"You're gonna get sick and weak if you don't eat."
But what if I already am?
These emotions have consumed my heart entirely.
I cannot tame this feeling,
     but I can control everything else.
Being skinny...
     bones are considered beautiful,
     food is the enemy,
     muscles are weakness,
so the fruit in my water is not to be consumed,
     but only to be tasted.
I have begun to become so numb that it has spread to my physical
     self.
Unlocking my front door this morning...
     I could see it unlock and open,
     but I did not feel it.

Be cautious
Be weary
Of the **** victim who doesn't like to be touched.

I mean she likes to be touched but
Not in a certain way or
Not on a certain day

Be weary
Be cautious
Of the **** victim who has flashbacks of the "incident"

"Why are you crying during ***?"
"Are you okay?"
"Why do you want me to stop?"
Because it's my body and I said so,
Because it's my body and I said
STOP

Be cautious
Be weary
Around your new "**** victim" girlfriend
Making sure if it's okay to caress your body every time,
Being gentle enough to not trigger another panic attack because the last one was bad enough...

Be weary
Be cautious
By showing support,
Not by trying to fix what can't be fixed.
By listening.
Not by saying you understand because I doubt you were a **** victim too.

Rest in peace to the girl who couldn't live her life the way she was supposed to because she was too busy being the **** victim...

We all lose ourselves,
Somewhere at a certain point in life,
Life at that point seems very different,
It's complicated and difficult,
But what you must know is,
A storm passes and so does will these days,
So don't stop moving and believe that you deserve better,
If you do with all your heart,
Know that the storm has already started to fade

sneak into my room
and crawl into my bed
you are tired
and i don't want to be alone
in the morning
we will leave in your car
you drive
while i look at you from the passenger seat
you like when i take photos of you
but i'd rather write about you
remember that parking lot behind the abandoned convenience store

i left home without telling my friends
they don't get it
you're always tired
and i have to fend for myself

i open the glove compartment of your car
a stack of photos
poems are written on the back
you remember the parking lot promise
the last photo is of that night before we left
with only a caption
"i don't want to let you down"