I want to tell you
that I can do without you.
But I'd be lying.

he was smart
and he was kind.
but what i failed to realize
was that he was blind.

blind to my words,
and blind to how i felt.
he couldn't see how what he was doing to me,
was tearing me apart.

she was a mess.
but it was okay
because no one could see
her internal clutter.

but then he came around,
and soon he was her morphine.
he became her stars,
and her sun.

and no longer
would the mess inside
take over,
not when he was there.

but soon,
the nights were too foggy for the stars to appear
and her words would form waterfalls
cascading down into the depths of her heart.

soon,
the moon would fall in love with her sun,
and the clutter inside would only grow,
blocking any light from creeping in.

too soon,
the mess would be indestructible,
and too hard to hide.

and now,
there was no one to stop it.

if you asked me
to be with you again
i’d say yes
in a heartbeat
thats why
i shouldn’t be your friend
i would always be hoping
one day we’d make it work
and that’s not fair to me
i should be allowed to get over you

s.s

i have worked so hard
all my life
to please them
yet when it comes to my happiness
feelings
opinions
views
it's all judged and scrutinized
if it doesn't mirror their own mindset
it's oppressed
and i'm the one getting pushed down
for the way my mind works
or for how my heart yearns
and i'm fed up
it's like ripping the petals off a flower
because it wasn't your favorite color
when it bloomed
i want to be happy
with their consent
instead of faking it
to please them
i want to live my life in light
rather than their shadows
i want to try my best
and it be good enough
rather than always being
flawed

s.s

i should have kissed him
last time i saw him
held on a little longer
grabbed his face
to look into his blue eyes
i should have hugged him
and soaked up the love
breathe in the scent
with my face buried in his shoulder
stared a little longer
at his perfect smiling face
but i didn't
i didn't and now its over
and i wish i had

s.s

i can’t write about what it feels like
to run my fingers through your hair
or feel your hands on my skin
(no matter how much i want to)
i can’t speak to the softness of your lips
or what it sounds like
when you whisper my name
(no matter how much i want to)
i don’t know what the skin on your hips
feels like after you’ve showered
or what it’s like to wake up
to your breath on my shoulder
(no matter how much i want to)
i can’t write about the feeling
of our skin
soft and rough
holding hands
(oh god, i want to)
i can’t write about you
in anything other than the abstract
no
matter
how
much
i
want
to