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alena Aug 2014
To be
Or not to be

That isn't the question
To be here, to be there
To belong
That is the question of life

How to belong
How to feel
How to get there
How to remain
Those are the questions

Life is about belonging
You have one moment in life
Where you know

You feel no different when the day begins
But after it occurs
Whatever it may be

You know where you need to be
For the rest of life

A pull from deep in your chest
Lets you know it will never be the same
Behind your lungs
A longing wraps its self around your very spine

You know from that moment
Any work necessary to feel that way again
And everyday
Will all be worth it

To be without that experience
Is never to live

So where should you be
Rather Be- Clean Bandit feat. Jess Glynne
alena Aug 2014
I've always said
I have the opposite of an addictive personality
If I have something I enjoy
I lose interest
I ruin and quit things intentionally

But since you I've realized
I'm addicted to a lot of things
worst of them being
unattached

I hated everything I ever defined myself by
I would catch and release more than a fisher
I was addicted to breaking hearts
Addicted to heartbreak
Strung out on pain

Until you
Now you have me recovering
And it should hurt
but my heart pains
only when your away

Now I'm just like another recovering addict
but I'm still addicted
to you

And my addiction to heartbreak
to pain
to unattachment are gone
the zealousness
for everything I was addicted to
is 10 fold but in you

You are the worst drug for me
but yet your the best high
I want to be on you for the rest of my life.
my heroine- the maine
alena Aug 2014
Life finally decided it wanted a fair shot at me
It got me all alone
In the tunnel I was travelling
heading towards the light, of my future

Life took my family from my side
chained them on the walls of the tunnel
holding hostage
slowly suffocating them

I was torn
stay and try to help
or leave... and definitely help

Life took the light at the end of the tunnel
snubbed it out with one blow
and handed me the candle
smoke still rising from the wick

Life took my wants and dreams
that I carried in my pocket
crushed them in his immune hands
and put them in his endless pockets

Life hit me
hard
in the face
wrenched my heart from my chest
took all my air
and made me watch as he swallowed them
he took my supports
and I crumbled
but when I looked up
through bruised and teary eyes

Life was dangling new options;
new people
new love
a new future
in front of my face

Life thought that he could taunt me
That I wouldn't get up
That I couldn't get up
Life didn't know after I got up
I'd hit him back.

I now know what I truly wanted all along
I may not know how to get there,
because it ended up my tunnel is a maze
but I will.

because life taught me;
I didn't know what I wanted,
That I can do it on my own,
That I don't have to be alone,
I am no bodies responsibility but mine
That when you have something you want...
you fight...
And when people, even family say you can't
you never ever let them be right...
I'm a lover but I've become a fighter because of it...
alena Aug 2014
Numbness
Its my companion
Feelings are unnecessary

So why would I give you leverage
I can break my own heart
I'm actually quite good at it

I've done it for years
So I can recover from myself

I've never had someone else break it
I never let people
I run them off before that's an option

I have a two month max
and I like being numb after
My face
I cant feel it smile
and I cant force tears

Liquor was my saving grace
but you
You have ruined it all

I want to run
but im so numb with feeling
I cant move my feet
I try to break my heart daily
because of you

I cant bring myself
out of the rut you've put me in
I smile whenever you are around
but hurt with miles between
I cant stand it

But I think I adore you
I want you to give me a reason to run
but you don't
you wont let me break my heart
I should have ran as soon as I saw you
but I want to feel something
anything

and now I do
its so foreign
a numbing tingle
you have awoken my heart
and it yearns daily

I'm so used to not feeling
you make me feel and I cant handle it
I want you to make me numb
but yet I want you to stay
because I feel...
I don't want to go back
to being numb,
to heartbreak that doesn't hurt
I want you
you make my bones ache
you make my heart burn

so don't leave
you would break me
tumbler girls

— The End —