you're trying to blame me for what happened between us, saying i broke your heart, but don't you remember? the last time i saw you, you told me you'd give me space, but the only space i wanted was the universe within your mind.

i have a fear of being alone
when all i do is push people away
i'm afraid of living in an empty home
but i'd destroy a full one anyway

i
am
so
washed
out,
but
i'm
still
not
*clean.

loving him was like loving a hurricane when you're afraid of storms.

if you say, "i'm right here."
when i tell you i miss you
one more time
i'm going to place my hand on your chest
just to see if your heart is still beating.

i bet twenty dollars that it's not.
i bet thirty that it is, just not for me.

if you say, "i know."
when i tell you i love you
one more time
i'm going to dust your heart for finger prints
to see if it's still mine.

i'll get a CAT-scan of your mind...
just to see if i'm still on it.

i'm tired of playing "go fish"
so i can guess what you're feeling
"got any love?"
because lately you won't show me your cards
but i'm pretty sure you still have my heart.

i look at your internet search history...
just to see if you're still looking for ways to make me smile.

there used to be something here,
alive and blooming and present;
it was beautiful.
the same way my mother's favorite vase was,
until it fell off the shelf and broke.

i check your mail box,
just to see if there are any love letters that you forgot to send.

there never are.

She stood in the middle of the courtyard
Her arms outstretched, embracing life,
What little she knew of it.
In the rain, she let her bonds fall to the ground,
This sense of freedom, if only for a moment,
She wanted it to be her own.
That brief time, between fearing and dreaming,
She let herself loose.
As the rain washed the blood and the mud,
Her soul needed the cleansing, she thought.
For the first time in years, she chose not to look for scars,
She forgot the pain.
In this big house, she was a prisoner.
Prisoner of rites and beliefs,
Of men and patriarchy.
And only when the rains came to visit,
Did she forget the cruelty and the evil.
Only then, did she believe of balance and equilibrium,
Only then, did she wish for rights and freedom.
In her dreams she saw a much better world,
Outside these four walls.
And in those dreams,
She wasn't a prisoner of fate or creed,
She was a woman of no fears.

"We're all made of stars.",
He said.
Isn't that beautiful?
You and I,
Specks of dust and gas,
Floating around in space.
Before any concept of love,
Even evolved into existence,
You and I,
Were still spinning around
In a burning star,
Call it our own little dance.
And as we collided,
That essence of your particulate nature,
Embedded into my own.
And through eons of time and space,
Every bit of me wanting to reach out,
To you.
Maybe that's why it feels right,
Everything we are
Or could ever be.
You and I,
We are made of stars.

This night,  these stars,
This breeze, that embraces my heart,
As it entwines with every fold of my skin,
Oh,  how I wish it was you, rather,
Here,  holding me in your arms.
May this wind carry my longing,
To where you are,
And find you in all earnest hope,
Wanting the same,
And hear my song as a whisper in the night.