The hour changed today.
I'm thinking of how time's changed in memory.
The person you knew last January is not the same person who’s writing this.
The person I knew last January is not the same person i’m writing this about.
I won't hold it against you that you don't feel the same way anymore.
I lost my patience.
You told me you hope I don't regret my decision.
Only to change my mind.
My sorry wasn't enough to rewind.
Time had passed.
It's been enough.
Nothing can last.
I'm running out of time.
I'm still not patient.
Though, all this time,
you're still the only one on my mind.

I wanna do more with you.
And I wanna be more with you.
I wanna feel more with you.
And I wanna see more with you.
I want more of you. I want you, you, you...

I don't know what you said but it sounded important.

I know you're tired of me
And it must be because you're constantly
running through my mind.
I'm sorry I can't catch up.
I'm not falling apart,
I'm falling behind.

It was always that simple.

I couldn’t be so simple.

Simple enough, I miss you

in an, oh so, complicated way though.

Stay this time.

I’ll go wherever you go.

Never known what a goodbye was until I was too close to a fire.
Not in the same way I burned your sweater.
That didn't matter,
it didn't make it any better.
But, in a way where I felt the burn and stinging sensation in my eyes
and all I wanted was to pour water into it
to take out the fire.
That must be what it's like; for all those goodbyes.
I felt a familiar spark
like that night, as I left your car in the park.
You told me you couldn't have me in that way.
Those words burned me;
it stung me that I could no longer stay.
Who knew that night would be the last time I saw your face
and the last time you'd see mine.
I have never known what a goodbye was.
After all, you never once gave me the time.
You'd leave and you'd come
as you please.
No goodbyes or welcomes.
No hand waves or begging on your knees.
I have never known what a goodbye was,
so I never did let go.
But now I realize that goodbye
was hidden in everything I know.

It's almost two years since and
everything still hangs in my mind
like laundry on a clothesline.
All this time, I've been trying to wash away the dirt
that you've left behind.
But stains like blood aren't very easy to hide.
I wish I could still say I know you--
I wish I could know you again.
But you no longer fit me anymore;
our history has shrunk.
Besides, it wasn't much to begin.
I'm ready to fold you and put you away.
There is no reason to keep you
or for you to stay.

She said, I love you, sometimes

I hate when you cry

Never have I met a man

Who wanted so badly to die.

I told her, I don’t know what to do

My earth doesn’t rotate without you. 

Never have I met a woman 

Who I wanted so badly to dig into.

I know she doesn't like me.
I know marriage together is highly unlikely.
But when our stars fall onto the ground
I know with open arms
she's waiting to catch them all
and pop them right into her eyes.
Shimmering me with hope
I'm buzzed with lust
Not everything that falls resembles tears and cries.

I’m missing something,

She said.

A piece of you

The part that wants to be dead


I say,

My dream, it’s all in my head

This is all pretend.

I can’t imagine an even duller life

Without her.

I can’t imagine if she found a better lover.
Secretly wish she’d **** herself with me.

Together we’ll land

SPLAT

from the highest building in the city.

She won’t cry with me

She won’t die with me

She doesn’t love me

Although, sometimes I don’t love her. 

Yet, I can’t imagine if she died.

I can’t imagine if I actually pulled the trigger

Together, while she backs out
at the count of three.

I’d say, the voices told me to do it

I want to be free. 

After all, baby, I always promised you a land

That’s for only you and me.

The loneliness kicks in
I’m back to the start.

I’m still aching, in my poor little heart. 

Remembering her embrace

And how I ruined her always.

Maybe I never deserved her in the first place.
I was more drawn to my sadness

That I couldn’t seem to manage

Her at her worst

And see she, too, is damaged.
I told her,

To me, love’s never been as simple 
as four letters

I can’t even define it
****, not with my life.

Not even if you paid me a million and two cents.


Told her, 

With you, things make more sense

A lot more than in my head.

You can simplify it for me, can’t you baby?

Simplify love for me in bed.

You see, she's never loved anyone before. 

Not her mother nor her father.

When I asked her why, cold

she answered,

Why bother?

She said, I love you, to an extent. 

Just as long as we pretend

I’ll always be with you

Until the very end.

You’d wake up before sunrise
because you said you couldn’t sleep.
Not that you liked watching outside
nor the light creep,
and you certainly were't interested
in watching the earth bloom.
There was nothing magnificent enough out there
nor in the bedroom.
You couldn't speak to me; said it was too early.
"There's no place like home."
"I've got to get out of here."
You swore to yourself you'd be gone
by the end of the year.
So yes, it's my fault, I can't be what you need.
I can't compare to the beauty of what your reality seeks.
Then I guess i'm not meant for you;
I'm not your friend
your addiction
nor as strong as your ****.
The sky was inadequate
without the stars;
nothing compared to the way they gleam.
But you’d say that I’m the one
with no dreams.

You were both hell and heaven
Fire arose within
Every word you said, every breath taken
was passion
and heat
Like the kind we shared between the sheets.
But there was hurt in your eyes
You couldn’t imagine being a sinner
Every night,
You lay by my side
I told you I was no good.
You told them “there’s nothing I wouldn’t give her.”
For a second I thought I was being saved.
It felt religious believing with you
Courageous game, but we still played.
It was a dangerous world for us fools
Every piece of you was lost in a prayer.
My love for you was The Enemy.
And, my love, He was cruel.
Tears streamed down when I speak,
with my palms together,
I knelt down and repeat;
This man is a soul
I am nothing but a body
Never met a god
This life has been sold,
Never to what I thought.
I’ve lied in bed with what scares me most!
I have sinned, I have sinned!
But please, hear me out, first—
with a benevolent grin
He took me in—
Don’t forgive me, father
I’m a sin.

I'm ready to come home again.
Please let me in.

Tell me i'm worth keeping around.
Tell me i'm worth every step.
Tell me i'm not mediocre.
Tell me i'm not someone you regret.
Tell me you're not tired of me.
Tell me you'd still care about me
even if I slip away.
Tell me if you even want me to stay.

I didn't know how to tell him he hasn't been my everything
in a very long time.
That I had found a man
who I can actually call mine.
My own--
The way he's had his own woman on the side.
The truth is, both our places have been replaced on the throne.
He was no longer my king.
I was no longer his anything.
I haven't been his for awhile.
And he hasn't noticed I've been gone.
Nothing could bring me back, not even that dazzling smile.
And he hasn't noticed everything's wrong.
He no longer phones me yearly for an invitation inside the newly aged me.
We have disconnected; no longer "we"
He's let me go; let me go to be.
Has he not realized he has lost me?
To another man whose arms let me in since I've lost my home.
The best I've discovered since being alone.

I still don't know if I should tell him I won't be returning any longer.
Sorry to tell him that another man has made me stronger.
I know he'd understand and he'd be so proud.
I'd like to thank him for what I have found.
He's taught me a valuable lesson in who to become.
I haven't written to him in months,
thinking about him has become numb.
I hope this is the final letter
To wish me to get better.

I'll tell him, my new man, all about the one I carry deep within;
how he was
my soul
my home
my truth
How I could have loved him; I never loved him.
He'll never be the man who's kept me up for so long.
But it's time to move on,
for he's now to whom I belong.

*So, darling, i'll bury you deep.
All mine to keep.
I'll keep you safe.
No one else can take your place.
Light of my life.
Forever I'll stay true.
Don't worry about me.
I'll never forget you.

But just maybe by then i’ll be north and you’ll be south
just how we’ve always been on different paths
but somehow ended up at the same place again and again.
Meet me in Amsterdam.
When you’ve toured every major city
and I’ve seen enough landscapes.
Would you spare a week from all of this and escape?
Just to feel like we’re sixteen again
when we planned that we’ll do this one day.
We said we’d live.
I know you said a lot of things.
Yeah, so the future didn’t turn out the way we hoped,
but i’m hopeful that one day you will
Meet me in Amsterdam.
Where we’ll experience night, day, and beautiful weather.
See and do all kinds of things together.
Where we could pretend we’re in another universe
Where we ended up happily ever.
Where I could finally say goodbye to you forever.
Maybe when we leave, I’ll go north and you’ll go south.
Or maybe we’ll somehow end up at the same place.

I am the wind that can carry you, but won't let anyone ******* away.

I feel that I love you.
Carelessly, selfishly, incautiously.
I don't need walls to protect me.
I'm armored down to my soul.
I'm so wrapped up in you.
And I still feel whole.
At the same time,
I feel that if I lost you,
I wouldn't feel lost.
If you could never love me,
I wouldn't even feel loss.
I can live without you
Though, i'd rather not.
I feel that i'm me when i'm with you.
Yet, I don't even know who I am.
I want to find myself with you.
But I don't need you to hold my hand.
The thought of loving isn't scary
when it involves you.
I'd like to think that i'm ready
even if i'm not quite sure what to do.
Maybe it's because I'm not scared
of what you'd do to me
or if I see myself in you like a mirror.
Perhaps it's because loving you feels sure; right now, right here.

All I know is that, I never want to one day look back and think, "once upon a time," about you
Because I want you to be my "happily ever after."

I don't know why I did it/ There are people angry at me for things I didn't do/ But when I stop giving a ****, they ask me why don't I care/ When I try again, I'm told that i'm not trying/ I know what it's like to ruin yourself just to be noticed/ I know what it's like to dig yourself deep just to convince everyone you're not doing so well/ I know what it's like to find comfort in that hell hole because you know you won't be able to find that same comfort in an alternate situation/ You might think I found my answer, but i'm really still questioning myself and my next move/ I don't know why...

I just want to die

With or without you by my side.

I’m tired of running away

And I've ran out of places to hide.

So from here on out,

I accept that I am invisible.

I no longer have anything to say.

If you happen to feel my presence,

It’s just that i’m thinking of you.

Don’t bother about my existence.

I’m a blurry image a part of your memory.

Orange sunsets, burning hues, are you mine?
I lay across your lap, drunk and heavy
filled with sweet pink wine.
Spring is near, our bodies are closer.
Church bells ring; I pray for you.
Baby's got something to show her.
Some kind of summer in his eyes.
I can't shake this feeling
he's telling me lies.
This rainy weather's got me feeling blue.
As winter ends, I'm still thinking of you.
Dear, let's get out of this mess before the seasons change
and so does my mind.
Love letters from across oceans;
I'm sorry for leaving you behind.
But you let me go first.
Over and over again,
Yet, this time's the worst.
If you meet me again,
let it be before the shaky leaves, cold dirt, and hazel vibes.
I can't bear Autumn arriving and falling for You again.