I'm lying in an empty bed that seems to get emptier with every moment I stay lying there. I do not dare get up because I feel lost in my own sheets and so I pass the time by talking to my ceiling. The walls start to sweat and my floorboards form fault lines because every story I've ever told them starts with an "I feel so ******* empty" like an abandoned apartment building that no one wants to live in and ends with an "I don't know if I'll ever stop". Will I ever stop? Sometimes I watch the moonlight pour in through my blinds and it binds my hands together and my lungs start to freeze and I miss you. It's hard for me to look in the mirror now because I don't recognize the eyes staring back. It's hard for me to hold someone now because everything I love is everything I lack. You left, you didn't die. But it feels like a part of me did when you slammed the door and didn't look back. And whenever I look at the cracks in my ceiling I remember how you told me you wanted to fix mine. I hear the sounds of distant car engines and I still feel the walls sweating and I miss you I miss you I really do miss you. I'm all alone and this doesn't feel like home and maybe it never was but maybe you were. I guess maybe you might not have been. There.

It's not that I am afraid of commitment.... It's committing  to the wrong person, that scares me.

Well ****.
I wrote something.
Something long and great about who inspires me
The people who have encouraged me through this life time
And I asked. . . .  at the end of what I wrote

Who inspires you?

Now I'm not much of a religious person,
but I know a sign when I see one.
I went to add the (Poem)
And somehow pressed something that sent me back to my homepage
Imagine that.
I was so ****** because It was so long and I hadn't written it down
So I didn't bother trying to write it again because obviously HP didn't want me to
I'm laughing just thinking about that.
Life finds little ways to ***** you over
Or to let know when you're being stupid.
Maybe both.
Whether or not you decide to take notice is your choice
But anyways
I just wanted you to know it was a great poem
Well I thought so(not)
Maybe send a little prayer to heaven about it later.
(Im just kidding)
Seriously,
Those who can find happiness In the darkest times
People who can fall to hell and then climb back, are inspiring to me.
They're stronger then most and an inspiration to many.
What about you?
Who do you find inspiring?

Like stars
we rise
we shine
we flicker
we turn
we blaze
we burn
we die
we fall.

We live
with mystery,
untouchable
but beautiful.
The energy
we show, misunderstood
except by our creation.
Dwarves compressed by pain,
displayed in open sky
where we hide
all but what we think is light.
But life is in the dark
between us all.
Somehow we see
like stars.

We had to grow up and pretend
like there aren't any of these problems
burning onto one's soul, eating at us

like fire around a coal;
Judgement and disbelief
are among my greatest fears

yet are the subtle expressions
of this fickle palimpsest, composite
of our longest years.

Thought I was creating something,
Detailing feeling and knowing,
Dedicating experience and growing,
Thinking of something better than me
in the hopes that it would better me.
I am not ashamed of myself-consoling poetry,
I had to try, that's all I ever meant by it.
If anyone should notice, and gods forbid they do
actually read this, then I'll admit it: I am Mydriasis

you are desperate to become
the stranger you used to be
except i know your
heart better than i know my own
i will paint you
the insides of your soul
tell me where
the strokes are not soft enough
tell me where the colors
are brighter than you are used to
tell me where you see
yourself
do you know who you are?

Holding out to freedom
made a slave to intuition
I ran down the truth of love
and grasping its fullness
with a mind weary with death
I began to sing from my heart
of life living stronger
as each eternity unfolded
we touched what's deepest
in the black forest of doubt
a light shone the way home.

OF all the souls that Angels create,
I have been blessed with one -
Who kindly opened his gate,
To shine his Morning Sun.

Of when that Time was -
I hearken to his gentle hand,
And it's beckoning applause,
Written in the sand.

Of the warring on that front,
I take the Banner of thee
And after Love's stunt -
I'll drag it down with me.