupid last night,
i ****** myself in
to an intangible web,
spinning itself only in
to destruction

i know i did something stupid last night,
i listened and i spoke honestly
(***** does that to you)
i told you, your face is pretty
and i made sure you believed it.


i know i was stupid last night,
i must have been pretty ****
dumb
'cause you entrusted me with something
something of broken innocence,
and i cannot
let it go.

Quiet,
Everything's so silent,
Eerily so 
Silence creates 
Mystery,creates fear;

Alone, 
Isolated by my being, 
My persona shatters,
I am not who you thought
I am much, much worse

Derived from insanity, 
Carved in imperfection,
Encased in pessimism,
Warped with confusion, 
I am done.

Love is flung around,  
Everybody says it,
Everybody wants it
not me.

I don't want love,
Love is ephemeral,
Love is invasive,
It pushes everyone else away,
Makes you feel invincible,
Before ripping you apart,
Leaving you desolate and isolated,
With the remnants of your former self.

It's only now,
that I can see the
emphasis; that has been placed
upon the negativity
within our lives

We're so often
infatuated
with other people,
and their powers and thoughts -
as though they are of
greater significance to us

Perhaps we had better,
take a step back:
glance over the large issues
pay attention to the subtleties
of unnoticed beauties;
to value ourselves,
allow ourselves to be more than
mere consequence,
to become a true soul,
holding just as much
importance -
beauty

How do you express,
that you constantly feel lunar -
amongst a sea of sunshine,
constantly bathed in their beauty,
constantly seeing their potential,
never quite making it

How do you explain,
that you feel like the remnants of
a something great,
the afterthought of a Dicken's novel,
the fading light at the end of a play,
the deleted scene of that 'classic'

How do you speak up,
when you feel like
you're just never going to be considered
no matter how hard you try -
that you're always going to be lunar
without any hope of ever shining through

make it stop, please,
for I am running out of time,
I am losing all abilities,
to control my petty mind.

shut it down, I ask,
with total earnest,
for I am disillusioned,
by the extent of the wreckage,
within myself.

end it all, I pray
to anyone who will listen,
for I am not sure who is even there.
    and thats the point, I implore
    I am not sure,
   who is there and who is not,
   what is real and what is misguided fiction,
   who I am and who I want,
   to be.

make it stop, please
for I am running out of time,
I am losing all abilities,
to control my petty mind.

There was once,
a friendship bound in four,
entwined with trust,
fueled with love,
compiled with ceaseless chatter.

  Once broken,
Each bond shattered
beyond the point of rectification,
There could be no going back.

             And yet, at one point
                    or another,
                          they each pined
                                     for their remnants of youth.

Reunited only once,
A friendship loosely tied,
Stilted -
Ceaseless silences,
Entangled in doubt;
tainted with judgment,
Refracting the similarities of a friendship,
once bound in four.

I honestly do not
know, how to feel;
how to think,
how to see clearly:

because, it was unfair
and unjust,
incomprehensible -

and worse still,
there is nothing I can do,
to prevent the pain from
inflicting everyone else.

I guess if I knew what I'd wanted then,
I wouldn't be in the mess that I'm in now;
tangled in barbed wire hearts and broken
shells of promises never kept.

I guess if I had just decided back then,
to stick to the plan
to keep my heart closed off then,
I think I may have been alright and I
wouldn't feel this intense chill
through to the ends of my bones

I guess if I could have just stayed away,
remained strong as I had for all those years before
then
you wouldn't have left me curled up waiting for death
with arms wide open,
as though death is the final relief
and not plagued with regret

The heart does not ask pleasure first,
It does not crave the feelings of passion,
lust or desire

The heart does not ask pleasure first,
It is not considerate to the essential realism,
The morale of the mind

The heart does not ask pleasure first,
Instead it seeks only to be felt,
Whether it be pounding
or merely ceaseless ebbing

The heart does not ask pleasure first,
It asks for pain, for despair,
for anything to provide a reminder,
that it is always there

maybe I don't want to fall in love,
and maybe that makes me a cynic -
but it is better that
than to risk losing the most precarious thing of all;
myself

the only real commitment which
I desire,
is to myself;
I never want to feel replaced
by another  temporary soul
a mere wanderer

I am a cynic,
I want good things to happen to people who deserve them,
I want to see humanity show kindness to one another,
I want animals to be treated fairly and with respect, not murdered mercilessly for our food, clothing and entertainment,
I want war to be a vacant memory,
I want the homeless to have shelter,
I'm naive.

How can I be both?

I naively ignore the contradictions of myself
I don't believe in love, I am closed off,
I can't let good people in,
and yet it is so evident that I want that for everyone else.

You do not say my name anymore;
It's as if I've dropped off your radar -
The two syllables which form my name
Erased
As though if you don't say it,
I'll cease to exist

You do not call my name anymore;
Although I am ever-present -
I do not intend to
Disappear
Even if you won't say it,
I'll not cease

You do not want me anymore;
And it's there that you have lost -
In order to repel this fickle heart,
You must crave it
With total earnest
And sincere desire.

I know what I did now,
I can understand it.
I know why you don't look at me now,
I can see it.
I know why we are broken now,
I can't fix it.

I can feel the gravity of grasping your heart
and pulling at it hard and fast;
reeling you in and turfing you out
unintentionally cruel.

People speak of heartbreak often; I am no exception
except this time,
it is me that is the cause
Funny how it takes hindsight to realise
how terrible humans can be to each other,
especially when they think
that they're acting
out of love.

Everything seems to happen
to everyone else;
relationships form and
break apart,
dreams are achieved and
shattered also -

yet, I am left,
overlooked,
cast aside -
the spectator.

I can never understand,
they think,
she's not be trusted,
they envisage,
just leave her to the side, she'll interject if she wants to
and I never do, not anymore.

because,
I am nothing
I am merely a reflection for everybody else
to glance at once
in a while.

Smothered
by encompassing feelings
of doubt
and scrutiny -
knowing my failings,
losing my successes,
I'm struggling
to know what's
mine
and what's not
I'm trying
to be the best I can be
to rid myself
of the selfishness
that I hold
to be content
with my lack
of substance.

It's as if everything begins
To
      Click
Into place,
Once the sun goes down
And each and every star appears
In a cloudless sky -
For it is then that you become aware,
There is always beauty staring upon us,
There is such significance in the simplicity of life,
Such sanctity in the minor embers of grace

It's as if everything begins
To
     Dawn
On everyone,
When dawn is as far away
As the moon -
How quaint.

There are so many things happening around me,
People are living their lives accordingly,
And they seem to not struggle,
Or falter.

I always have something to say,
it's what I'm known for,
I speak with ease,
with fear,
with anger or frustration,
with anxiety.

I always know to speak,
whenever,
with whomever
I may come across -
even though it's true,
I sometimes struggle,
to stop
the words
as they tumble from my mouth
without a second glance.

I always want to write,
to use those words to
create pictures,
to allow interpretations -
alas, this seems to be the
sole time
that words
fail me.