Dear community, I have lied to you.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’m okay.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’ve had a good weekend.
Dear community.
Maybe I felt that I owed you a happy face.
Or maybe I thought I owed you a simple laugh.
Maybe I wanted to be like everyone else and fit in like the last piece of a puzzle
Maybe I wanted to blend in, so I kept my true thoughts under a muzzle.
Dear community.
I wish I could tell you why.
But the truth is, I’m an average guy.
Maybe that’s not what you see.
Maybe it is.
But with every word I speak, I die.
The worst thing…the worst part of it all is hearing the voices.
They talk with a quiver, shouting at me.
They yell: Insults and lies as they dish out torture.
I wish I could tell you that the house I live in is not my home,
But I’ve grown to welcome the pain for it suits me well.
With every fist, every tear, comes a new revolution
Spurring up like a fairy tale
With no happy ending.
the sheath of fate.
The sword of pain
They hurt me like a gun shot wound to the chest.
Well my dear community, I wish you the best.
But as we all know, suicide is not the answer.
See, I’ve been inside a dark place for many years.
I know what its like to be truly afraid.
I know what its like
To be in a place that feels so ugly, so shifted.
I know what it feels like to say, “wanna see a magic trick? Watch me disappear!”
But I cant. And the reason is her.
She keeps me safe.
Her love provides a boat when I’m drowning.
She makes the light when I’m in the dark.
I love her MORE than life itself.
She keeps me alive.
But the other reason is my future.
I don’t wanna think about the things I might never see.
But once the fog clears I see the reasons to live.
Life is a powerful word.
It brings so much.
And if you’re anything like me,
You can’t stop crying.
But, child, pick up your face.
Bring yourself to feel again.
There is a light.
I promise.
I found that light.
Now all I have to do is reach it.
I will grasp it with all my heart.
With all of my soul!
I promise things get better.
So dear community.
I really should be thanking you.
Each and every one of you.
I want you to know how you saved me.
I want you to know how every smile I’ve seen here gave me hope.
What I am really trying to say is,
Dear community, thank you.

I want to tell you things
Things that might sting
I want to let go and fall
But you're holding me and all

You kept me sane and harmless
But I can't prevent to be careless
I love you, always
As a friend of course

I'm sorry for ending it
Our friendship that lit
I'm sorry for being a failure
But you'll always be my treasure

Maybe one day
We'll see each other
Staring at one another
And we'll have nothing to say

Things aren't meant to be permanent
And everything will have a dent
I'm a **** up to leave
I'm sorry please believe
lexy.

go ahead and take my voice for truth
lighthearted fantasies of what could be
scathe or vision with the empty touch of honesty
reaching out through emotion and words alone
never feeling so much of what we'd like to know is wanted

impossible to deny the interpretation
raw with passionate dissonance
and it is sought without moving
stagnant with patience
a belief that something more awaits if taken, the leap

and we speak in the night together, alone
we seek each other out time and time again
but logic has no home here
mired with a false fate but never empty with hope
something we see inside ourselves and each other
agonizing lust and passion creeping through the cold
trying to find a fire for the spark to ignite every intention
and the heart chokes on the meanings of it all

instead we settle to constantly move together
seething motivation through desire
the fear of regret thick in the blood
the heart pumps harder, quicker, hotter
treading on, constantly seeking, hearing, knowing

coloring empty pages of a book neither of us have read
with a sincerity we have no privilege to own yet
and our conversations flow like a stream of heart and mind
carrying us further past the point of no return

the waterfall echoing in the distance with raw reality
exuded from nowhere we expect to see ourselves
but the aching desire to embrace it all rocks me to the core
and I am ready to drown in it all
just to know exactly the meaning behind every word we share