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Jun 2023 · 262
.
Absent Moniker Jun 2023
.
Give me a moment to breathe, please.
Jun 2023 · 57
Raw
Absent Moniker Jun 2023
Raw
Hidden.

Until the sobbing is
heard under sunlight
instead of closed moonlit
prisons, assaulted by figments

Different.

Motions practised to
fool those who judged
based on agreements to
convince they see the same vision

Secret.

Rage that defies
the image of a world
that seemingly feels its
perfect to the person most rigid

Livid.

A hand that strikes the canvas
marking it with a souls pigment
a breath between lives movement
feel there's more than dark moments

Gifted
Jun 2023 · 338
Pause, Breathe, See
Absent Moniker Jun 2023
Hello!

These are my thoughts, I guess,
A pause so I have a moment to digress...
To ingest,
and address,
that we're blessed,
but obsessed,
with the best,
without rest,
Always have the right answer because life is a test.
Surely this must be some form of jest.

A lie? Okay, tell me why.
Hmm. Okay. Listen to the Rhye.
or Rhyme?

Stillness brings a sense of interlude
Contemplate what will be left as residue
When Chaos defines what's the norm,
and Peace is overdue
Attempting to reconcile
what's old and new...
What a view.

Our actions are crude.
personality that's ****,
treated as askew,
spreading bitter news,
pretend we have the clues,
for a world that's filled with the blues?

What a truth...
And still,
we have to worry about
the pearly gates interview?
What a zoo.

Let me not assume,
Is this you?

Boards, first cause, by-laws, cars, mars, spas, bourgeoise, laws, closed doors, outlaws, applause, paws, claws, jaws, gnaws, gauze, grandma bawls, falls, withdraws, in-laws, clause, chainsaws, bedstraws, grandpa roars, draws, broken doors, floors, gauze, self-applause, laws, clause, outlaws, closed metal door, applause.
I pause.
Yours?

How are you?
Soundtrack:
Giveon - Garden Kisses
Feb 2023 · 92
Reminder
Absent Moniker Feb 2023
You are unbelievably valuable.
You are the diamond discovered in the search for gold.
You are the breath of fresh air when one is drowning.
Pit your will against this world,
Your will is mine.

To live, to be,
is an unbelievably difficult thing.
Beyond I and you, person and world.
To place yourself as you are,
in a world,
that functions,
on how we are all the same.
That is a sign of unbelievable strength.

To love, to laugh.
To know without a shred of doubt,
that this moment, shared with this person,
is shared with my people.
Is shared with people.
To pursue that -
Life.

Live.
Fight for life.
My will is yours.
Your will is divine.
Sculpt your life so that,
Love, purpose, possibility, ability
Is the matter that makes your reality.
Make your love tangible, real.
Your love is mine.
Sep 2022 · 703
Time
Absent Moniker Sep 2022
Silent goodbyes taking the longest to arrive
Like old things,
fading from memory

Some things can only end in silence
Words cause pain,
for those unwilling to let go

It's strange how certainties can become naivety
We can love,
but love can be revealed as a delusion

I no longer miss, think of, nor want you
I love you,
yet somehow I know that I'll forget most of  you

At least you'll be immortal in my ink
A person I no longer call home
Jan 2021 · 571
A Wandering God
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
I dreamt I killed a god,
withstood the scorpions of his mind,
woke up in his body,
turned his face into mine.

I freed his slaves,
healed their wounds,
tore down his churches,
erased the sound of his name.

I found a desert,
with a broken people,
made a sea of pure water,
a grove of endless fruit trees,
and a mountain of black stone.

With black children,
I surfed, I climbed, I ate
I took away fear, I took away pain,
I took everything but death.

I fell in love with a black queen,
who had no kingdom,
her being filled with more soul,
than some family trees.
She sung only truth

We danced under the stars,
she asked me:
What do you stand for?
What would you die for?
Are you willing to love?

I kissed her skin,
made love to her scars,
listened to the music of her,
tasted her hidden tears.

I awoke alone on the beach,
everyone sleeping in their homes,
protected from the morning cold,
peaceful for the first time.

I waited at a bus stop,
climbed an empty bus with no destination,
watched the beach pass by,
and all the other infinite landscapes.

I slept and woke,
sung and wrote,
watched a thousand people come and go,
found myself sobbing tears,
how lonely it is to be god.
Dreams tell a thousand truths and more
Jan 2021 · 95
Queen
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
The sun has risen,
Bathing the world.
More life is given,
The flowers stand bold.

It strikes the earth,
The rivers and the lakes.
The animals search,
The world awakes.

The vivid colours,
The scents of life.
The heat of summer,
A giving light.

It strikes soft skin,
True shade of brown.
Alights a scene,
Beauty in bounds.

Cloth of auburn,
Elegance and storm.
Colours of autumn,
Kissing her form.

Daughter of wisdom,
A beauty hidden,
Forgotten queendom,
A thought unbidden

I am LOVE,
she says.
She is LOVE,
No word play.
Jan 2021 · 79
Again
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
I can feel you there
Loitering
Waiting, yearning
For my thoughts to take a abrupt left turn

I reject you
You the weakness within me

You cloud my vision
You consume my hope
You devour my opinion
You erase the truth I wrote

I will not find love
I will not know peace
I will not change anything
I will not see the moment I meet my goals

I reject you
You the fear within me

I will find my truths
And the path that I need to take
I will achieve my dreams
And the peace that is my purpose
Jan 2021 · 74
Meeting
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
It began as lust,
In a desire to mark you,
With every bite and ******,
And leave you with shades of blue

Then it began to change,
Where kisses slowed,
my heart uncaged,
A red ribbon between us flowed

It became love,
To stop the time,
Sating heart that's starved,
And call each other mine

Now my heart is yours,
Our bodies dance,
Opened all doors,
And together we advance

For my heart is owned by you,
The arrow of my heart aimed true
Jan 2021 · 70
Break
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
Beat slow,
My mind is spinning.
Times stopped,
Our love is ending.

A moment passes,
You hold my hand.
Pull me close,
You make me stand.

Eyes bleed,
You tell me lies.
River runs,
I hold my truth.

Kiss goodbye,
You run from me.
****** lips,
A knife of steel.

Figure shrinks,
Vague memory.
A day away,
Gullible vanity.

Dissecting words,
Not once nor thrice.
Echoes aloud,
Our loves plight.

My thoughts are full,
On grass I lay.
Replay a moment,
Please won't you stay.

A bitter truth
I hold within,
We died the moment
You chose to sin.
Jan 2021 · 74
12 hours of Dark
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
Come

I will play a song of sorrow and sin
Dance with me
Let the fickle moon witness
Broken hearts dancing to unheard music

Come

I will embrace your scarred body
Lay with me
Let memories fall as tears
Bed of feathers made of white wings

Come

I will etch moments upon your heart
Walk with me
Let the shifting leaves know
Forgotten hopes burnt upon our skin

Come

I will chase you till my lungs burn
Sing with me
Let the sleeping forest listen
Dreams of love echoes upon the wind

Stay

I will love you till my death
Be with me,
Let love scream it's painful sound
Ashes from a burnt out fire

Leave

Sunrise plays it's hollow tune
Gone is the oasis, here are the hot dunes
Jan 2021 · 67
Soliloquy
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
Should I pave these streets
With shifting colours
To capture broken dreams
memories made in late summers

The scent, the feel
The sound, the scene
The shape, the sight
The call, true me incite

So far the distance
Between 2 hearts
So close the secret
2 body's inches apart

I can't forget the instant
When we were lost
No warning or symptom
Both no idea the cost

Here we are
No, here we aren't
Jan 2021 · 54
Less
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
The lovers find the loveless
The weak seen as worthless

The summer days cloudless
The winter night sky starless

The bitter man lies hopeless
The dreams he had now weightless

The ones we watch are truthless
The ones we need are voiceless

The days we live are changeless
The pain we bear now timeless

The mothers voice now hopeless
The baby born in stillness

The children lost in bleakness
The world is blank when screen less

The world run by business
The trial to rise seen sinless

The price of truth is beatless
The state of man now heartless

The eyes of man are sight less
The view of world now formless

The shape of music sound less
The heart that listens now beatless
Jan 2021 · 52
Mistaken
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
Are you waiting for me to reach for you again?
To cross this void and chase your image?
Shall I bear the winter storm and arrive at your cottage door?
Should I seek the warmth within?
Why should I bare the pain of your fear for love?

You are not the only one lost
You are not the only one broken
We all carry the pieces of broken hearts
We all carry hearts full of scars

Will you judge the quantity of my love?
By my willingness to destroy myself for you?

I'm sorry for you are worse than mistaken

I carry the love of my family
I carry the love hidden in memory
I carry the love of water, sky and greenery
I carry a love for all things lying in this infinity

My love is not worth less than yours
My heart is not meant to be your float
My mind is not captured by only you
My soul has more to give than your truth

Find your happiness and your strength
Find your purpose and your path
Find your peace and your passion
Find your silence and your safety

I am still trying to save myself
Love, I cannot save you too
Jan 2021 · 46
Thought
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
I wake to find myself in chains
A world of cold stone and traced light
A world of grey, my cloth is stained
A world of quiet, true moonlit night

I don't strain against my binds
No stifle groans to hide my pain
There is no courage I aim to find
For my soul fear's steel has slain

My room plays a silent tune
My mind echoes with violent screams
That pierce my hope and faith through
No hope of sleep nor dreams

My arms and feet in tight manacles
My thoughts of mindless babble
No fight left, no rising hackles
No life to compare to cornered animal

I cannot see
Nor cannot be
I am not free

Something
Someone
Somewhere

Find this dark stone coffin
Please, somehow free me
Jan 2021 · 169
Rubbed Raw
Absent Moniker Jan 2021
Bitter truths are pending,
Mental state ascending,
World views upending,
Saviour's strength I'm lending

Stationery thoughts?
I just can't take it.

Dark nights, pregnant pause,
Masked men, no laws,
Hidden truths, blood cause,
Truth of man, the pain we draw

Illusionary chain?
I just can't break it.

Lover's search, Heart's territory
Wisdom's price, broken memory
Role of man, lost in contemporary
Bittersweet, no love lives aplenty

Shape of love?
I just can't find it.

Stake it, chase it,
Make it, save it,
Love it, hate it,
Truth? All thoughts are naked

Peace of mind?
I just can't have it
Nov 2018 · 397
Pensive
Absent Moniker Nov 2018
I **** emotion, to chase dreams
Only to wonder what success brings

Tokyo Ghoul with the mask steez
Facade design be hiding you cold fiends

******* heart as my thoughts bleed
I see you monger be that false king

Jezebel please let a man breath
Double beat left before my  soul leaves

Religious man I will never be
I'll never pay the pearly gates fee

Art please take this pain away
let a king dry for another day

For you who took the time to listen
let my art heal the wounds you've hidden
Oct 2018 · 114
Silently Screaming
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
I wait

Till its dead silent, as close as humanly possible to the middle of the night

I'll post then

About loneliness
About broken hearts
About broken spirits
About the purpose of living

I'll write poetry for a lover I do not know
Serenade her with everything I think I need
Serenade her with things I think she needs
What is waxing rhapsodies?

Telling her she's beautiful
Tell her she's perfect
Tell her she's frozen twilight
Tell her she glows in moonlight

I'll project my scars

Connection
Expression
Coercion
Profession
Intention
Completion
Contention

I'll scream as loud as I can
With my fingers on a screen
Exchanging ink on pages
With letters on temporary status

All they while I'll hope they're asleep
All the while I'll hope you're asleep

Trying to connect to sleeping bodies
Hoping that they dream of me

I will hate
I will love
I will want
I will need

I will slowly break apart
I will slowly gather myself

All in the silent dark
Hoping that no one sees

Because I am alone
Because I am lonely

As much as I can
All of me
When no one else can hear
I will scream silently

Maybe one or two will see
I hope we share this part of me

It doesn't make much sense honestly
But I'm beginning to think

This is what they meant when they said depression

This sinking into moist cold mud

Without screaming
Without reaching

Silently in the dark
Oct 2018 · 601
Open eyes
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
I can't do it
I can't do it
I can't do it
I can't do it

I can't look into your eyes, see your abusive father open your bedroom door at midnight and you keep putting yourself in front of your younger sister so that only one of you feel that pain that's breaking you

How you hate all men

Watch you play those memories as you smile at me and say you wouldn't mind being in a relationship

I can't see you stabbing a needle into your left arm so that you can forget the woman who left you, took your children and most of your wealth, after she paid her friend that you've never met to ****** and sleep with you and spiked the drink you had before you went out for drinks with your mates

How you feel like you've worked for nothing

Watch you stand there and tell me getting married is the only way to find stability as a man and how that will help you grow

I can't see you with 3 kids you're raising by yourself because every man who's gotten you pregnant has disappeared and left you with a child you didn't want but love and 2 7 hour jobs to try and make enough to get by

How you think that loyalty is a fable.

Yet you stand there telling me that being a single mother isn't as hard as most people think.

I can't see you with skinned knuckles from bar fights from a temper you can't control. Reciprocating an anger you inherited from a drunk father who came home and beat you and your sister because someone spilt his beer.

How you think it's okay to never apologise.

Yet you stand there saying that fighting won't solve any problems.

I can't see you see how I'm lost from not being able to connect to people. That I sit in corners that are dark and empty so that I cannot face the fact that I've stopped telling anyone anything because I've had enough of my pain being treated like a norm and that I should be able to handle it.

How I can't try to move forward.

Yet I stand here and say that I enjoy our (empty) conversations.

I can't do it

I can't do it

I can't do it

I can't keep looking into your eyes and seeing such raw truth hidden behind pretty lies.

It's breaking me
It's breaking all of us
Oct 2018 · 104
On the daily
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
You laugh at my childish jokes
I grin at your well intentioned insults

We flirt, we walk, we eat, we chill
We spend all our free time together, smiling

We talk about everything and anything,
Past, scars, ***, dreams, drugs, school, work, hopes, fears, stars, people

We spend, morning, midday, afternoons, evenings, nights

We see sunrises and sunsets

We'll joke about getting into a relationship
We'll tell everyone we are just friends
We'll do everything together
We'll do everything that doesn't matter together

I won't tell you how I've lied about the women I've slept with

How they have been so many I don't want to remember them
How I've lost even the memory of love
How I can't seem to figure out what it takes to trust someone else
How I am lonely every moment of everyday

You won't tell me how terrified you are of what we are

How you can't stop yourself from crying yourself to sleep
How your past lovers scarred you and left you bleeding
How you just want time to move and forget today
How you don't want me to expect anything from you

We'll lie there naked in each others arms
Breaths and heartbeats slow
Both having nightmares featuring each other
Both desperately trying to love

I'll wake up and go home, open a bottle of wine and drink it all in less than 5 minutes

I'll write your name on loose pages that I'll burn later on, and try forget I ever wanted to love you. I'll go to the gym, I'll sit in the shade doing nothing

You'll wake up, go to the store without showering. Buy the cigarettes you convinced me you stopped smoking. You'll smoke that whole packet in half a day and text that ex you hate to love

And the day after, we'll meet up again

And pretend that it's all okay, like it's all the way we want it to be

That it's enough, pretending

It never was
It never is
It never will be

But we'll keep on pretending
Oct 2018 · 105
Man
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
Man
I'll break the glass that screens the truth that even men can have dreams of love

See I have been asked many times to wax poetic by women looking for intimacy

So I did
So I will

I will paint that picture

I can imagine it all within quiet moments

Like every woman who spends days and nights posting pieces written of toes in sand and books read to them by candle lit bathing

I lay down with my chest on the floor a book in front of me hands outstretched and you'll be laying on my back with yours  against mine reading your own

You will hum some unnamed melody with your hair spilling over my neck and your one foot over the other swaying balanced on the back of mine

There will be a breeze coming through the window of the lounge causing a harmony if little sounds played by wind chimes unfinished books paging and cloth moving against cloth

The sun would shine through casting rays on the pallet furniture we both made piece by piece and the cloths and rugs each made stitch by stitch reflecting autumn colours against exposed brick walls

I crave this peaceful intimacy

This piece of contentedness part of a greater tapestry of beautiful moments is a glimmer of that which every man wants but can never show as this would be perceived as weakness

Cooking together in the kitchen, walking at the beach at midnight, picnic in park, writing songs, walking through the woods

I want it all, love and all
I want it all, *** and all

I want that which will move my heart
I want that which will shake my soul

But I can't tell anyone at all
Oct 2018 · 109
Creative
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
Living with an altered stare of mind
My thoughts become the world I see
I peel the image birthed from the same kind
I discover that purpose amounts to a recurring dream

I use the physical manifestation of my existence
To craft a piece of my intangible parts
This world where immortality is bound to presence
I capture time within a soul filled art

In this world where every man is template
I carve a portion of myself to show my kin
Hope that it is unique yet filled semblance
I gift the world my graces and my sins

I am an artist
A creative being
I hate to love it
A lonely thing
Oct 2018 · 136
Meander
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
.
Words.

One word,
Two words,
Many words.

Soft words,
Harsh words,
No words.

Words,
Worded,
Wordless.

Too many words,
Not enough words?

How many letters,
Will make a word?
How many words,
Can make words worthless?

Word.
Words.
Wording.

Meandering word.
Oct 2018 · 83
Penny for you Thoughts
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
Why is it so hard for some of us to find love
Sometimes I'm fine with not breathing

I always wonder how long it would take till my heart stops
Then wonder if I would continue on beat less  

Why am I so ******* weak?
Why am I so afraid of sleep?

I can only be vulnerable to the women I can never have
If that's not ironic then I'm a dolphin

So often we try to be enough
Why can't we just be everything

I yearn and yearn and yearn

The truth is I hate myself
I can never be who I need to be

So every once in awhile
everyone else gets busy living
Like you are now
And the silences come in
And the only sound I hear
are my thoughts and my heartbeat

I wish I knew how to save myself

I love the dark, its honest
There's no need for masks when your hidden in shadows

But **** I feel so alone

I don't even know what I want
Just please don't just leave me in the dark

I have no tears, I have no voice
I'm just a stranger penning with my heart

Why be open only with the people we ****?

I'm a terrible liar,
I'm the most dishonest person I know

I lie with silence and smiles

Tell me why do I have no home?

I breathe and breathe and breathe

I'm dead, I'm dying
I've lived, I'm living

It still sounds like a mix of red and black

Maybe if I could show the ways I'm broken
I'd have less moments that I feel are stolen

I vent and vent and vent

Still tomorrow I'll wake up and do the same

How funny is it that the light I shine
Gets swallowed by the shadows I've donned

Still trying to keep the blood flowing
Have a constant craving for that metallic taste

I ramble and ramble and ramble

Funny how this could be my suicide note
Would it come as a written letter?
Confessing all the things I couldn't change

Sometimes I feel like I'm still a kid
Writing my name on the beach sand
Knowing the tide is coming in

How I hope to love someone and not something  
Like loving either one won't make me bleed

My dreams are worst than waking
My sleep is too honest, too vivid
It shows a heart that's past wavering

If there are ever loud silent screams
It would be a man's honest dreams

Like a broken mirror in my thought space  
I keep seeing too many versions of me

So I write and write and write

Hoping it helps just a little bit
Hoping it helps just a little
Hoping it helps
Hoping
Oct 2018 · 87
Fire
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
When she was sad, she felt.
When she was happy, she lived.
When she was angry, she burned.
When she was hurt, she loved.

She was oh so beautiful.
Oct 2018 · 130
Manling
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
I may be imperfect,
But I am still a vessel,
Of a strength you cannot measure.

I may be lost,
But I still walk a path,
Each furtive step taking me further.

I may be hesitant,
But each challenge I take,
Will grow me and make me greater.

I may be one man,
Each breath and word singular,
But still you will not break me.
Oct 2018 · 126
Cousin of death
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
I had a question that I could only asked if I died and everything around me fell into the abyss because I was the core that it was birthed from.

This was a dream.

Was dying my waking up
Was the abyss my memory
What was the question but more importantly,
Who was it meant for?

I had a dream.
Oct 2018 · 91
Love
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
I want the fire, a love that is new, warm.
One that is a source of positivity and contentment.

I want the water, a love that is sustaining through the tough times.
One that also cleans my soul

I want the wind, a love that is free, natural, that is wild, and open.
One that is ever-changing in its form but not its soul.

I want the earth, a love, that never falters.
One that is as strong as steel and as giving as fertilized soil.

I want the spirit, a love that is a journey.
One that leads to the opening and knowledge of both myself and another to the point that I can truly appreciate both.

I want, and sometimes, I need.
Oct 2018 · 61
African
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
Your accent
Is filled with rhythm
Old sound
Of a people unbeaten  

Your body
Of abundant curve
Your *****
Has nurtured generations  
Your womb
Has birthed heroes

You are unmoved
Strength defined
You are love
Unmarked by time

You are brown
You are natural
You are African
Most beautiful
Oct 2018 · 74
Hear Me
Absent Moniker Oct 2018
Compassionate  
Strong  
Capable
Mature
Humble
Genuine
Caring
Attentive
Free
Honorable
Emotive
Open
Handsome
Helpful

They use the words
To describe what they see
Not knowing
That these words
Wound me

Broken
Weak
Deceitful
Distant
Lost
Vengeful
Destructive
Depressed
Anxious
Nervous
Addictive
Lustful
Loud
Secretive
Manipulative

These are the words
They never use
To tell my tale
Not knowing
These words define me

I dine with angels and demons
See me, feel me, taste me, smell me, HEAR ME
Apr 2018 · 89
Two Minds part 2
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
A second sin to align my mind,
For my dignity plays my strings,
I hold my heart in a clenched fist,
And breathe a cold hot flame,
With no bitterness in throw,
For though I may be broken,
Or I may be proud,
I have tried my best,
And to me that's all that matters.

So we had our moments true,
We had a few times where we were,
You acted in a manner,
That you were not proud of,
If then I was a better man,
I would've let you be,
But my curiosity held me fast.

I'm not the perfect guy,
I am not who I'd like to be,
But I'm spending each day,
Trying to better myself,
Trying to be the best that I can be.

So I accept your choice,
Your rejection of me,
And your pursuit of happiness,
And your judgement of me,
If you think I'm wrong,
If you think I'm tainted,
If you think all you do,
Then I all leave it to you,
For your thoughts are yours,
And I must live besides.

I apologise for being a flame,
For being chaos in your life,
For my choices that burned,
In part done in bitterness,
For it felt like I was cast away,
And still then I given like I didn't matter.

We are what we are,
And we have made our choices,
And so we will live with them,
I will hope no more,
For even I know,
When hope is fleeting


So I bid adieu,
To a time well spent,
And I will keep my memories of you.
For if we were meant to be,
Then I wouldn't scream my love so long,
And spend my nights broken.
Apr 2018 · 294
Black Confession
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
So you asked me to send a vn to help you ***, hahahah well I guess I'll give it a go. First though I need you to hear this.

It began as lust,
In a desire to mark you,
With every bite and ******,
And leave you with shades of blue

The it began to change,
Where kisses slowed,
my heart uncaged,
A red ribbon between us flowed

It become love,
To stop the time,
Sating heart that's starved,
And call each other mine

Now my heart is yours,
Our bodies dance,
Opened all doors,
And together we advance

For my heart is owned by you,
The arrow of my heart aimed true

So anyways I've been going over the best scenario of which we could **** in, like the ultimate **** I guess.

Whether we **** at work or at a loft in a shower, and I think this is the one.

It uses a voucher pretty well to my thinking.

My name is Luke, and I live in a loft apartment in new York, I move between it and the one in the uk quite abit but my studio is based here in the NY. I am architect, writer, painter, sculptor, chef and a avid reader. I am single, a bachelor in my early thirties',
And I am also one of times most eligible bachelors.

I am Vanessa, I live in a Studio in Paris, though I own multiple properties around the world, I am mostly based in Europe. I am an architect, a writer, a dancer, a photographer and an avid reader. I am single, in my early thirties, and I travel the world finding pieces of myself.

This is one of our encounters.

Vanessa's setting:

Her arms are heavy, she's spent the entire day moving around since her flight came in only this morning.

The exchanging of currencies to dollars took long this time, longer than it should of, so it took longer to buy what she needed, the light blue lingerie, lace as usual, stockings, the new night gown, food and some such.

All the things she'll need for tonight. She has plans for later, ages abit nervous ages never done this before.

She unlocks the door and goes in, abit late but she'll make it.

It's only just hit 17:00

Luke's setting:

His blazer across his bag next to him on the passenger seat, he's hungry and tired.

He's had quite the long day, work went into late again today.

His meetings with artists took longer than he thought he would, but the sun is still up and the shades cover his eyes from the afternoon sun.

His 1967 Shelby Mustang is running smoothly, all American muscle. Not a bad drive, not too much traffic, well for a New Yorker that is.

But he made it to the parking in good time, It's only 18:30.

The vehicle life takes him upwards into the apartment and he walks into the lounge, as the lift fixes in place in the middle of the loft.

He sees her, she sees him.

Luke: Are you really here?
Vanessa: Unexpected?
Luke: Well I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

The shock on his face was short lived, his attention was fully caught up with the sight of her.

The light blue lace was caressing her body, it held her, pushed her full chest upwards and right showing it's shape, she was... as her skin lighter was catching light in the most ****** way he had ever seen. Her absorbed her, the sight of her.

He could feel his heartbeat speed up, he could see all the ways he could take her on the kitchen counter she laid on.

Luke: I didn't realise you would use the key so quickly, I only posted it a few weeks ago.
Vanessa: Well I couldn't stay away, only so much can be taken from words on paper.

He stood next to her now, His bag already forgotten, glasses jacket and tie already off, and he still drank her with his eyes. His eyes absorbing ever part of her.

Luke: You are mine
Almost a whisper

Vanessa: Take me

His right hand gripped her thigh with a hunger she felt up her back, her neck hair standing. His left cares her check softly with the ends of his fingers.

They kiss and all thought flees. The hunger held too long takes over.

She rips his shirt of, buttons flying, her bra is taken, stockings torn.

He is devouring her scent, her feel, her taste, her entire being through the kisses he places all over her.

She is already lost in the moment, his string grip makes her want him more, his muscles well maintained have given it the perfect strength, not too much not too little.

They both lay on top of the kitchen counter, him on top of her, both only one their basic underwear now.

He moves of, takes her legs owns them, underwear already torn, and with barely controlled aggression puts his head between her thighs to taste her.

She moans loudly from it, the ecstasy moving through her as he eats her out, she's already on the brink with him ******* and licking her shaven *****.

He lets go, It's not enough, he pulls her of and turns her around, three quick spankings crack the air from his firm hand , she moans aloud once more.

He's rock hard now, pulsing with desire, with a string **** of her head backwards to his chest, and her back arched, behind facing her, he pushes his **** in. Her ***** gives slowly, but with a strong ****** he goes all in and nudges her womb.

A soft scream mixed with a moan of ecstasy leaves her, she could've never imagined how big he was, how well he fit. And he moved.

Each ****** harder and faster, she could feel his entire duck pushing her insides apart, he could feel her tight on him.

Luke: This is what you wanted isn't it?

He says while he ***** her.

Vanessa: Yes

She's breathe less, between his **** and his questing hands that squeeze her body she's beyond what she's known as pleasure.

She comes in quick succession 5 times while there, her juices flowing both down their legs.

He turns her around, licks her up and pushes her against the free standing lounge wall. The exposed brick scratches her but she does not feel it she's already lost in the dance, he pushes inside again with her against it, chest to chest he takes her there against the wall.

Their lips interlocked moans escaping between kisses the ****, sweat beginning to lave them both he's approaching his limit she feels too good but he's held his own.

She feels him thicken inside her, he's about to come put he pulls out, she moves by reflex going on her knees and putting her **** in her mouth while stroking his ***** with one hand.

He **** while ***** him, his muscles tensing, while she drinks him down in gulps.

They both trembling stand there in each others arms, they know this is only a short rest from a whole night of desire filled *******.
Apr 2018 · 118
Two minds part 1
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
A first sin to align my heart,
To show my weakness,
And too my strength,
For once my heart was hidden,
Pain the chain's that bound,
I know that I must embrace,
The burdens of my own love.

I do not know if this is right,
Hell I've spent so long trying to be strong,
I hope for once I make the right choice,
And do the thing I need to.

This piece may never reach you,
For my mind and heart are at odds,
For I don't know if change will come,
Or if it makes it better, or make it worse.

My love for you is deep, and whole,
It staggers me with it's ferocity,
And even now it's unshakeable,
And holds my throat in strength.

I will not lie I still want you,
But I am afraid,
I'm not enough,
I've done too much in the wrong,
I cannot give you what to need,
You've let me go,
Decided I am not enough,
And that my love isn't what you yearn for.

I have tried my best,
And I've made mistakes,
But I hope to god you forgive me,
I don't want to not have you,
When I haven't even had you all,
When all I've had are stolen moments,
While you were owned by another.

I am envious of what he has,
That you were willing to go back,
You chose the calm you knew,
And refused the fire that is me,

But my heart still wants,
And my love still burns,
Hoping that I may have you,
Hoping that I may be yours.
Apr 2018 · 95
Know
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
Really? What about the fact that cannot *** while ******* unless I'm looking at your pictures thinking of ******* you.

I think I've earned that right

After all it's not that you cannot have all of me, it's that you refuse to give me all of you.

I cannot live off just half of you, so I dream of at least having all of someone else.

Do you understand?

No you don't.

You give me a bit of you, and even that bit of you is a piece of that piece because  I have to steal you.

I cannot hear your moans when they come out full force

I cannot ******* as I want as we aren't where it allows

I cannot wake up and sleep to ******* you

I say I want you, but do you understand?

You speak of the fear of losing me, of indecision

If I were open my heart to your senses

You would see a clash of fire and ice

Of land and air

Of death and life

Of my love for you, for myself, for the whole warring endlessly trying to consume one another

I want to devour your every essence like the oxygen that courses through every fiber , and I want it endlessly.

I don't want people to look at us as we look at each other and say they want to ****

I want them to movie of any chance of obstructing that view, I want them to be completely stunned and afraid and tense with their hair standing because the look between us is felt like am physical thing. Like a fire that will burn all that's in between and all that disturbs it.

I WANT YOU

And even that is a raindrop in an ocean, you would gasp, weep, scream, whimper, be quieted, be burned, moved, stunned, be completely and utterly awe struck by even a few seconds of feeling what I feel for you through me as i look at you.

You are surprised that I would drama of others like my mind would even be slightly capable of creating a scene that could contain how much I want you

My desire, live, and yearning for is a mess that churns and burns, crashes and tears, cuts and corroded all in every second I let it free

Yet you think you've even seen a part of it

Like me showing you would end in anything but pain for me, for as long as I deny it, it will not breathe and live

You think I simply want you

When I WANT YOU

Women I would *******, till you pass out,  I would *** for you and make me *** for you till we lose weight from malnutrition as every ounce of energy goes to every moment we touch skin in an unending cycle of us trying new things perfecting old ones, transforming every encounter into something that makes us both tremble

I would have you and the world would weep in its understanding that what we are is something that has never and can never be again

Still you think I want you

I don't want you

I never have

I have suffered something far worse than that for every moment since you let me kiss your lips, squeeze your **** , spank you ***, and ****** myself into the deep parts of you.

I have loved you, truly.
Apr 2018 · 78
Morning encounter
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
There is a girl, a lady in truth.
She's quiet, cute and beautiful in the wildest way.

But she is asleep, wearing a white night gown with white above knee socks, the gown semi transparent with its leaves and flower patterns.

She is half hidden by white sheets.

There is a guy, a man in truth. He's tall, and dashing with quite the mischievous twinkle to him.

He is awake staring out of the window at the light rain in this dark clouded morning, he's wearing are a pair of white CK underwear and above ankle socks.

He stands with one of his hands on the window, another holding a glass of whiskey.

He can hear her slow breath, the sound of her moving beneath the covers, the sound of her skin as she slides over the silk sheets.

He can feel desire rising, he's heart beat increases as he stops looking outward and focuses on the reflection of her in the window, her left leg exposed, her gown holding on to her curves in the most sensual manner.

He should be tired, well he is, they've had a long overdue encounter.

It started the moment they met again in that quite care next to the bookstore, with autumn colours dancing about.

From the bathroom in the café, to a hidden corner in the bookstore, in the back of the car, to the kitchen in the loft, to this room of white furniture, dropped on a floor of timber. Surrounded by exposed brick walls and the view of a city across side.

He moves back to bed leaving his whiskey unfinished.

It begins with a slow caress of her cheeks with the back of his hand, a resting on her hips.

Her eyes flicker open and she smiles. "Morning" she says. "Morning" he says.

She glances to the view.
"It's raining" she says.

"Yes" he answers simply. "it's been raining awhile"

He stares in her eyes for a moment, and seems to drink her in with his, not the stare of a lover glazed over, an intense stare, a hungry stare, he stares deep into her, he sees her wholly and strips her bare. There is desire in those eyes.

He bends over her and kisses her neck, while sitting right next to her, he stays there, 4 heartbeats, her heartbeat quickens. He can feel it through her skin.

She rolls onto her back. He moves to lay in between her legs spreading them apart with his knees, and slowly lowers himself on top of her.

Her ******* have pushed her down above her curves exposing a shaven ****.

Their lips touch, slowly at first. Quickly they fall into it, his left hand on her right thigh, his other hand entangled with hers above them resting amongst the pillows.

Their breathing deepens, few chances are given to catch a breath, their lips are locked with their tongues singing a symphony between them.

She grasps his underwear, gripping it just under the small of his back, exposing his rear in part. Her other hand is spread across his well muscled upper back, her blue nails biting down, causing five small dimples.

"More" she whispers. "Give me more" she says with urgency.

He strips of her night gown, her, his briefs.

And pulls her socks of while kissing her inner thighs. He pulls off his own, and again lays on top of her.

Again their lips lock, a heartbeat only. As they lay atop another with the slightest pause, a gazing in each others eyes as he slowly slides his **** in.

She's tight but wet, and he edges deeper in, his member questing deep within.

She moans as they both close their eyes, ecstasy causing a slight tremor through them.

They catch a rhythm slow at first, but they are both eager. "Harder" she whispers. "**** me harder"

He answers with deeper thrusts, faster and harder. She moans softly into his ear, her nails digging into his back, her legs across his waist urging him on.

His hand is gripping her thigh with strength, his other against the back wall as he thrusts quickly enough for the echoes of the impact to lie within heartbeats.

She wants control, she flips him over, grasp's his one hand above his head, his other grasps a breast.

She's on him now, her hips moving forward to back, or in circles. He can feel the hunger in her, in the strength of her hips as she moves, in the nails on his well muscled chest as they dig into him.

They begin to sweat, pillows and covers finding their way to the floor, pushed aside in the mad dance.

He rolls her over, moves her hands onto the back wall with her on her knees in front of him.

He wastes not a moment, immediately thrusting into her from behind. His hands gripping her waist, thrusting deep into her.

She moans loudly, the sound of flesh meeting flesh mixed in with heavy breathing, echoes through the apartment.

"Yes!" She screams. She can hear his whispered panting. They both begin to slowly tense, her back arching backwards, his forwards as he pulls her towards his chest, his hands gripping her *******. Her hand finding the back of his neck as he thrusts into her still.

They approach the ****** fast, loudly calling each others names.

They tense, loud gasps escape their lips. They're coming, him into her, her ocean and running down both their thighs.

Held at that point for the space of a second maybe 3, they slump next to each other panting.
Apr 2018 · 87
I met a Man
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
A month ago,
I met a man without a home,
I bought him breakfast,
We sat together and spoke.

I asked this man,
What is love?

He told me,
Love doesn't exist in this world,
if it did I wouldn’t feel so alone.

A week ago,
I met a man without a home,
I bought him lunch,
We sat together and spoke.

I asked this man,
What is love?

He told me,
Love is deep understanding,
between strangers, between friends.

A day ago,
I met a man without a home,
I bought him supper,
We sat together and spoke

I asked this man,
What is love?

He told me,
Love is what binds us to the people we care about,
Sometimes it needs no words.

An hour ago
I thought about these men
Whom I shared a meal with,
While we sat together and spoke

I asked myself
What is love?

What I'd like to believe,
Is that,

Love is a gift that lasts for an eternity,
One carried in heart and memory.
Apr 2018 · 87
Our lips won't touch
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
It was too long,
It's been too long,
I miss you,
I've missed you painfully

How can I not?
When your company, our banter,
Was an event that highlighted my days,
When our words opened my mind?

How can I not?
When we were not lovers,
But our embraces had love in loads,
And our stolen encounters more than loving making.

How can I not?
When we have the same souls,
And our hands spill ink in symphony,
And our minds search amongst the stars

Is it truly at an end?
Will I never again hold you,
Will I never again kiss you,
Will I never again feel your naked skin.

Is it truly at an end?
Will we have no honest encounter?
Will we have no steamy shower ***?
Will we have no chance to be lovers?

Is it truly at an end?
Do you know want me once more?
Is there really no hope?
Do you believe I cannot make you happy?
Apr 2018 · 82
Bleed
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
From my veins I have ripped open,
A metallic liquid flows like spring,
It ebbs a grief for what is lost,
And a memoir of a love now stolen

This bitter melody that slowly plays,
Is reminiscing of peeling white paint,
For though love may avoid a ***** taint,
It is no assurance that it will stay

And I bleed heavy morose scents,
For my heart is slowly pumping sadness,
as it leaves it scribbles words in crimson,
And pictures of not long past scenes.

I bleed my memories of you,
As I remember our ended dreams,
I bleed my love for you,
As our love comes apart at the seams.
Apr 2018 · 78
To love no more
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
So I shed then,
Water from a river u dry,
Forgotten flows underneath earth,
I am lost to love once more,
I have lost love one more

There was a flame,
One that began quietly,
Just small echoes through a heart,
It became a fire,
It burned a sun at midnight

It causes a dance,
Lust and love intertwined,
A stolen moment,
A whisper of I love you,
Hunting heart belonging to another

And then it burned me,
For I wasn't enough,
It scarred me,
For I wanted another's,
Guess I deserved it

I pursued honesty,
To start with another openly,
Yet there was no flame,
No fire formed,
Just an echo made by bad choices

So I shed my tears,
I hope I am wiser,
I hope my heart I leave in this past,
I hope I am stronger,
I cannot have the dance that binds two hearts

I will be alone,
I will hunt for a meal to sustain my hunger,
Till the day I die i will have shallow feedings,
Looking towards the next hunt

I am a wolf
Absent Moniker Apr 2018
So I thought about for a minute,
If my heart in this dance is fully in it,
If it's a thought my mind my soul persuaded,
Or image held from marks I seeded

Then I remember that i can't ignore her smile,
Even when it comes from phone dial,
For it's seems to ask me to stay awhile,
From scars it quests for another mile

So forgive me love if I lose my way,
And our hearts have seen better day,
Just know though I write and rarely say,
I hope our feelings will forever stay

Let me hold you and share these moments,
And let me know if your heart I own it,
For you deserve more than a love that's broken,
You deserve a love where your heart us truly stolen

Let me feel you, let me love you,
Let me be your partner and life we will go through
Nov 2016 · 304
Beat
Absent Moniker Nov 2016
I have always wondered, when I am sad, wallowing and broken.

I can feel my heartbeat slow the deeper I fall into melancholy, as if my soul itself is leaving my body.

If I were to keep falling into the darkness, the cold, the ocean depths where thoughts and emotions are covered by a cloud of numbness, will I reach a point where my heart would stop?

Would I then be dead, or would I find a world in between where all the broken souls go, where we all float in a state of non existence combined with a frozen state of feeling.

Can my sadness **** my heart?

Am I the only one who has those moments, I think not.

Because sometimes,

when I look at you, you look as if your heart is frozen from your burdens.
Nov 2016 · 235
Hole
Absent Moniker Nov 2016
and he wept,
for he remembered it vividly,
he had held his chin up with his left hand,
while he knelt,
he had casually placed the knife upon his tender throat and slid it to the side exposing crimson,
while he wept for the crime he was committing,
for the death of a close friend.
He did not expect him to come again another day,
with a white scarred throat,
embrace him and call him brother,
and tell him that he was missed.
So he wept without control,
with gasps in between and a silent trauma for only now he could become whole
Nov 2016 · 236
Broken
Absent Moniker Nov 2016
They ask why I do not speak,
Why I am not using my words,
When I don’t know how to keep,
And why my heart is exposed to cold

I've made mistakes that caused harm,
I thought all could be fixed by actions,
If I kept myself strong and calm,
That I could earn others forgiveness

But the scars I've caused are deep,
And the guilt too heavy a burden,
I can barely close my eyes to sleep,
For others happiness I have stolen

Forgive me for my bitter rants,
My vengeful stabs of jealousy,
Days that I was only unpleasant,
And the harm I caused indifferently

I know I ask for more than I deserve,
More than I have shown for others,
I hope you see small light preserved,
That bleeds every day for lost lovers

So let me love, and let me soar,
For I have not lived to the end,
Let me try and shine once more,
And this darkness transcend
Nov 2016 · 207
Glance: Third Heartbeat
Absent Moniker Nov 2016
I grab it all in a moment,
Where I look at you,
When I actually see you,
All in the glance that I have stolen

This is your beauty

Now my emotions own me,
Heartbeat slowly quickens,
Warmth of hearth in winter,
Butterflies in spring's field

This is my heart

How can she see me as enough,
Beauty holds me unforgiving,
Gripping attention hard and rough,
Empty thoughts filled with longing

This is my mind

Dance with me one more moment,
My dried river runs once more,
My heart I thought was broken,
Your essence has invaded my core

This is my soul

These are the deeper things,
Those that few will ever know,
Those that require more than feeling,
The deeper that I have rarely shown
Nov 2016 · 262
Glance: Second Heartbeat
Absent Moniker Nov 2016
I grab it all in a moment,
Where I look at you,
When I actually see you,
All in the glance that I have stolen

This is your beauty

This time I see you more clearly
Elation hidden behind your eyes
As you look at those you hold dearly
Past the face that never looks shy

This is your heart

This time I see the worry that’s a burden
skeletons make you feel threatened
the feelings that you think I've hidden
Insecurities keeping what is destined

This is your mind

This time I see the inner wild heart
Rigid are the rules you that follow
Desire for the corners of known chart
Forest paths and the river shallows

This is your soul

these are the deeper things,
Those that few can gaze upon,
Those that require all feeling,
the hidden deeper that I hope own
Nov 2016 · 235
Glance: First Heartbeat
Absent Moniker Nov 2016
I grab it all in a moment,
Where I look at you,
When I actually see you,
All in a glance that I have stolen

This is your beauty

The pink of a wild rose,
moving in the spring breeze,
Petals dance with enticing,
a fragrance like innocence

These are your lips

The brown of falling autumn,
Within the different hues of fall,
brown fallen leaves travel earth,
brown that shifts in light or shadow

These are your eyes

The lightened beige of sand,
speaking of heat of summer,
Soft and warm sand meeting waves,
Footprints dancing in patches

This is your skin

But these are only the smaller things,
Those that everyone can gaze upon,
Those that don’t require much feeling,
Not the hidden deeper that only I own
Oct 2016 · 720
Morning Blues
Absent Moniker Oct 2016
I try to shelter you broken bird within my palms,
but i cannot heal you.

I try to heal your broken heart before it turns to ice,
but my heart forever burns you.
Sep 2016 · 340
Interlude
Absent Moniker Sep 2016
I cannot stop this feeling that I broke something I shouldn’t have,
I felt like even now we could've worked as we are,
Maybe I'm naïve and greedy, I think I should let this go,
But what after, again back to the search, ****
I don’t want to, its painful to even image actually,

But you are not mine, I am not what you need,
I am a fleeting moment to you, a lesson to be learned,
Forgive me for today, I had not expected to find myself here,
Sometimes you get into a rhythm when you do something,
And you get so used to it, losing it surprises you,

What I am terrified of kait, is the fact that,
There is something, I am fond of you,
Beyond the posturing and desire,
I want you in a more sensual manner,
But it is not my place to ask that of you,

I am writing this because I am a writer,
Emotive speech is the one thing I'm not good at,
I don't want to be a distraction from what you need to do,
I don't want to be just a fix either though,

I've lost and gained something,
I don't know what it is yet,
Maybe I'm still too young of heart and mind,
I am actually far from the wolf I look to be

I'm still a wolf pup, I am learning the hunt,
You simply caught me of guard,
I hadn't expected this to be anything but temporary
That is the truth

It's amazing though, as I type this I feel more resigned,
I understand why it must end now,
My actions today were just a catalyst,
That is the truth

It would've just been a one more time thing,
Constantly trying edging towards exposure,
It's better if it ends before we're found out
That is the truth

Thank you though,
For taking this risk with me,
I truly needed to be reminded that there is more,
More to everything than just desire,
I hope we can be friends,
Maybe I think it's because we both seem to be fragile,
Yet as hard and strong as steel too
I wish i could've been more than a moment for you ey
But hey **** happens,
Lol that is the truth
Sep 2016 · 497
The Blooming Flower
Absent Moniker Sep 2016
He walks through the garden amongst trees
There is the scent of life around him,
He is searching, looking for a beauty
To take it, and put it in his cave

There is a scent of sweetness
From flowers and weeds,
From branches and trees,
There is a foreign garden
A garden he has never tended

There is a flower there
It is exquisite, it's beauty raw
Why does it entice him so
A vivid red, not a lily not a rose

He wants it, but it belongs to another
He wants to pick it up and smell it
But he doesn’t know it
He cannot make it bloom

How will he deal with not having it
He has never desired one like this
He cannot forget it's aroma
The flower that belonged to another
Sep 2016 · 522
The Breaking Flame
Absent Moniker Sep 2016
River stones, leaves, branches, trees
The hunter runs amongst the snow
Paw prints follow hoof prints
It is the hunt
He is the hunt

It turns, it leaps
He gains a step, he gains a heartbeat
He smells the sweat he tastes the blood
The hunt is him,
he's lost within it

Brown figure he hunts,
So vague, but the scent is strong
A greying image, cascading white fur
The scent is changing

Where is the fear, the scent of prey
Confusion racks him, where are the hooves
He follows paw-prints, he doesn't understand
He's hunted game before what is this

He can see her now, she is no prey
She is white with fur, and barely pants
She smells of wolf, she smells the same
she leaves the scent of a hunter

He's caught now in a game he fears
This is no hunt, this is no game
He hunts not pray, this is unknown
This is the beginnings of a dance

Where lovers lie, a foreign land
A duet that plays in silence
There is no hunt in loves embrace
There is only the melody of yearning

This dance he still finds foreign
This dance he has failed at
This dance that he does not know
This dance that could break him
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