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Ramblur Playfool Oct 2016
I try to shelter you broken bird within my palms,
but I cannot heal you.

I try to heal your broken heart before it turns to ice,
but my heart forever burns you.
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2018
There is a girl, a lady in truth.
She's quiet, cute and beautiful in the wildest way.

But she is asleep, wearing a white night gown with white above knee socks, the gown semi transparent with its leaves and flower patterns.

She is half hidden by white sheets.

There is a guy, a man in truth. He's tall, and dashing with quite the mischievous twinkle to him.

He is awake staring out of the window at the light rain in this dark clouded morning, he's wearing are a pair of white CK underwear and above ankle socks.

He stands with one of his hands on the window, another holding a glass of whiskey.

He can hear her slow breath, the sound of her moving beneath the covers, the sound of her skin as she slides over the silk sheets.

He can feel desire rising, he's heart beat increases as he stops looking outward and focuses on the reflection of her in the window, her left leg exposed, her gown holding on to her curves in the most sensual manner.

He should be tired, well he is, they've had a long overdue encounter.

It started the moment they met again in that quite care next to the bookstore, with autumn colours dancing about.

From the bathroom in the café, to a hidden corner in the bookstore, in the back of the car, to the kitchen in the loft, to this room of white furniture, dropped on a floor of timber. Surrounded by exposed brick walls and the view of a city across side.

He moves back to bed leaving his whiskey unfinished.

It begins with a slow caress of her cheeks with the back of his hand, a resting on her hips.

Her eyes flicker open and she smiles. "Morning" she says. "Morning" he says.

She glances to the view.
"It's raining" she says.

"Yes" he answers simply. "it's been raining awhile"

He stares in her eyes for a moment, and seems to drink her in with his, not the stare of a lover glazed over, an intense stare, a hungry stare, he stares deep into her, he sees her wholly and strips her bare. There is desire in those eyes.

He bends over her and kisses her neck, while sitting right next to her, he stays there, 4 heartbeats, her heartbeat quickens. He can feel it through her skin.

She rolls onto her back. He moves to lay in between her legs spreading them apart with his knees, and slowly lowers himself on top of her.

Her ******* have pushed her down above her curves exposing a shaven ****.

Their lips touch, slowly at first. Quickly they fall into it, his left hand on her right thigh, his other hand entangled with hers above them resting amongst the pillows.

Their breathing deepens, few chances are given to catch a breath, their lips are locked with their tongues singing a symphony between them.

She grasps his underwear, gripping it just under the small of his back, exposing his rear in part. Her other hand is spread across his well muscled upper back, her blue nails biting down, causing five small dimples.

"More" she whispers. "Give me more" she says with urgency.

He strips of her night gown, her, his briefs.

And pulls her socks of while kissing her inner thighs. He pulls off his own, and again lays on top of her.

Again their lips lock, a heartbeat only. As they lay atop another with the slightest pause, a gazing in each others eyes as he slowly slides his **** in.

She's tight but wet, and he edges deeper in, his member questing deep within.

She moans as they both close their eyes, ecstasy causing a slight tremor through them.

They catch a rhythm slow at first, but they are both eager. "Harder" she whispers. "**** me harder"

He answers with deeper thrusts, faster and harder. She moans softly into his ear, her nails digging into his back, her legs across his waist urging him on.

His hand is gripping her thigh with strength, his other against the back wall as he thrusts quickly enough for the echoes of the impact to lie within heartbeats.

She wants control, she flips him over, grasp's his one hand above his head, his other grasps a breast.

She's on him now, her hips moving forward to back, or in circles. He can feel the hunger in her, in the strength of her hips as she moves, in the nails on his well muscled chest as they dig into him.

They begin to sweat, pillows and covers finding their way to the floor, pushed aside in the mad dance.

He rolls her over, moves her hands onto the back wall with her on her knees in front of him.

He wastes not a moment, immediately thrusting into her from behind. His hands gripping her waist, thrusting deep into her.

She moans loudly, the sound of flesh meeting flesh mixed in with heavy breathing, echoes through the apartment.

"Yes!" She screams. She can hear his whispered panting. They both begin to slowly tense, her back arching backwards, his forwards as he pulls her towards his chest, his hands gripping her *******. Her hand finding the back of his neck as he thrusts into her still.

They approach the ****** fast, loudly calling each others names.

They tense, loud gasps escape their lips. They're coming, him into her, her ocean and running down both their thighs.

Held at that point for the space of a second maybe 3, they slump next to each other panting.
Ramblur Playfool Oct 2018
You laugh at my childish jokes
I grin at your well intentioned insults

We flirt, we walk, we eat, we chill
We spend all our free time together, smiling

We talk about everything and anything,
Past, scars, ***, dreams, drugs, school, work, hopes, fears, stars, people

We spend, morning, midday, afternoons, evenings, nights

We see sunrises and sunsets

We'll joke about getting into a relationship
We'll tell everyone we are just friends
We'll do everything together
We'll do everything that doesn't matter together

I won't tell you how I've lied about the women I've slept with

How they have been so many I don't want to remember them
How I've lost even the memory of love
How I can't seem to figure out what it takes to trust someone else
How I am lonely every moment of everyday

You won't tell me how terrified you are of what we are

How you can't stop yourself from crying yourself to sleep
How your past lovers scarred you and left you bleeding
How you just want time to move and forget today
How you don't want me to expect anything from you

We'll lie there naked in each others arms
Breaths and heartbeats slow
Both having nightmares featuring each other
Both desperately trying to love

I'll wake up and go home, open a bottle of wine and drink it all in less than 5 minutes

I'll write your name on loose pages that I'll burn later on, and try forget I ever wanted to love you. I'll go to the gym, I'll sit in the shade doing nothing

You'll wake up, go to the store without showering. Buy the cigarettes you convinced me you stopped smoking. You'll smoke that whole packet in half a day and text that ex you hate to love

And the day after, we'll meet up again

And pretend that it's all okay, like it's all the way we want it to be

That it's enough, pretending

It never was
It never is
It never will be

But we'll keep on pretending
Ramblur Playfool Oct 2018
I can't do it
I can't do it
I can't do it
I can't do it

I can't look into your eyes, see your abusive father open your bedroom door at midnight and you keep putting yourself in front of your younger sister so that only one of you feel that pain that's breaking you

How you hate all men

Watch you play those memories as you smile at me and say you wouldn't mind being in a relationship

I can't see you stabbing a needle into your left arm so that you can forget the woman who left you, took your children and most of your wealth, after she paid her friend that you've never met to ****** and sleep with you and spiked the drink you had before you went out for drinks with your mates

How you feel like you've worked for nothing

Watch you stand there and tell me getting married is the only way to find stability as a man and how that will help you grow

I can't see you with 3 kids you're raising by yourself because every man who's gotten you pregnant has disappeared and left you with a child you didn't want but love and 2 7 hour jobs to try and make enough to get by

How you think that loyalty is a fable.

Yet you stand there telling me that being a single mother isn't as hard as most people think.

I can't see you with skinned knuckles from bar fights from a temper you can't control. Reciprocating an anger you inherited from a drunk father who came home and beat you and your sister because someone spilt his beer.

How you think it's okay to never apologise.

Yet you stand there saying that fighting won't solve any problems.

I can't see you see how I'm lost from not being able to connect to people. That I sit in corners that are dark and empty so that I cannot face the fact that I've stopped telling anyone anything because I've had enough of my pain being treated like a norm and that I should be able to handle it.

How I can't try to move forward.

Yet I stand here and say that I enjoy our (empty) conversations.

I can't do it

I can't do it

I can't do it

I can't keep looking into your eyes and seeing such raw truth hidden behind pretty lies.

It's breaking me
It's breaking all of us
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2018
It was too long,
It's been too long,
I miss you,
I've missed you painfully

How can I not?
When your company, our banter,
Was an event that highlighted my days,
When our words opened my mind?

How can I not?
When we were not lovers,
But our embraces had love in loads,
And our stolen encounters more than loving making.

How can I not?
When we have the same souls,
And our hands spill ink in symphony,
And our minds search amongst the stars

Is it truly at an end?
Will I never again hold you,
Will I never again kiss you,
Will I never again feel your naked skin.

Is it truly at an end?
Will we have no honest encounter?
Will we have no steamy shower ***?
Will we have no chance to be lovers?

Is it truly at an end?
Do you know want me once more?
Is there really no hope?
Do you believe I cannot make you happy?
Ramblur Playfool Mar 2016
They started down the gravel road
Road seemingly leading to better places
Road joining paths with an unsure hold?
Road changing heartbeats paces??

Pardon his excuses?
He knows he is rapidly falling in love with you?
He fears that you may never feel the same?
He knows not the things you want him to do?
He fears his can never your wild heart tame??

Pardon her excuses?
She knows your intentions are pure?
She fears that you are like the rest?
She knows that your love is her cure?
She fears that you're also just another guest??

Pardon his excuses?
He has loved to wildly, to deeply?
He now has scars upon his hidden heart?
He has waited to long to live simply?
He now wants to have a slower start

Pardon her excuses ?
She now knows they cannot love her?
She has tried many times to believe different?
She now thinks pain lives when venturing deeper?
She has too many times been swept by love's currents??

Pardon their excuses?
They have loved and burnt hearts?
They have lived and frozen thoughts?
They have risen and ascended heights?
They have fought and lost life's fights?
They have lost the courage to aim for summers loving smiles and winters duel embrace nights
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2016
Do you believe were destined for this
To be here were words aren't spoken
For our words to become knife and fist
And after meetings we leave each other shaken

We lost what we never had always wanted
You never saw my suffering, and I your pain
You never saw the picture my words painted
And I never saw that your heart had bruise and stain

What do we do with the memories we have
Do we act like we've forgotten them?
The nights we spent together now lost?
And our feelings of betrayal behind masks?

I don't like what we've become
I felt like we were destined
To be friends and close
But now we are another "past"
Ramblur Playfool Jun 2023
Hello!

These are my thoughts, I guess,
A pause so I have a moment to digress...
To ingest,
and address,
that we're blessed,
but obsessed,
with the best,
without rest,
Always have the right answer because life is a test.
Surely this must be some form of jest.

A lie? Okay, tell me why.
Hmm. Okay. Listen to the Rhye.
or Rhyme?

Stillness brings a sense of interlude
Contemplate what will be left as residue
When Chaos defines what's the norm,
and Peace is overdue
Attempting to reconcile
what's old and new...
What a view.

Our actions are crude.
personality that's ****,
treated as askew,
spreading bitter news,
pretend we have the clues,
for a world that's filled with the blues?

What a truth...
And still,
we have to worry about
the pearly gates interview?
What a zoo.

Let me not assume,
Is this you?

Boards, first cause, by-laws, cars, mars, spas, bourgeoise, laws, closed doors, outlaws, applause, paws, claws, jaws, gnaws, gauze, grandma bawls, falls, withdraws, in-laws, clause, chainsaws, bedstraws, grandpa roars, draws, broken doors, floors, gauze, self-applause, laws, clause, outlaws, closed metal door, applause.
I pause.
Yours?

How are you?
Soundtrack:
Giveon - Garden Kisses
Ramblur Playfool Oct 2018
Why is it so hard for some of us to find love
Sometimes I'm fine with not breathing

I always wonder how long it would take till my heart stops
Then wonder if I would continue on beat less  

Why am I so ******* weak?
Why am I so afraid of sleep?

I can only be vulnerable to the women I can never have
If that's not ironic then I'm a dolphin

So often we try to be enough
Why can't we just be everything

I yearn and yearn and yearn

The truth is I hate myself
I can never be who I need to be

So every once in awhile
everyone else gets busy living
Like you are now
And the silences come in
And the only sound I hear
are my thoughts and my heartbeat

I wish I knew how to save myself

I love the dark, its honest
There's no need for masks when your hidden in shadows

But **** I feel so alone

I don't even know what I want
Just please don't just leave me in the dark

I have no tears, I have no voice
I'm just a stranger penning with my heart

Why be open only with the people we ****?

I'm a terrible liar,
I'm the most dishonest person I know

I lie with silence and smiles

Tell me why do I have no home?

I breathe and breathe and breathe

I'm dead, I'm dying
I've lived, I'm living

It still sounds like a mix of red and black

Maybe if I could show the ways I'm broken
I'd have less moments that I feel are stolen

I vent and vent and vent

Still tomorrow I'll wake up and do the same

How funny is it that the light I shine
Gets swallowed by the shadows I've donned

Still trying to keep the blood flowing
Have a constant craving for that metallic taste

I ramble and ramble and ramble

Funny how this could be my suicide note
Would it come as a written letter?
Confessing all the things I couldn't change

Sometimes I feel like I'm still a kid
Writing my name on the beach sand
Knowing the tide is coming in

How I hope to love someone and not something  
Like loving either one won't make me bleed

My dreams are worst than waking
My sleep is too honest, too vivid
It shows a heart that's past wavering

If there are ever loud silent screams
It would be a man's honest dreams

Like a broken mirror in my thought space  
I keep seeing too many versions of me

So I write and write and write

Hoping it helps just a little bit
Hoping it helps just a little
Hoping it helps
Hoping
Ramblur Playfool Nov 2018
I **** emotion, to chase dreams
Only to wonder what success brings

Tokyo Ghoul with the mask steez
Facade design be hiding you cold fiends

******* heart as my thoughts bleed
I see you monger be that false king

Jezebel please let a man breath
Double beat left before my  soul leaves

Religious man I will never be
I'll never pay the pearly gates fee

Art please take this pain away
let a king dry for another day

For you who took the time to listen
let my art heal the wounds you've hidden
Ramblur Playfool Jan 2021
The sun has risen,
Bathing the world.
More life is given,
The flowers stand bold.

It strikes the earth,
The rivers and the lakes.
The animals search,
The world awakes.

The vivid colours,
The scents of life.
The heat of summer,
A giving light.

It strikes soft skin,
True shade of brown.
Alights a scene,
Beauty in bounds.

Cloth of auburn,
Elegance and storm.
Colours of autumn,
Kissing her form.

Daughter of wisdom,
A beauty hidden,
Forgotten queendom,
A thought unbidden

I am LOVE,
she says.
She is LOVE,
No word play.
Raw
Ramblur Playfool Jun 2023
Raw
Hidden.

Until the sobbing is
heard under sunlight
instead of closed moonlit
prisons, assaulted by figments

Different.

Motions practised to
fool those who judged
based on agreements to
convince they see the same vision

Secret.

Rage that defies
the image of a world
that seemingly feels its
perfect to the person most rigid

Livid.

A hand that strikes the canvas
marking it with a souls pigment
a breath between lives movement
feel there's more than dark moments

Gifted
Ramblur Playfool Feb 2023
You are unbelievably valuable.
You are the diamond discovered in the search for gold.
You are the breath of fresh air when one is drowning.
Pit your will against this world,
Your will is mine.

To live, to be,
is an unbelievably difficult thing.
Beyond I and you, person and world.
To place yourself as you are,
in a world,
that functions,
on how we are all the same.
That is a sign of unbelievable strength.

To love, to laugh.
To know without a shred of doubt,
that this moment, shared with this person,
is shared with my people.
Is shared with people.
To pursue that -
Life.

Live.
Fight for life.
My will is yours.
Your will is divine.
Sculpt your life so that,
Love, purpose, possibility, ability
Is the matter that makes your reality.
Make your love tangible, real.
Your love is mine.
Ramblur Playfool Jan 2021
Bitter truths are pending,
Mental state ascending,
World views upending,
Saviour's strength I'm lending

Stationery thoughts?
I just can't take it.

Dark nights, pregnant pause,
Masked men, no laws,
Hidden truths, blood cause,
Truth of man, the pain we draw

Illusionary chain?
I just can't break it.

Lover's search, Heart's territory
Wisdom's price, broken memory
Role of man, lost in contemporary
Bittersweet, no love lives aplenty

Shape of love?
I just can't find it.

Stake it, chase it,
Make it, save it,
Love it, hate it,
Truth? All thoughts are naked

Peace of mind?
I just can't have it
Ramblur Playfool Jul 2016
Suffocating my tears,
Still they appear,
Vision blurry as I smear,
Heart I can no longer adhere,
My love turned into a spear,
Escape the manifestation of fears,
Pain and anger fuel as I veer ,
Pedal down changing my cars gears,
Running to drown myself in beers,
And embrace strangers shallow cheers,
To forget the image I saw clear,
And the sound of minds sheer,
When betrayal appeared,
And you took what I held dear,
And the real you premiere,
I still can't resist the root beer,
Turning love to a veneer,
Lines beginning with dear,
Will mark the moment I seared,
Leaving this rotating sphere,
Letting reaper draw near,
Hoping my death brings out a tear.
Rhyme ****
Ramblur Playfool Jul 2016
Cast and torn pieces of red and black
White wings marred by ash of wood
Vivid image breaking line of abstract
A fragile figure in the darkness stood

I reached for you seeing you broken
To attempt to save you from the depths
But I realized in that hurtful moment
That I cannot save you from yourself

Ghostly shadows dance around you
Your painful tears become the beacon
Stench marking their hunger true
Abandoned lover bathing in crimson

The falling ash and the pilling snow
The written portrait of black and white
In scribbled words I have left my hope
That another save you from the night
Ramblur Playfool Mar 2016
My love is selfish, it never wants to share
Even when you've got things to do
It wants every single part of you
My love is selfish, it always wants to care

It hates the people it thinks you've hidden
Above all the things you've already given
It's painful to bear when it hides and fronts
When it's not enough to fulfil what you want

It tries to show itself in deeds
It asks you silently to let it be
It asks you to remember it tried
It asks even when it hides

My love is selfish, please just see it through
My love is selfish, It wants to be loved too
Ramblur Playfool Oct 2018
I wait

Till its dead silent, as close as humanly possible to the middle of the night

I'll post then

About loneliness
About broken hearts
About broken spirits
About the purpose of living

I'll write poetry for a lover I do not know
Serenade her with everything I think I need
Serenade her with things I think she needs
What is waxing rhapsodies?

Telling her she's beautiful
Tell her she's perfect
Tell her she's frozen twilight
Tell her she glows in moonlight

I'll project my scars

Connection
Expression
Coercion
Profession
Intention
Completion
Contention

I'll scream as loud as I can
With my fingers on a screen
Exchanging ink on pages
With letters on temporary status

All they while I'll hope they're asleep
All the while I'll hope you're asleep

Trying to connect to sleeping bodies
Hoping that they dream of me

I will hate
I will love
I will want
I will need

I will slowly break apart
I will slowly gather myself

All in the silent dark
Hoping that no one sees

Because I am alone
Because I am lonely

As much as I can
All of me
When no one else can hear
I will scream silently

Maybe one or two will see
I hope we share this part of me

It doesn't make much sense honestly
But I'm beginning to think

This is what they meant when they said depression

This sinking into moist cold mud

Without screaming
Without reaching

Silently in the dark
Ramblur Playfool Mar 2016
I can feel it slowly happening
Hot midsummer evening
?It's dancing with my hidden fears?
Slowly covering my undrying tears?
It slowly flowing into my soul?
Giving life to my cold coals?

I am so passionately scared of you?
So Frightful of the things you do?
Things you do in ignorance?
None of which require penance?
Slowly I'm sinking deeper and deeper?
Brink of loving, thoughts now meager

I cannot stop this slow dance?
It pulls my person, grabs my heart?
Breaths my air, puppeteer stringing?
Along unrequited love in a sinister advance??
I cannot stop my falling for you?
I cannot stop this slow drop
Ramblur Playfool Jan 2021
Should I pave these streets
With shifting colours
To capture broken dreams
memories made in late summers

The scent, the feel
The sound, the scene
The shape, the sight
The call, true me incite

So far the distance
Between 2 hearts
So close the secret
2 body's inches apart

I can't forget the instant
When we were lost
No warning or symptom
Both no idea the cost

Here we are
No, here we aren't
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2016
Him: Did you read the poetry on my blog?
Her: No I haven't got the chance.
Him: I was wondering, I think its the 5th time I ask though.
Her: I don't get why you have to be on my case though.
Him: Uhm okay let me try describe it to you then.
Him: Wait let me ask you something. If I said to you, you are alive in my writing, what would you think?
Him: What if somewhere on this planet your whole being was put on a piece of paper, ever part of you that contributes to your perfection, would you be willing to see it. Would you like to see the beauty that lies when my eyes see you in short moments?
Her: You're not making sense, you're acting kind of weird.
#He laughs
Him: The messy picture of my person would only drive you away, so lets stay together as strangers. Let's sit here waiting for the point of which this thing that encompasses me and you falls apart.
Her: I don't get what you're saying.
Him: I know but I don't know how else to put it, that's the scary thing about us writers - it's scary to realize that there are people who can understand you from a few words on paper and its saddening to realise that there are people no matter how hard you try to show the picture, they will never see the truth hidden behind the painted canvas.
Ramblur Playfool Sep 2016
He walks through the garden amongst trees
There is the scent of life around him,
He is searching, looking for a beauty
To take it, and put it in his cave

There is a scent of sweetness
From flowers and weeds,
From branches and trees,
There is a foreign garden
A garden he has never tended

There is a flower there
It is exquisite, it's beauty raw
Why does it entice him so
A vivid red, not a lily not a rose

He wants it, but it belongs to another
He wants to pick it up and smell it
But he doesn’t know it
He cannot make it bloom

How will he deal with not having it
He has never desired one like this
He cannot forget it's aroma
The flower that belonged to another
Ramblur Playfool Sep 2016
River stones, leaves, branches, trees
The hunter runs amongst the snow
Paw prints follow hoof prints
It is the hunt
He is the hunt

It turns, it leaps
He gains a step, he gains a beat
He smells the sweat, he tastes the blood
The hunt is him,
he's lost within it

Brown figure he hunts,
So vague, but the scent is strong
A greying image, cascading white fur
The scent is changing

Where is the fear, the scent of prey
Confusion racks him, where are the hooves
He follows paw-prints, he doesn't understand
He's hunted game before what is this

He can see her now, she is no prey
She is white with fur, and barely pants
She smells of wolf, she smells the same
she leaves the scent of a hunter

He's caught now in a game he fears
This is no hunt, this is no game
He hunts not pray, this is unknown
This is the beginnings of a dance

Where lovers lie, a foreign land
A duet that plays in silence
There is no hunt in loves embrace
There is only the melody of yearning

This dance he still finds foreign
This dance he has failed at
This dance that he does not know
This dance that could break him
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2016
Its seems I take this gamble everytime,?
I place my heart on the scale hoping that even at the end it will still be mine.
I tempt the hands of time the threads of fate, the flowing of beginning to end to find what may not truly exist except in mind.
I weigh the odds to understand the risks of playing a game I am never sure I will win for the ecstasy of knowing only a portion of possibility of loving.
Vivid are the images and hopes that dwell within the exchange of love , memories, hearts and time in hopes of making each exchange more worthwhile to gain a sense of place and achievement. 
Add invisible numbers  jotted down on figures sorted in colours by sight, touch and intent all to play the numbers game
Why do I need to be rejected to feel like I have agency?
Why must rage be my favourite melody?
Why must the moment I land softly,
become the greatest source of my insecurity?
So that I can stand amongst good people and shout,
How dare you live peacefully?
As if my disunity-filled reality, can break the imagery, of self-vested false mimicry,
one could see if their closed eyes could see vividly?
Ramblur Playfool Jan 2021
I wake to find myself in chains
A world of cold stone and traced light
A world of grey, my cloth is stained
A world of quiet, true moonlit night

I don't strain against my binds
No stifle groans to hide my pain
There is no courage I aim to find
For my soul fear's steel has slain

My room plays a silent tune
My mind echoes with violent screams
That pierce my hope and faith through
No hope of sleep nor dreams

My arms and feet in tight manacles
My thoughts of mindless babble
No fight left, no rising hackles
No life to compare to cornered animal

I cannot see
Nor cannot be
I am not free

Something
Someone
Somewhere

Find this dark stone coffin
Please, somehow free me
Ramblur Playfool Sep 2022
Silent goodbyes taking the longest to arrive
Like old things,
fading from memory

Some things can only end in silence
Words cause pain,
for those unwilling to let go

It's strange how certainties can become naivety
We can love,
but love can be revealed as a delusion

I no longer miss, think of, nor want you
I love you,
yet somehow I know that I'll forget most of  you

At least you'll be immortal in my ink
A person I no longer call home
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2018
So I shed then,
Water from a river u dry,
Forgotten flows underneath earth,
I am lost to love once more,
I have lost love one more

There was a flame,
One that began quietly,
Just small echoes through a heart,
It became a fire,
It burned a sun at midnight

It causes a dance,
Lust and love intertwined,
A stolen moment,
A whisper of I love you,
Hunting heart belonging to another

And then it burned me,
For I wasn't enough,
It scarred me,
For I wanted another's,
Guess I deserved it

I pursued honesty,
To start with another openly,
Yet there was no flame,
No fire formed,
Just an echo made by bad choices

So I shed my tears,
I hope I am wiser,
I hope my heart I leave in this past,
I hope I am stronger,
I cannot have the dance that binds two hearts

I will be alone,
I will hunt for a meal to sustain my hunger,
Till the day I die i will have shallow feedings,
Looking towards the next hunt

I am a wolf
Ramblur Playfool Jul 2016
I'm accompanied by strong winds and harsh rain, while my thoughts are as calm as I've ever known them.

I've been a slave to the infatuation that I've felt went I thought of you. Because of the amount of time I spent without having these types of feelings, I easily lost myself to them when they bloomed after I met you. I enjoyed them honestly, I still enjoy them every time I see you, every time I'm with you, but know I've left the trance I was in because of them.

You keep me moving in the extremes to be honest, at times I want all of you, and wonder if you'll have all of me if I get it. Other times I want none of you, and pursuing you seems like a waste of time, like I have better things to fi than to chase live while I'm still trying to better myself.

I'm torn between those states of mind, states of heart I guess fits better. Where my feelings either flow of freeze over, but now while I'm sitting here thinking about what I promised myself I've had a few realisations.

I shouldn't fight certain things, I shouldn't try control them either.

I've spent too long not paying full attention to the things I do, and the people around me. I haven't given enough effort to certain things, so I decided o will do different.

How does all of this include you? Well I like you, and I want you, and so I will do what I think is needed to have you.

I will pursue you, differently to how I usually do, applying what I learned through my mistakes to make sure I don't make the same mistakes.

I do not know you, you do not know me, I do not know if you want to know me, but I want to know you, and that desire, is the only thing that matters.

A part if me tells me not to tell you, it says I should simply act, and I believe it is right, but I am writer, none of my thought are concrete unless there are put on paper.

There things that I want to do, things do with you, things to do for you, things to do to you, that make my heart flutter abit when I think about them. These things are what matter to me too.

And so I right a letter full of rambling and points that mean nothing to everyone besides myself, making a promise to myself - that this time I will do better.

This time I will try harder, and even if I fail I will not let it break me, for my feelings were never meant to be controlled, only meant to be harnessed and guided.

So I'm looking forward to the challenge of winning your heart, and the opportunity to enjoy your person.

Your friend
CALM THOMAS
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2018
A first sin to align my heart,
To show my weakness,
And too my strength,
For once my heart was hidden,
Pain the chain's that bound,
I know that I must embrace,
The burdens of my own love.

I do not know if this is right,
Hell I've spent so long trying to be strong,
I hope for once I make the right choice,
And do the thing I need to.

This piece may never reach you,
For my mind and heart are at odds,
For I don't know if change will come,
Or if it makes it better, or make it worse.

My love for you is deep, and whole,
It staggers me with it's ferocity,
And even now it's unshakeable,
And holds my throat in strength.

I will not lie I still want you,
But I am afraid,
I'm not enough,
I've done too much in the wrong,
I cannot give you what to need,
You've let me go,
Decided I am not enough,
And that my love isn't what you yearn for.

I have tried my best,
And I've made mistakes,
But I hope to god you forgive me,
I don't want to not have you,
When I haven't even had you all,
When all I've had are stolen moments,
While you were owned by another.

I am envious of what he has,
That you were willing to go back,
You chose the calm you knew,
And refused the fire that is me,

But my heart still wants,
And my love still burns,
Hoping that I may have you,
Hoping that I may be yours.
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2018
A second sin to align my mind,
For my dignity plays my strings,
I hold my heart in a clenched fist,
And breathe a cold hot flame,
With no bitterness in throw,
For though I may be broken,
Or I may be proud,
I have tried my best,
And to me that's all that matters.

So we had our moments true,
We had a few times where we were,
You acted in a manner,
That you were not proud of,
If then I was a better man,
I would've let you be,
But my curiosity held me fast.

I'm not the perfect guy,
I am not who I'd like to be,
But I'm spending each day,
Trying to better myself,
Trying to be the best that I can be.

So I accept your choice,
Your rejection of me,
And your pursuit of happiness,
And your judgement of me,
If you think I'm wrong,
If you think I'm tainted,
If you think all you do,
Then I all leave it to you,
For your thoughts are yours,
And I must live besides.

I apologise for being a flame,
For being chaos in your life,
For my choices that burned,
In part done in bitterness,
For it felt like I was cast away,
And still then I given like I didn't matter.

We are what we are,
And we have made our choices,
And so we will live with them,
I will hope no more,
For even I know,
When hope is fleeting


So I bid adieu,
To a time well spent,
And I will keep my memories of you.
For if we were meant to be,
Then I wouldn't scream my love so long,
And spend my nights broken.
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2016
Through an autumn forest,
I searched amongst dead leaves,
Through a winter tempest,
I searched amongst dead streets

Baby I will still keep searching,
For your flickering flames fervor,
For my soul has been yearning,
For a love I can now nurture

So I found you in a empty park,
Wounded beast laid apart,
Lines of tears shed in the dark,
Ebbing from a broken heart

My mind told me to fear you,
And leave you in your cage,
My heart told me to free you,
On the lines of this blank page
Song written for an acoustic guitar
Ramblur Playfool May 2016
I lost me when I lost her
Ramblur Playfool May 2016
I hope that when I find you, I will find me too
Ramblur Playfool Jun 2016
If I can be so selfish to ask,
Let her love to read,
As much as I love to write.
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2016
Him: I'm glad I got to see you, I've missed you these past few months.
#She laughs
Her: Well I had to travel around the country to see you. It would **** me off if you weren't so happy to see me.
Him: Don't act like you didn't want to come see me either.
Her: So when are you going to come see me then?
Him: I don't know ey, but it will be soon. You've got me addicted again.
#He kisses her
Her: You make me sound like I'm just a drug.
#She smiles
Him: To me your more like the inevitable truth.
#She laughs
Her: Really though.
Him: Pretty deep right?
Her: Yeah kinda unnecessary….you're different though.
Him: No I am not, the difference between me and the guy you know is that I'm not where I want to be, he was.
Her: But you're changing that right.
Him: Yeah I think I'm on my way there.
Her: So are you single?
#He laughs
Him: Yeah I am you?
Her: Yeah me too…
Him: So what happened to that other guy?
Her: He wasn't my type I guess, I didn't love him.
Him: Didn't love him….Do you……..Do you still love me?
Her: I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
#He laughs
Him: That is true. We are such a mess though.
#She laughs
Her: We both know love isn't easy…..I think….I think I will wait for you.
Him: Wait for me?
Her: Yeah, to get to the place you want to be.
Him: ………….
Him: …… I really don’t deserve you.
Her: What's that supposed to mean?
Him: It means I have loved you since the first moments we spent time together. When we slept together in the park under tree, when you watched me nervously recite my poetry in front of a crowd, when went with friends to the beach, and spent the hour before a test together to calm our nerves we loved each other. But when I left and fought with my parents to pursue my dreams and ended up not coming back, when things got so bad we spent weeks without talking, when I started unnecessary fights because I wanted to try move on after I lost hope you loved me still and you came all the way here to see me. I keep falling deeper for you and I trust you with my heart. I don't know what I did to get you to love me but sometimes I think I don't deserve it. But I will love you wholly, care for you deeply, and stay by you stubbornly, because I think we belong together. Wait for me, and I'll take us were we have dreamed of going, wait for me and you will get my everything.
Her: It's because you think like that that I can't let you go, you don't take me for granted and I'm not a trophy to you.
Him: That's because even as blind as I am I can see you are worth the whole world.
#He kisses her
A place in another dream from another life. Wouldn't it be beautiful to love in such a messy but honest fashion.
Ramblur Playfool Jan 2021
I dreamt I killed a god,
withstood the scorpions of his mind,
woke up in his body,
turned his face into mine.

I freed his slaves,
healed their wounds,
tore down his churches,
erased the sound of his name.

I found a desert,
with a broken people,
made a sea of pure water,
a grove of endless fruit trees,
and a mountain of black stone.

With black children,
I surfed, I climbed, I ate
I took away fear, I took away pain,
I took everything but death.

I fell in love with a black queen,
who had no kingdom,
her being filled with more soul,
than some family trees.
She sung only truth

We danced under the stars,
she asked me:
What do you stand for?
What would you die for?
Are you willing to love?

I kissed her skin,
made love to her scars,
listened to the music of her,
wiped her hidden tears.

I awoke alone on the beach,
everyone sleeping in their homes,
protected from the morning cold,
the slow breeze singing of peace.

I waited at a bus stop,
climbed an empty bus with no destination,
watched the beach pass by,
and all the other infinite landscapes.

I slept and woke,
sung and wrote,
watched a thousand people come and go,
found myself sobbing tears,
how lonely it is to be god.
Dreams tell a thousand truths and more
Ramblur Playfool Mar 2016
A star at the brink of death, bright and explosive
A black whole eating everything around it, never passive
A tiger hunting, playing and killing on instinct, without notion
A wild forest fire burning dry leaves, overflowing passion

Refreshing ice cubed drink in mid summer, burning and hot
Wild autumn winds blowing leaves through empty lots
Cold winter nights lost in blurred moments after taken shots
Calm spring mornings spent on roof smoking ***

Bramble and bushes, earth beneath bare feet
Eating quick meals, cross-legged feet on seat
Loud shouts, hitting hard words with heat
Naked friction, chest to chest, beat to beat

She is always aloof and moving, always seeing
She is overly known to be a different being
She is always searching and always dreaming
She encompasses what it means to be a wilder thing
Ramblur Playfool Mar 2016
I open my eyes to the burning heat
And see the endless desert sands
I hear my heart with its slowing beat
And feel blue veins on my hands?

I hear my stomachs sorrowful grumbles
And feel dryness in my lips cracks
I feel the drops of blood as I stumble
And the ***** shirt clinging on my back?

I feel the burnt skin under my feet
From an eternity of searching
I taste the bitterness of defeat
Moving with the determination of hoping?

My tears disappeared in blaze,
My eyes are lifeless, glazed,
I journey looking to be saved,
I have gone too long being unloved
I have gone too long without love
Ramblur Playfool Apr 2016
I am a writer,
even when the sun is dark and I am covered by snow I am a writer,
even when my heart is broken and I shed a few tears I am a writer,
even when I gaze at the stars breathing my last this is who I am,
this is the language of my heart,
the collection of my thoughts,
this is a part of my soul.

It is between the gaps that lay between words that I am free,
It is in the black and white portrait painted by my person in honesty hidden amongst crumpled papers that I live free,
It is in the subjective emotions and thoughts that scream to be heard yet seen by none that I breathe free.

I am a slave to the word set lay to bear by weaker moments and written only to touch hearts though never shown

— The End —