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I sit, listening to you talk about
our hair brained scheme
to make me a writer.
All you do is support.

Every phase meets your unwavering love.
No fear in my latest poison being forever.
No scolding me
because you worry
I'll never get better.

Instead you proof read,
plan,
love,
and support.

Never do I feel as if my failure
would cause you to be
disappointed
in me.
Never do I worry
any success
would make jealousy burn
between your ears.

Instead you listen,
you love,
you cultivate.

I am not a thing to you,
I am a small sapling
you water,
and trim the dead parts off of.
I am an investment,
you already accept
an unknown ending to.

To inhabit the space  within
oneself,  to such a degree
that the skin, thins itself out

    in order to leave  room
    for that which is  to occupy--

An indwelling  
of self,  to such a degree
as to stretch the skin
to full capacity..

    leaving no room  
    for ambiguity--

All cells and atoms, within
now  fully occupied,

   fully inhabited

by the most beautiful  
form of indwelling  of all--


   That,  of the self.


She is ghosting me
I ask her why
She says, "Because you're so big."
I don't know what that means
"Whenever you come in,
you fill the room..
there is nowhere for me to go
no shadows for me to hide in
You walk in and they all go away."

Ok.. so why ghost me?

"My silence is the only thing
I have left  to hide in."


In my love for you, my beautiful
that is the service I provide.


.   .   .  
Access into fullness, comes only
by facing the pain--
it is suffered, into.
Grace   buys us time
for to become  able
to  take  Love  in.
Truth  is the green
umbrella-like canopy-covering
that makes possible, growth..
for  all  jungle inhabitants.
All.
.
i have been trying to make
peace with some things
i have been trying to
let go of lately
i have held on so
dreadfully/delightfully
to the essence of all
that becomes you
it sits in my heart
the place i go to
when i think about the end
a rocking chair on a quiet
porch
this momentum will
last forever
you’ll have the version of
me from last october
until loyalty becomes
a conflict
i want shared custody of
the versions of us we bore
together

Subdued,  into a constriction;

Young  adolescent spirits
were meant to grow..

meant  to  breathe.

The "Fires of Hell"
are the doings  of man
based  on the fears of man

and the need to control.

Little child,  running wild
"Forever"  is a stick
to beat you down

(Until the  wild  within you
no longer  makes a sound)

It is for Freedom's sake
that you have now  been
set free,  child

.       .       .

  In the "name" of the Father,
  you were first
  thrown to the ground


Yet..  it is  
in the Name of the Father
also

that Love came to town.



Ice,

Your only rivers run cold
These city lights,
they shine as silver and gold
Dug from the night,
your eyes  as black as coal

Walk on by, walk on through
Walk 'til you run
and don't look back
For here I am

Carnival, the wheels fly
And the colors spin
Through alcohol
Red wine that punctures the skin

Face to face
In a dry and waterless place

Walk on by, walk on through
So sad to besiege your love..

So,  hang  on
https://youtu.be/CEgxfUoquYU

<3 <3 <3
.
Phthalo blue
You know I loved you

When the stars came out
And you painted them,

And when they disappeared
You left with them.
Love sick
Withdraws come on quick
I’m a fiend
I’m an addict
It’s just another bad habit
My addictive personality

Within  the stability
Of a late-night bed,
    thighs part fully
from words  given..
    Words, sent

Hands  on curved hips;
*******, to bare chest..

As the daughter  of Light
   is lifted up

there is an Entering

In Seed-splashed egg
a  New Beginning;

Chains  of steel
  falling free
within  the warmth
of   each  new  Pulsing

(there is the  sound of Ecstacy
on the  inside  of the door;
on the other  side of it--
the forever-harsh  clank,  
of judgement)


turn off the light
take a deep  breath..

   and relax
https://youtu.be/xhuFX9InMQA


notes:

"The fiery stuff of all my ability  to will seethes tremendously, all that I might do circles around me, still without actuality in the world, flung together and seemingly inseparable,

Alluring glimpses  of powers flicker from all the uttermost bounds:

The universe is my temptation, and I achieve being in an instant, with both hands plunged  deep in the fire,
where the single deed is hidden..

the deed which aims at me
   .. now is the moment."
    ~M.B.
We knock on doors to find if there is someone on the other side.

Lately I've heard knocking.

Desperately wondering if I am still there.

But I haven't responded in the fear of having to admit that no one's here now.

No one is behind the door anymore.

I am just a voice.

And there is nothing left to look for.

Just an empty room and a body.

-Percy
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