i am not yet accustomed to this world
i want to go back again and make things better
for my heart aches knowing where everything was left
but it is already too late
too many mistakes were made
and i don't think anybody can forgive me
if i were to begin again i would do it right
for my life would have been different.
my life would surely be better.
but i can't
i will never have that opportunity
why? why? why? i am so ashamed
i am so embarrassed
i am so dreading the winter's cold; i will never understand why i do this to myself
for all things born into this world can be happy. so why can't i?
my body is both cold and lifeless as i ride down into deep seas. but when it reaches the bottom i dwell,
and i don't enjoy beauty from my past.
the dark is scary. but it seems to be endless
i will die in pain
i will always remember my past as a great tragedy. and when i crumble, remember, i am sorry

you turned my world upside down
you're the one who abused me
you're the one who took advantage of me
you're the one who taught me
to keep a stone cold heart

and now

now here i am
sitting at this computer
with nothing but my tears
and my stone cold heart is crumbling to pieces
ice is falling from my chest

while you sit there on your cruise
laughing in the sun
playing in the ocean
dancing to the beat of the rhythm of somone elses heartbeat
intoxicating your body to escape the memories of me
is it working?
does it not hurt for you?
how do you do it?