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Alex Smith Oct 2018
Who have I become recently?
A person who subjectively
Falls apart,
Or has objectivity
Become a lost art?
I am unable
To make moves
And to get better
On my own.
And people know this.
So I have faked this
False happiness
Long enough.
Let’s going back to crying
And suicide
And wanting to die
Because it seems like
That’s what I’m good at most anyways.
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Am I really unproductive?
I guess so
So maybe that’s why
I eventually become boring
And annoying to people.
Because as amazing and creative as I could be
I am still unmoving and unwilling to change.
And I am not productive,
So I know I won’t do anything in the end.
Oh, so that’s why they all leave.
It is a reflection of me,
A mirror on everyone else’s face,
A gaze into everyone else’s eye
And then I see
What they see of me,
And what I am is a
Boring,
Lazy,
Crazy,
Kind of guy.
So that’s why they leave.
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Why am I here?
Oh God I shouldn't be here
Oh god I should disappear
Oh God why did I reapper
Oh god don't let me get close
Oh **** I won't get near
Oh God this is weird
Oh God let me leave
Oh God this place isn't for me.
Oh **** no one is talking to me.
It's because I'm crazy
And that they don't like me.
What is going on with me?
God is not used in a religious way. I am not religious.
Alex Smith Oct 2018
I will tell you something about
Best friends
And good people:
They just don't exist.
And sometimes
You are the worst one.
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Pit
Love is the pit
I find myself in
Too many times
To be forgotten by another
Who probably didn't deserve me
Or maybe I didn't deserve them:
Friends
Lovers
Family
I don't.

Love is like a pit,
And I slipped from the edge.
And when I fall,
I fall hard.
Meh
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Sweet bitter tastes touch my tongue,
Turning knots of nothingness.
Regret, relief, repose, rewind-
Take a poison-
Ease my mind.
Calm me down now.
Soon, there will be no pain.
Little toxins leak tenderly
And I feel better.
These kind chemicals
Was over me
Like a wave of pure water-
Droplets fall from the skies:
My eyes.
Cries, and sighs.
Breathe a last breath,
We are all ok.
Take this vegetation,
Take life away.
A nightshade salad,
My perfect deadly nutrition.
Swallow down those berries,
Eat the flowers and leaves.
My favorite plant
Will appease
The emptiness inside of me.
Deadly nightshade-
Belladonna.
The purple beauty of
Dreams of death.
A metaphor using some of my favorite plants. The nightshade family is known to have very beautiful and very significant flowering plants. They are incredibly resilient as well and can grow almost anywhere. The only problem is that they also can be deadly. It's an interested and beautiful duality.
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Cruella de Ville
Is a devil,
And still,
I am dishevelled.
So maybe I’m evil
With atomic bombs
Of explosive excited
Anger.
And pain.
And fading away
Everything that I saved-
All my intelligence
That once stayed
Is going to lay
Around and waste.
I am dumb for this
I put up with this
I am a curse-
So feel my poisonous kiss
And become tainted too.
I am evil-
So don’t let the evil get to you.
Just what goes on in my head sometimes when I feel bleh about myself.
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