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Two days is a long time to have you back in my
digital life, and I don't know if unblocking you
is even worth it.

Because I'll be too scared to look at who
you've become, but I know you'll see my
existence in it's entirety.

I'm afraid of you, love.
I'm afraid of your love.
I'm afraid of love.
I'm afraid.
Once I had a garden,
built to spite my constant gloom.
I planted hope and happiness,
those seeds will never bloom.
I had hoped that all the rain,
would see the ground be rich.
But it seems my little cloud
has only proven to restrict.
Now within my garden,
but one lonely flower grows.
The oddest rose I've ever seen,
with petals made of bones.
 Apr 2015 Ashley Rodden
Pax
Unlucky
 Apr 2015 Ashley Rodden
Pax
Lucky are those who have found love
and been loved.

Lucky are those who bear the gift of face.
   Easy is for them to find an easy case
            for their own taste
     - a goal for their own base.

Lucky are those who has an outstanding confidence.
For by it, they don’t live with a doubtful fence.
Freely as they get any wants in their existence.

I give away smiles, pieces of my lies,
        pretending not having rainy skies.
Hiding my Breathless sighs.

Sometimes I am like a rock
   too dull to feel, a surface too rough.
A sense I lost, an unreachable core,
I don’t know how to love anymore.



*© 2014 Pax
to simply say: "I am just unlucky in terms of love"


First of all I want to give my special thanks to all my friends who supports me not in my writing but the me who is inside in every piece I penned. To all of you, it let me believed that I should not give up on love, with that it is enough for me to stay positive… hopeful for someday someone will come and bring spring to my 'cold landscape', bring light to my 'unglowing star' and a home that I could finally call my own to stop being the 'passerby'...

....
I remember
waking up with your blue eyes
staring at me,
an endless ocean of love
I didn’t quite grasp.
Every time you came close,
I couldn’t help
but drown in uncertainty
until those eyes were weathered
by my constant storms.
Wading through a sea of souls,
I often wonder if I will ever
stop seeking those blue eyes.
There's no greater love
Than that of a mother and her child
Times that by three
And the maternal instinct goes wild

To not be around what you hold dear
Can tear your world apart
Distance and no hope brings a tear
Ripping out the motherly heart



I miss them, truly deeply madly
They're my whole entire world
I need help to even see them again
One baby boy and two big girls

Their daddy was never truly a father
But now he's just using them to hurt me
Keeping them away, tearing them from my arms
Telling me I HAVE to just sign over custody

I want to fight this, I want to hold them every night
But no lawyer I can find is willing to help for free
I feel so lost, hopeless, like I'll never find a way
So, I'm putting my pride aside and asking for help with my poetry...


http://www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5
I'm not only asking for financial help, moral support and advice can help too.

PLEASE CLICK THE LINK
Share my story, help if you're able.
THANK YOU all for any help or support.
 Apr 2015 Ashley Rodden
Just Melz
If you accidentally
             fall out of love,
Do you just dive
                back in head first?
           Feet first??
                     Eyes closed???
        Cannon ball????
             Or
Do you walk away
       Cause you can't swim
And you're scared to death
                   of *drowning?????
I don't know the answer and I'm not sure what I'm even asking..... Enjoy.

Comments welcomed and appreciated.  
      Thx

http://www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5
I'm not only asking for financial help, moral support and advice can help too.

PLEASE CLICK THE LINK
Share my story, help if you're able.
THANK YOU all for any help or support.
 Apr 2015 Ashley Rodden
Chris
>

Another rainy morning spent staring through
a wiper smeared windshield
hoping to beat the next light, no such luck
When that song, our song or what used to be our song
sneaks in through these worn out speakers…again
and I listen…like a fool…again
  
The emptiness returns full force and I feel sick
It happens every time and every time I sound like a broken record
“Turn the **** thing off”, my mind shouts at me,
but still I am unable to hear over the singing sadness
and the sound of my heart breaking all over again,
God I’m pathetic

So here I am heading to the station earlier than usual
at least the traffic isn’t so bad, I guess because roosters can’t drive
Who schedules meetings this early in the morning?
Obviously someone unaware of the benefits of a good night’s sleep
Well look there, maybe my luck is changing, a parking spot right up front
But still, I have a feeling this is going to be a bad day

Ducking from the rain I pause at an advertisement for the rail line,
“Where the hell is the sunshine and blue skies that poster is showing?”
I think as I enter the car and find a seat, which wasn’t hard,
there are only three people on here at this hour,
two old ladies dressed for church or the doctor
and a kid with headphones, sleeping, now why didn’t I think of that?

I pull out my notebook when I see her hurrying for the already closing doors.
I jump up and hold them open so she can enter.
She is soaking wet, but ****, she is drop dead gorgeous,
dark hair and beautiful light brown eyes, she looks up and says “thank you”
with a smile that melts me right where I stand
“My pleasure” I answer as she takes the seat across from mine

She opens her ipad, I pretend to look at mine, but can’t take my eyes off of her
Now engrossed in whatever she's reading, swiping a finger across the screen  
and then that smile appears again, I can barely breathe as my
heart tries to beat its way out of my chest. Dressed in a black skirt and top,
she looks like she’s just stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine…
“Oh crap, she just caught me staring”

I quickly glance down to her ipad then back up to her gorgeous eyes.  
I feel like an idiot, or worse. When she giggles and says, “Poetry.”  
“Poetry?” I ask in a voice stuttering from embarrassment
Waving her device she replies, "I’m reading poetry, do you like poetry?”
“Umm, yes, I, uh, do like poetry.”  She pats the seat next to her and says,
“Come, sit here. Let me read you one.”

Maybe this day won’t be so bad after all…
Just a day dream I was having. Thank you for reading
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