I’m sick of being told what to do.
I’m sick of these nightmares that remind me of you.

I hate the way you look at me when you’re around.
I hate it when you slip your arm around my neck without a sound.

I want to tell you to go away.
I want to tell you what I’ve wanted to say.

You had to force me in a corner and trap me there.
You had to make me kiss you and you thought it fair.

When I backed away you pulled me in.
When I was scared of you I let you win.

It was you who asked me what happens when love forsakes.
It was you who asked me how it felt when my heart breaks.

In my dreams you’ve killed me with poison and knives.
In my dreams you don’t care how slowly you take my lives.

You can not come to me and say you miss me.
You can not tell me that without me you can’t be free.


I won’t let you destroy my life again.

...I won’t tell you any of this because I can’t let you in.

I refuse to beg, and yet refuse to believe
That such emotions can so quickly leave
From pure hearts and longing eyes
That swept me away in complete surprise
I hate, I writhe, I love, I long
For the only time I felt so strong
For what I lost with what I gained
Even the moments in utter pain
Over a perfect story that can’t be writ
For the perfect match, the perfect hit
That I never want to find again
I just can’t, I won’t, see other men
Yet you’re gone and in such a blaze
Leaving me dead and in a daze
Oh why oh why oh cruel time
Did you make then cut that delicate line
So that a time of gifts, love and good will
I can only want to find, cry and ****
**** the fate that gave him to me
Only to take him back so cruelly.

Spill. Spill. Wilfully ill.
Thrills till we're full with our fill.
****. ****. Skilfully drill
A hole in the day for the chill.

I don’t belong to anyone.
I’m not something to keep.
I’m not something to throw away.
I’m not anyone to seek.

I’m tired of my heart
Left in shattered remains on the floor,
So I’m here to tell you all
That I’m not going to do it anymore.

I don’t want every song I listen to
To be a painful memory in my heart.
I know what I want to do now,
But doing it will be the hard part.

I won’t let anyone in.
I’ll lock myself with a key.
I put the **** switch on my heart.
This is a promise everyone will see.


I’ve loved three people in my life.
That’s not really a lot.
But my best friend said
They were all just things I sought.

That hurt more than anything.
To me it wasn’t that way.
That stunned me when I heard it from her,
I didn’t know what to say.

I will speak the truth now.
It’s something that I’ve recently learned.
I’ll say it because, if you are reading this,
It is something of your concern.


The one that I loved first
I still love to this day.
I hope that he’ll be with me once again,
And “I Love You” is something he will say.

Though I am worried that I messed it up
And the chance is forever gone.
He hates me because I hate him
For something we both did wrong.

I could never hate who he is,
Just the things we did.
We kept on pushing to the point
Where it was him I hoped to rid.

If only he had stayed the same
As the man that I once knew,
Maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today.
Maybe “us” wouldn’t be something I rue.

The second one that I loved
Was more confusing to me.
My heart was unsure of itself.
I was unsure of who to be.

When the first was a prison cell
We shared love for one another.
We were each others' escape.
Now I love him as my brother

Because fate had plans for us.
It has plans to this day.
So, my first grew jealous
And took my second love away.

I was angry and buried in the ground.
I didn’t know what to do.
My thief was my world at that time.
He was the only one I knew.

Time went on and I grew up,
I laugh, or so I thought.
I told myself I wouldn’t love again,
I’d leave my heart to rot.

But when it comes to my heart,
It is carefree and foolish,
And when a third person entered my life
I was off again before I even knew it.

He was different from the rest.
There was something in his eyes.
One thing that caught my attention
Was that he wasn’t filled with lies.

Time pushed forward
And he became a friend,
He became someone, I thought,
I would know to the very end.

He grew closer to me
And found for him it was more.
When he told me he cared for me
I found myself on the floor.

I told him I cared for him,
Which I did, but not the same.
I ended up digging in the ground-
Digging for my old name.

As we were together
I found my love actually grew.
In the end I fell for him.
In the end I fell hard and true.

Though I was still in a game.
How could I be so naïve?
Everything changed when I found
It was time for him to leave.

I smiled and said goodbye,
Waiting it all through.
I guess this was just a test
To see if any of it was true.

I guess the test won
And at one point we both lied,
But when he told me it was done
I was the one who cried.


Now I am writing this
Telling this to you:
Every little thing can change
From everything you knew.

I am left with my second,
The one who was always there,
Even when he was gone.
Even when our feelings didn’t share.

I don’t love him like he does me.
Right now I don’t need to.
I don’t want my life with him,
Like the first, to be something that I rue.

Maybe when we’re older
Only if it’s true, he’ll be my only one.
But right now all I can say
Is with love, I’m completely done.

I don’t need someone to love.
I’m stronger now than ever.
I have truly grown up this time,
Something I thought I would do never.

I don’t know what will happen with my first,
Something we’ll just have to wait and see.
He just has to come up and say
That we were meant to be.

Then, I’ll smile and say, “Okay.
But my heart doesn’t have a beat.
If you really mean all of this
Then you’ll have to wait for me.”

Then we’ll see if he meant it or not,
If we can survive each other through the years,
But let me be the first to say
That I’m done with shedding tears.