My grandmother always told me that
I had to watch the words leave me mouth because
I am a pretty girl and we do not say ugly words.
I’ve always had to take caution with my voice.
When I was walking down the hallway in ninth grade
A boy called out “Hey yo, nice ***!”
And when I whipped around,
I resisted the urge to call him a ****
Because I wanted to be a pretty girl,
I have always wanted to be gorgeous and
I can’t say ugly words if I’m going to be.
When I was waiting in the vice principals office,
After my “best friend” stuffed a letter into my locker
She called me a ****, a word I’d yet to hear,
And made me feel like I didn’t deserve to breath
Because I was just a *****, right?
The ironic part is she’s still the prettiest
Girl I’ve ever seen, who used the ugliest words.
When a boy who must have been 12 years old
Called out to me “Hey, yo, girl, come here”
As I walked across the parking lot,
Garbage bag in hand and I had to tell myself
That the appropriate response wasn’t to
Call him a ****** but to ignore it and walk faster
When love came towards my head
Just barely slow enough for me to move
And the words “What the ****” caught in my throat
Because I still needed to seem pretty
Even when my body was shaking,
I couldn’t say ugly words, or I’d be ugly too,
So I just stood there and waited for
The shaking to stop in my bones.
I have always wanted to be a pretty girl,
And pretty girls don’t say ugly words,
Right?
~Sylus