I would say my bed is the only place
I feel at home anymore but
You are still haunting my dreams
I want to unlace you from my brain,
and rip every stitched piece of you out of
my heart
until red reflects everything,
Like neon street lights,
I want to ask you in the sweetest song
your ears have ever heard
"What does it feel like to be in love"
But my hands shake at the thought
of you not saying
"It's hand crafting every star in the sky to bring out your smile"

There is a part of me
In the middle of my chest
Surrounding my center of gravity
That wants to write you out of my palms
For the hundredth time
And
Tell everyone in the world but you
In a collection of sentiments and drug induced nightfalls
My exact and precise emotions

There is a part of me
In the back of my head
Next to all of my memories
That begs for the erasure of your name
For the thousandth time
That pushes me to write down how I feel for the times
I forget that I loved everything poisonous about you

That I make art and I do it for you
And I can't sleep anymore and I do it for you
That every word I drip onto paper I say it for you

There is a part of me
In my fingertips,
In my stomach
That hurts to be natural
That hurts to go this distance
That hurts to write one poem about you
Where I dont come up on the losing end
That waits for your touch
The words I know you dont say for me

There is a part of me
In the front of my brain
Behind my eyelids
That remembers your apathy
That soaks in your words and
Refuses to settle within me in fear that
This repression will spring to life
And I will spend my nights in the echo of your words
Letting it scratch into my skin
Letting you scar me

It balances
With the part of me in my ribcage
That opens and closes for you like
A white picket fence
That does everything for you
That watches me listen to you
And fade in and out of consciousness
That remembers your antidote like a phone number
That silences the rest of my ******* body
In the hum of the drunk times you've told me
This time will be different
This time I will love you

There is a part of me
That wants to eradicate the existence of you in notebooks
In sentence structures and walls of words

And it strains against something that is not a part of me at all
But surrounds my body and pushes against me like gravity
That keeps you trapped in the center my palms
Against my skin with no puncture wounds
It flashes your face every time I blink
And I havent figured out how to free myself of this heart crushing weight
Than to write that

My body agrees
Loving you is not worth
All of this pressure

I want you to understand
that I turn everything that matters to me
into an item of personification
I want to scream to you that
when I see your hands stretched out of the car window,
I need to capture that exact moment and
turn the contrast bar all the way up
I thank whatever is above us that you can't feel the way my heart beats
and that I can't ever express it correctly
****, I'd love for you to be able to feel things
Just as deeply as me and
the knots in my stomach are a constant reminder
of the *** holes in the road
As if they are screaming at us
as we drive over them
I hear them all night long, however,
I cant seem to focus on anything but the *******
contrast bar

And suddenly
I was captivated by how he held his steering wheel
I was blown away by how the shadows of the passing streets lights
made themselves home on his skin
I wanted to be home on his skin
I wondered what it felt like to be embedded into the cracks in his hands
Actually I wanted to be a small molecule that belonged on his fingertips
Even for just 2 heartbeats
I just wanted to place myself over his chest
And for a few seconds my life would be completely in my hands