I remember you when you were fifteen.
Holding your first cigarette between your manicured nails and smiling at the moon.
And through the years
I've seen you spend most of your time trying to escape your thoughts until six in the morning
With a book and a cat
The two things you called the greatest loves of your life.
I've seen you walk down flowery paths with the sun in your eyes
And through darkened forests, wondering desperately where the sun had gone.
I've heard you talk about death and God, your favourite whiskey and your dog. About the most shallow and mundane of events, and the deepest of philosophies.
And I see you now
In your plaid shirts and lace-up boots,
Trying to hide your face in your hair
Calmly turning away every chance at love you find
Searching desperately for distraction
In a gram of ******* and the pen and paper sitting by your bedside.

you won't understand me when I say "my eyes are heavy" but I mean I haven't slept in 6 days because I keep hearing your car keys crash against the concrete

It was always so incredibly intense
Love and hate so close to each other
Break up one day, then make up the next
One day ignore, the next you'd smother

You'd often slap me when you were in a rage
Shouting and swearing in front of my mates
One day i snapped and pushed you back hard
Just gave you an excuse to intensify your hates

This time it's over you'd told me so often
But this time you'd held a secret from me
A child, our baby, was growing inside you
But your hate was there for all to see

We'd often split up, got together again
But this time you couldn't wait
Booked yourself in at the hospital
And there you sealed its fate

No mention to me till after the deed
And then you broke the news
"You've lost me and your baby"
Intensifying and heightening my blues

She'd plunged a fist in my chest and twisted my heart
The pain was too much to bear
Then one morning I decided to do myself in
I hated my life, it was so unfair

Just sat in my garage inside my car
Engine running and windows wide open
Smoking cigarettes and thinking of what might have been
I'd lost it I just wasn't coping

I sat there and welcomed death
To ease the incredible pain
I felt from losing my baby
Grim reapers sweet refrain

In my crazy intense world, I totally forgot
My mother, my father and the pain that they'd feel
As they too lost there baby for no rhyme or reason
No second chances and no appeal

I'm not sorry of the decision to take my own life
but to my parents I infinitely regret
Nobody should have to bury their children
To them I owe a huge debt

One day in the future we'll all meet again
And there I can show them my child
Then they will see the joy that it brings
The baby, the life, their grandchild

I think I loved you most the winter your heating was broken
And we’d stay inside all morning
Pretending to complain that we couldn’t get out of bed
Our clothes becoming little islands on the floor,
Ones that we could not quite find the courage to visit

Your hand stayed glued to my hip,
Your breath warming my shoulder
Like a long drag of whiskey
That kind that had a home so far away,
In a glass bottle on top of your refrigerator.
The one that would not be opened
Until that fateful day in February,
When everything went wrong

And on that unbearable night
When you joked that you’d freeze to death if I left you
There was a long silence
Like it might be true.

Now it’s warm enough
That I show too much skin when sitting in bars
And you avoid me like the plague,
Whispering in any girl’s ear that’s near to you
Every time you see me watching out of the corner of your eye

We should have stayed inside when the ice began to melt
Because I think
When those doors opened and we finally ventured outside
The world had changed,
And so had you and I.

She cries late
                  every night
     Turns off all the
                           lights
         Sits in bed
bawls
             her eyes out
      in the dark
Cutting out pieces
      of her heart
No one can see
                          the scars
           of her sewing
back up her chest
       Soon she will be
             an empty shell
        Hopefully
                    putting her soul to rest
If her heart
                    is no longer there
It can't get broken,
              right?
If no one can see
                          the tears
Then she never cried,
                     right?

I can smell him on my sheets
      I can taste him in my dreams
             I can still feel every inch where he's touched me
I hear his laughter echoing in the walls
             I can still see him in all these pictures I saved for
           memories

But this bed is bare
My dream's a nightmare
       I can't hear
             His laughter
       He's not near
             Enough to touch
My eyes are blinded by tears
He's killed my senses,  
      I'm no longer aware

Everything around me,  slowly fading away
His face, his scent, his laughter,  his touch
Maybe I'll just pop a few pills and sleep away the day
At least he's in my nightmares, the pain of reality is too much