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  Jul 2018 Anndreana Brooks
Cjf
Depression isn't always hidden cuts underneath sweaters. It's not always sad music & rainy days. It's sometimes the girl who's always smiling with the sad eyes. It's your friend who always has a joke for you. It's the thin line between insanity and being too sane. The ***** of your mouth that doesn't curve all the way into a smile when your thoughts become to heavy for even the hundred of muscles in your mouth to upturn. It's driving a car at 130 miles per hour and wondering how it felt to hug a tree, a numb pain that you can't feel, buts it's everything you feel. It's alcohol going down, down, down until your feelings are higher. It's medication, it comes and goes, always lingering like your allergies on the first day of spring
It's dedicated to you, seeping into your bones like the poison you take up your nose to drown out the inner demons
It's toxins slowly spreading and dissolving your strength and making you wish you weren't you
Depression isn't always black and white.
It's the brightest of teeth that flash the friendliest smiles; sunshine and birds. Because depression doesn't discriminate appearances, she doesn't care who she overcomes and overthrows. Her victims are her best friends and she's patient and she'll wait until your very worst day to come throw her arm over your shoulders and pretend she's there for you, feeding herself with the way your feeding into her shadows.
Depression is everywhere
Anndreana Brooks Jul 2018
My anxiety shows the real me
My Anxiety Shows Me The Real me Ill Never Be Perfect ill never be cute ill always be alone i will always be a nobody See my anxiety shows me the real me
everytime i see my arm i just see my past and you can say thats the real me my anxiety shows me the real me  and ill never understand and ill never ask people dont understand me they quick to judge in see the non righteous me they see the rumors they see the lies but nobody ever ask me for the truth im always being judge base off my branch and not my roots but blame my anxiety it shows me the real me
Anndreana Brooks Jul 2018
The truth
18 Years of pain , Neglect depression shall I go on ? THE TRUTH . Finally I found my purpose,
I found my happiness THE TRUTH
. See with happiness you got to learn how to keep it . You got to grab it and never let it go . Even if destruction try and ****** it you got to set ******* boundaries and say no .
Because as kings and queens THE TRUTH We get manipulated THE TRUTH We sometimes see other things that we might think may enhance our happiness but instead it’s destruction with a disguise THE TRUTH As kings and queens we sometimes become foolish blinded by the good looks We unknowingly give our happiness to destruction bringing back . 18 Years of pain , Neglect depression shall I go on ? THE TRUTH
Find things outside of the pain .. history repeats itself we got the power to change it
Anndreana Brooks Jun 2017
I believe certain pasts don't give choices on what you become . they mold you into what they want . taking your freedom away . sometimes a moment stuns us , hurt us and  in birth us sometimes a moment hit you so hard it feels like tens and thousand's of cars just ripped you to sherds and teared you apart .I see the world as a symptom . a sign of the existence of something, especially of an undesirable situation . you must realized the prison of yo mind to escape it At Times Yo Mind Might Have Yo Back Against the wall in you sitting with a razor trynna decide in find ways in distractions of ways not to end it all if you need violence to find ideas to end it all then **** yo idea its worthless because you died when you knew you had a purpose the purpose is not dying its the fact I'm ******* trying ... I'm trynna find my way out anxiety and depression won't get out the sorrows in my head got me chained up , cut up I'm trynna run as fast as I can but this beast under my bead keeps getting inside my head telling me everybody wishing I was dead that the cuts not deep enough the cries not loud enough the screams not heard enough the **** not getting me high enough the pills not taking me out fast enough I take the gun load it up wink at the beast in whispered good luck
  Jul 2016 Anndreana Brooks
s
you
YOU destroyed me
you shoved a knife in my back and didn't care when I screamed
I put needles of color in my arms
I chopped my hair
Dyed it black
Because you made me feel like ****
You made me feel like death
I need someone to pull out this knife
I have to sleep on my side now
The sharp edge scrapes my spine
It's infecting my head
You left
But your scar tissue will live on
I am glad you're gone.
I don't care anymore
  Jul 2016 Anndreana Brooks
s
I wanted to numb myself.
Read the panic in my eyes
You should be pleased.
"Please speak to me"
The walls tumbling down.
I nodded goodbye.
I didn't matter.
I wasn't going to hang around.
I headed for the door.
"Wait"
This was my first attempt at black out poetry and I really liked it so I typed it up.
Tonight, I spoke into the darkness,
No stars to light my way,
       The black void all encompassing

   My words drifting up in ribbons,
          I waited for something, anything to happen

              I felt a rumble that was akin to ripples emanating from a drop of water hitting a puddle

        I was small next to the impossible,
And when it spoke back, it changed me
      
        The blank canvas of stark black was pierced by blades of light,
    The sky becoming a shutter in a rain storm
           Blowing open and closed
       The words came and wrapped themselves across my body in its entirety
        Constricting my air flow

             I felt myself shatter
  An implosion of feeble glass
       Ricocheting through a skeleton of paper, reflecting the brightness above inside ripped skin

                I was nothing.
                I didn't exist.
                I floated in an incomprehensible place that had no end, no walls

     No ceiling or floor

            Just illumination in every direction

                    I opened my eyes
  
    And was blinded by an incredible radiance

      I shut my eyes tight and swatted in front of me
        My hand struck something metal and I yelped in pain
          
          I shot up and stared downward
    Towards the desklamp unplugged on the floor
        
          Breathing heavily, I sat upright in my bed,
                 *Struggling to pull away words that had already sunken in
Writer's block
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